I would leave and find a man who isn't afraid of his children. They are adults, they should be moving out anyway.  He's going to let them make your lives miserable forever. 

Personally I would be delighted if your step daughters made good their threats to move out - they should be doing that anyway - time to fly the nest.  Sorry to say but your boyfriend is spineless in allowing these mini wives to dictate your lives.   This would be the reason I would be hesitating to put things on a more permanent basis - the fact that he allows these young women to rule his life.  My DH used to be a bit like this, but thankfully he saw the light and now has generally strong boundaries with SD23 and SD25. I wouldn't move in with your boyfriend until and unless he grows a pair.

How can you find a man who is cowed and bullied by his daughters attractive? 

It's time he realized that they are adults and should be striking out on their own, not mooching off of their father. They shouldn't even be party to the discussions about you moving in. If your bf can't stand up to his own children, they are going to run his life forever (and he'll be footing their bills) and he will be a very lonely man.

Next time they threaten to leave, I suggest you offer to help them pack.  

I'd go for Door #3: find a partner who doesn't live in fear of their ADULT children.

His daughters SHOULD move out. They SHOULD NOT expect their father to live his life for them. Eventually they will find mates, and Daddy won't be their priority anymore (that is, until they're single again and oh-so-heartbroken that they have to move back in with Daddddeeeeee until they are mended 3-5 years down the road).

Your BF needs to let the chips fall where they may, but you need to be vigilant and see how you get treated if they disappear. This isn't YOUR fault. If he ever so much as breathes any fault in your direction, you need to leave. If he allows his ADULT children to live with you, you need to leave.

Why are you allowing two young ADULTS with no life experience dictate your future? Why do they get a say about something over you? This isn't right. This isn't healthy. This isn't normal. Anyone trying to convince you it is is out of their mind.

If they go, and truly go, without complaint from your BF, then this relationship has a shot at working. If, however, they don't move out or they do and he ends up resentful for it, you're in for a very painful relationship. Choose with your head and not your heart in this.

I would move on. There are men out there whose kids don't threaten them, or who have backbones to stand up to them if they do. If this has been going on for 8 months, it doesn't reflect well on your boyfriend. Don't waste more of your time - this will not be just a short term issue.

The drama and  disappointment will never end.  Your self esteem may take a nosedive especially if your BF puts his mini wives above you, which they usually do. He may start with boundaries, but if his DD's are skilled with emotional blackmail, which they usually are, daddy will choose them.

You can try the boundaries and disengagement approach. For some that works indefinitely, but for many the resentment will grow. Its like you have half a DH, the other half is with his daughter/wives. Always guessing, wondering. It never leaves you with a peaceful mind. 

Best of luck!  You deserve better in life.

I have been you. I was married 5years with him for ten. We divorced largely due to a snotty spoiled sickening step daughter. Save yourself do not marry him, do not live with him. Date him if you must, but also date others. Find a gentleman who values you, someone who is capable of raising a decent individual. Then compare your well being between the different types of men. Shocker, you wouldn't be on here if you dated the latter. Do not be me, or many of the women on here.

I cannot go back in time, dang I wish I could. It is not too late for you.

I'm so sad for you and your situation but it's true what everyone else is saying....things will never get better. He has raised them to be the way they are. Trying it out and seeing where the chips fall won't work. All of you will be miserable.

I would definitely, gently create some space between you and him and if he's truly committed to your relationship, he will work on a more functionl relationship with his kids and you'll see it happening. I highly doubt it will happen though. Keep us posted.

you and your guy need to live YOUR LIVES, and encourage HIS ADULT DAUGHTERS TO LIVE THEIRS.

AND, HE SHOULD NOT BE DISCUSSING ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP TOGETHER WITH THEM. That is what got my DH's ass in a sling. He went to her and would tell her everything, even very personal things which I had SPECIFICALLY asked him not to tell her! (Betrayal) So that's the problem. HE IS YOUR PROBLEM, not the girls. It was his responsibility to tell them UP FRONT TWO YEARS AGO that he is putting YOU AND HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU FIRST. When men do this, the kids quickly learn WHO IS IN CHARGE, and it's not them! He has allowed this to hemorrhage, and I seriously doubt if an amount of love, persuading or emotional turniquet can cut it off. The pattern is in place, and the steps have been laid in their favor.

They NEED TO MOVE OUT. CALL THEIR BLUFF and get on with your lives.

FYI-All these girls say they will cut daddy out of their lives. It's called mind manipulation, and it has obviously worked very well for them.

You and your partner must be in sync on this. If he keeps allowing them to have the upper hand (and he is doing that now btw) then they will always run/ruin your relationship.

My SD said/did pretty much the same thing, and after she showed her ass and went on a wild rant for almost an hour, and I filed a police report against her, guess what? SHE IS OUT OF OUR LIVES. I haven't had to put my eyes on her nasty ass in over 2 years, and it has been heavenly!

What do you find so attractive about your boyfriend giving permission to his daughters to treat him like shit?

This dynamic is not healthy.

His adult kids wont do anything to respect their dad.

Your boyfriend wont do anything about it

You have decided not to do anything either **

It will continue to go 'round and 'round until someone expects change and then actually acts on it.

---------------

I have adult kids, minor kids at home too.  NOT talking about bm's kids. Anyway...it would be a cold day in He** that my adult kids treated me like that 1 time AND have a chance to do it again.

My 1 adult kid tried to pull the "If you don't watch your Grandchild so we can go out (they are married),,,I guess you wont see your Grandchild again"----------

WHAT??????????

I was floored and I do mean I was floored. Nothing like that has ever been said to me by my own kids before.

So,,,,,after I caught my breathe----My reply was "OK, I guess I will not see the Grandchild ever again. And oh by the way, NEVER use a child, YOUR child as a pawn again".

My adult kid was more floored that I didn't cave to the Granny needs to see the Grandkids or I will just MELT to death. What ever YOU want DEAR child,  I will dooooooooooooooo just tell meeeee, pleaseeeeeee? .  Some GP's are like that...

My adult kids tune quickly changed and it never happened again. Everything is healthy and normal range in that area.

I have no idea who kiddo thought they were talking to.

--------------------------------

Even with adult kids and their parents, there still is a pecking order.

When your  boyfriends adult girls 'threaten" to leave...HE can and should say,, well, I agree it is time for you to go, SOoooooo, By Jan 3, 2021 I expect you to move out.  IF you wish for a small extension such as Jan 15---we will put it in writing and have it notarized, K?

You have decisions to make. Do you live just like this for the rest of your life, OR not.

Its up to you.

GoodLuck

He might be a lovely guy - he probably is - but like my ex, he is spineless.

Letting his daughters dictate how he runs his life and who he invites to live in HIS (not theirs, his) home, is a very big red flag.

He won't change unfortunately - these guys don't. He is scared to stand up to them, same as my ex was. It's sickening and disheartening, especially if your own children have been brought up to respect their parents and their parents decisions and choices.

I don't know what to advise you - but someone above said continue to date him, only not exclusively. That is sound advice.

Good luck. I absolutely feel for you. I've been in your exact situation.

For 5.5 yrs and only reconnected 2.5 yrs ago. Their mum married her affair partner the week divorce was finalised whilst skids were in school and didn't even know she was dating.  She has been married 11.5 yrs now

me and hubby will be married 6 yrs in about 1.5 weeks time. Sd's have continually made excuses for not being able to spend time with daddy, expected to be taken to fancy steak restaurants where they can treat me and my 2 kids with hubby like shit, rant on and on about bio mum and stepdads daily life to us to make them superior to us, they answer me back when doing inappropriate things to my kids. They expect me to walk behind them. They have guilted hubby for apparently loving me and our 2 kids more.

all 3 skids are replicas of psycho bio mum. Why would your dad find you pleasant when you are this rude. Your issue is when your husband refuses to stand up for you and thinks its ok for elder skids or teenage adult skids expect their dad kick his wife and infant or toddler child to the road so they can have their atm exclusively. 
 

my ss who is now 22.5 had about early last yr as an almost 21 yr old threatened to run away from home if hubby kept pushing him to be respectful and civil to us. Apparently ss forcing us out of the home was perfectly acceptable. 
 

believe me i will never spend another day second or moment with any skid for the rest of my life. I am done

It seems to me that they have made the solution pretty simple.  Make sure they never get their way.  Then you can just give them a syrupy "Buh-bye, good riddance, and don't let the door knob hit you both in the ass on your way out."

Lather, rinse, repeat.

More importantly, SO needs to sell his house and the two of you move into an incredible luxury home, that only has two bedrooms,  in a controlled access development.  

This is what DW and I did when we bought our current home. It is perfect for the two of us with enough square footage for a large open concept great room (gourmet kitchen, dinning, family room), a large master suite with a huge closet, large owner's spa bathroom, and large master bed room, a small ensuite quest room, a large study, and a powder room. The guest room is nice but small.  We want our guests to be comfortable and make themselves at home in our home... for a while.  So an extremely comfortable though crowded guest space is how we chose to deal with anyone who visits. The queen sized bed in the guest room keeps things tight. If we really didn't guests we would have either not put a bed in there or we would have put a king sized bed in there which would have made it clear that they need to go home. This is our home and we chose it because it makes us supremely comfortable.  We did not select it for guests or Klingon family.

Any time adult Skids stake out the blended relationship home as theirs and their BPs it is time to sell that home and create a couple home. Make your couple home just that, a couple home. No space for the SD's to occupy for more than a few days at a time and if they both come, they have to share a room.

Good luck with this failed family train wreck.

This must be so hard. But the "man of your dreams" would not sacrifice his relationship with you because he's afraid of his daughters.

He's reaping the results of his parenting. Unless he's willing to make major changes in his relationship with them, you will always be a distant third. That's no way to live. And it's not what a loving partner does.

My DH also has a controlling daughter. But she's mature enough to know that her dad is happy. It's taken some time for her to accept that he has a loving partnership that she is not a part of. DH had to take some hard steps and has had some difficult discussions with her, but he was willing to do it.

The road will be drama filled for both of you.  Keep reading on this site and learn the best ways to approach the situations, if you decide to stay in this relationships. Never live with any of his adult children ...  they have serious personality issues and will wreck your life and happiness. 

Yeah that's the thing, his daughters, even if they did move out - they would be back continually. When they fall out with roommates, boyfriends etc, where will they go?

Answer - straight back home to Daddy, and he will allow it because he is too weak to stand up to them. 

They will wreck your life, and do your head in. Is this relationship worth all that angst??

Move on while you can! 

I have one last suggestion to make ... Why doesn't he move in with you and leave his spoiled brats where they are. They'd have no right to muscle in on your territory. Just a thought off the top of my head.

Your BF is the problem. He needs to live his life and not let his children tell him what he can and cannot do. If he gives in to their extortion it will never stop. Perhaps if he made it clear to them he will do as he pleases and if they choose not to accept that, then they can do what they want and remember that they not he, made the choice to walk away

This is exactly how my DH & I lived when OSD thought she could dictate who DH could and could not have in his life. She gave him an ultimatum and DH gave her the speech above. 

She moved out of our home and back in with BM, and basically cut us off. Not completely but mostly. And the harder we tried to mend things the worse she was to us. When we gave up and gave her 'what she wanted' - complete disengagment from us, then she had a change of mind

Unfortunately it set up years of this cycle with her, once we reengaged based on better treatment from her, then she'd pull the old 'l'll walk out of your life card' again every time she didn't get her way

Two years ago she walked out for real, and blocked DH & I from seeing sgkids as well

Personally I couldn't be happier to have her out of my life. DH is sad about it but way less stressed. And I do think over time she will try to reengage once again

The whole reason these SD's pull this is because they're jealous and insecure (at least in my case that was it) and they think the ultimatum will secure what they want with their DH's. But once they figure out they lost the game by playing that hand, they realize they have no other power or means of extortion. 

Then the ball is in their court. They can choose to never speak to their father again, and live with the choice they made. Or they realize that losing was not what they wanted and if they want to have a relationship with their father they must accept his wife as well

The key is whether your DH can handle the gamble, and the possibility of SD's truly walking away for good