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Let’s be real

GiveMeGrace's picture

My DH has 3 boys (15, 14 & 11).  The 15 y/o (almost 16) and 11 y/o (almost 12) are INSUFFERABLE.  They never stop blabbing and they are usually complaining.  The 14 year old is wonderful (calm, smart, polite).  The oldest and youngest are anxiety-ridden like their mother with no social graces.  They are overly coddled and don't seem to have many friends.  The middle child is well adjusted and seems to have a wide social circle. Been reading about disengaging.  I don't want to miss out on spending time with middle SS, but the other 2 can get the hell off my planet. I've been in their lives for 4 years in April.  I used to try to do things for all of them, tried to have a relationship, but it worth my time and effort?  The oldest just finds ways to insult me (his Mom is a better cook), and the youngest is a HUGE baby at almost 12. Still sits on his Dads lap w/ his head on Dads shoulder like a little kid would???  Ugh.  These kids will not be there for me later in life.  I'm thinking my new strategy is keep as minimal contact as possible with 2 out of 3.  Don't go out of it way for them.  But be polite and civil and just take care of me!

tog redux's picture

Yes, your last sentence says it all. Be polite and civil but don't go out of your way to do something for them. If they are pleasant to you, great, you can have some fun with them. If not, then walk away.  If you have more fun with the middle boy, you can tell the others that it's because they are regularly rude to you, and he's not.  That's a life lesson they need to learn.

CLove's picture

I feel absolutely no guilt in treating them differently as they both treat me differently.

disengage from those two, and focus your attention and energy (and $) on the middle guy.