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Don't speak

moonchild18's picture

:? Not sure what is going on. SS and I have not spoken in about 5 months. Not a syllable. He is the 32 year old parasite that lives here. Now once everyday he tries to strike up a conversion. I shut it down real quick, I'm done with him. Don't believe or care what he has to say. Just wondering what he is up to.

Changing the subject---I was reading on another post something about "dying on the hill" I didn't understand that. Can someone explain that saying please? Thanks.

just.his.wife's picture

Is this a hill to die on?

The meaning behind the saying: Whatever the issue your having-- is the resolution of the issue important enough that you will 'die for it'.

As an example, many step parents deal with skids that disrespect them within their own home. That for me would be "a hill to die on". I would not live with a child that verbally disrespected me in my own home. Nor would I live with one that was physically violent or who brought drugs into my house.

If any of these things occured, if my DH did not resolve the issue, DH and his kids would be out the door and the marriage would 'die' due to the issues being allowed to continue.

dadsnewwife's picture

I just noticed our names are similar...not stepmothers, just his wife...

I really don't consider myself a stepmother since dh's sons were basically adults when we met. They were 16, 26 & 27 at the time and I still feel relatively no connection to them nor does dh to my 4 daughters. I wonder if anyone who marries when the kids are adults ever feel a real connection to them as they do their own kids. My guess is no.

Willow2010's picture

He is the 32 year old parasite that lives here
WHAT? Why? No way. Why would you allow that?

dadsnewwife's picture

Good for you shooting down his attempts at conversation! I did the same. SS20 would try the week we let him back in to live before he went to rehab and I would just ignore him and leave the room. After burning us 4 times in 3 years and after all we've done for him...he doesn't deserve to even BE acknowledged as far as I'm concerned. Dh wasn't happy about it...thought I was treating him horribly. Whatever. Didn't care. It's even hard now when dh wants to talk about "how well his son is doing at rehab", blah, blah, blah. I just say, "That's good." and drop it. Honestly, I hope he IS doing well, but I put no stock in this kid's seriousness to remain clean and I want OFF the drug merry-go-round he's had us on for 3 years.

If dh had continued to ignore his drug use and not pushed him to get on his feet and move out, that WOULD have been my hill to die on. I would have left. Luckily, as soon as dh had concrete proof, he kicked SS20 out once again. Drugs is definitely a hill to die on.'s ILLEGAL! I've watched enough "Intervention" and seen families who put up with a family member doing drugs in their home and I don't get it.

Just keep doing what you're doing...disengage, disengage, disengage... Smile

moonchild18's picture

My SS was only supposed to be here for a short time---to get back on his feet and get his GED. Yes, GED. He has no drive or ambition. He is waiting for his dad to die. In the meantime, he uses him (us). I didn't need this. Had enough. He worn out his welcome. But, he does not care. His life is a party!!!

I told my DH "do I look happy" "do I look like I'm having a good time"? No response. My DH is worried about me leaving, but not enough to boot his son out. He feels guilty and his son will bark out orders to him!!! Yes, he tries to control him.

I have to watch his every move. He steals and lies. He does have traits of a psychopath.

overworkedmom's picture

Dying on a hill is an expression to show how far you are willing to take a fight. Is it worth the end result? Picking battles...

As for a 32 yr old that lives with you... Why aren't you doing more to make him so miserable he leaves?? LOL I would be coming up with so many creative ways to make him WANT to go!!

moonchild18's picture

Trust me, I'am trying. I DO NOT make it comfortable here for him. Help me out---any ways you can suggest to make it miserable for him, I will appreciate!

He has no business being here. I would have to write a book to tell you all the things he has done. And is still doing. Yes, I'am disengaging from him for sure. I must for my own sanity. DH tunes out a lot of what he does. And also accepts many things too. After all, it is his boy (not a man).

Tuff Noogies's picture

u ever play king of the hill as a child? same concept- it's a battle you are bent and bound on winning at ALL costs

if it's not a battle that is worth the effort, then that's not a hill u'd be willing to die on....

PS- wtf? 32??? sheesh....

kathc's picture

32 years old and lives with you?!? WTF???

Move a couple of your kids in and see how your DH likes it Wink

Jsmom's picture

Kick his ass out...This is way too old to live with your parents...This is a hill to die on....