You are here

23 year old step daughter who lives with us sent out her Christmas card out

Stepdaughters hate me's picture

She 23. Two year graduated from college. Full time job.  Lives in the house with us (and completely ignores me) sent out her own Christmas card!  Signed it from "the family's last name" and then her name and the family dog.    So example:  the smithes Sarah and max with a photo!


so messed up!  I plan to ignore. But seriously!

CajunMom's picture

I have one of my kids with me right now while he's building. He sent out Christmas cards including one to me and DH. I sent him a card from me and DH. We are all in the same house. It's an individual thing. While he's my kid and family, he's an adult and "separate" from us. 

My Christmas cards always include my pets and their names, too. I'm 60. LOL

Aniki-Moderator's picture

I don't think this is so unusual. When I lived with my parents, I sent out Christmas cards from me and my furbabies from The Aniki Family. *unknw*

tog redux's picture

Well, technically she and her dog are the Smith Family. At least she didn't include your DH and the dog and leave you out.  

Stepdaughters hate me's picture

Seriously I think it's very strange that she left her dad and sister off the card and said it's from "the smiths" but it's just her!   Especially when we all live under th same roof.  

CajunMom's picture

she's trying to be an adult and individual? Not sure if you read my comment but my son did the same thing....his card is from HIM and he lives in our home. Our card is me, DH and our dogs. We are all under one roof.

tog redux's picture

But if she had her own home, she'd still be the Smith family technically. Though the wording is weird - should have said "From Sarah Smith and Max". Rather than family. 

caninelover's picture

That she wants her own independent household someday.  Is there a plan for her to move out eventually?

AgedOut's picture

I'd find a good pic of the left off family members and sign it "even more love from the rest of the Smiths"

Stepdaughters hate me's picture

Maybe I am not communicating this but it was only her and the dog.  Not anybody else in the house!  


CajunMom's picture

She sent a card as an individual adult. Her and her pet. 

Now, had she sent a card with her, pet, and DH and other siblings and left YOU off, then I'd see an entitled SD. All I see is a 23 year old being an individual adult. 

Seriously, I have the exact thing here in our home right now. My DH was not at all offended that we were not included in my son's card. Actually, thought never even came to mind until your post. 

EDIT: I re-read your prior posts. I think your anger is misdirected. Your DH lets his daughters treat you like crap. I can see where the card would trigger you. 

tog redux's picture

I think you are seeing your family as "The Smith Family" and her as part of it, but she is seeing herself and her dog as also the Smith Family. It's a little weird but doesn't seem like she was trying to take away from your family, just establish her own. 

caninelover's picture

If she had added DH's picture and sent it out, then that is not good.  I think this is just her adulting.  And if her last name is Smith, then she and her dog would be the Smith family.  

But I also know the feeling of being hyper-sensitive to this stuff.  Really it's time to tell SD to move out.  Then she can be the Smith family with her own household LOL.

tog redux's picture

I get that too, we are getting one snippet of what this girl does, which seems harmless on its own - but maybe not if it's tied in with everything else she does, lol. 

caninelover's picture

This is the same girl who redecorated their house when they left for a trip LOL.  I think she's playing house which means she wants her own household to decorate, send cards etc.  The issue is DH needs to sit her down and give her a deadline to move out.  She sounds almost ready actually but probably lacks a plan and a bit of a push.

tog redux's picture

Well, my first thought was that she was playing house, with the "Family" stuff.  

If we sent Christmas cards (we don't), I would just put our names, not "Family".

caninelover's picture

Which is why DH should be nudging her out.  You can't just play time for the actual house (or apartment, room, whatever).

CajunMom's picture

I added an edit to my comment. Her DH lets his daughters treat her like crap. Those SDs need their own place. 

Stepdaughters hate me's picture

Exactly!  If she moved out and lived with the dog it's totally appropriate!    

caninelover's picture

I think what people are trying to say is your feeling of the rest of the household being excluded is completely valid based in your past lived experience with this girl and her mini-wife tendencies that exclude you.

But people are also saying, she didn't exclude you here but rather asserted herself as a grown adult.  Which is actually a good sign.

Livingoutloud's picture

I had to edit my post after I realized that's the girl who redecorated your house. Her sending cards is the least of the troubles. She needs to be given 30 days and must leave. Why is she living with you 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

The only problem i see with this situation is the return address on the envelopes. Her sending the cards or who is in the picture - meh. But at 23, 2 years graduated with a full-time job - time for her to gtfo! Your perception of the intentions behind the card is a symptom of the real problem, which is not the card. 

caninelover's picture

SD doesn't accept OP and resents the relationship with DH.  Why is she still living there?  Probably because DH doesn't want to upset the little darling but it's time to rip that band aid off and tell her to look for a place.

Stepdaughters hate me's picture

I think it's great she wants to individuate herself and have more indenpendance. Sending out her own Christmas card is a good sign of that.  But that also means she ready to move out!    To me it's just weird to send out a Christmas card of herself and the family dog and leave the rest of the family (who all live in the house under the same roof) off.   It just seems self centered and not to mention horribly mean to her sister who very much considered herself an important part of "the smith family".  

Stepdaughters hate me's picture

She should be moving out and sending her own Christmas card!   The thing is she refuses to move out because everything is free and we cool and clean and provide a nice home for her where she wants for nothing. And I feed the dog and order and pay for the dog food and take the dog to vet and walk the dog and pick up the dog poop.    She does none of it.   I'm not complaining i love doing it.  It just if u want to send your own card with just u and the dog and say it's from the "smiths" it's time to move out and create your own home and send your own card. 

caninelover's picture

But that is the problem - your DH is enabling SD when he should be saying to her, SD - you are growing up and its time for you to live independently.  Let's make a goal of getting you into your own place in the next X months.

SD is not the problem - your DH is.  Have you discussed SD moving out with him?  Otherwise these annoyances will just fester and grow until it becomes a wedge in your marriage.

sandye21's picture

It's your DH.  Have a discussion with DH about SD moving out.  I have a feeling this is not so much about the Christmas card as it is her lack of respect for you and DH's lack of support.  If he refuses to make a plan for her to leave, start saving money for your own departure.  I can tell you from experience, if you don't have DH's support it doesn't get any better.

caninelover's picture

If you feed and pay for the dog, stop it.  Its 'her' dog.  That is on you - not her.  If you enjoy the dog and like doing it, then you are getting something out of it.  Just don't expect her to say 'thank you' because that will never happen.

And if everything is free at home - that is on your DH.  Still not her.

Kaylee's picture

Of course she will never voluntarily move out, while she has it so good.

Your H needs to stop providing such a comfortable environment for her.

And YOU should stop paying for the dog. It's her dog, she can pay.

Don't worry, I know exactly where you are coming from. My ex was exactly the same as your H ...pays for everything, did all the  cooking and cleaning, paid all the bills for ex SD'S dog.....the works.

It's not the way to launch his woman child into the world.... seriously, your H needs to set her a date at which she'll be moving out.

Rags's picture

Generally speaking, I do not put much thought into this kind of thing, nor do I put much thought into the why of a Skid's behavior. I only care about the what for the most part.

Though certainly a bit odd, this is a non event in my mind.