DH's Daughter's Cycles
So DH's eldest daughter goes in 'cycles' when it comes to DH and especially me
For example, when DH and I first met his eldest daughter appeared to just adore me and everything was fine. Then after some time (about 2-1/2 years) everything changed and she began making it clear she despised me. No matter how hard I tried or DH tried his daughter just got worse. After she pretty much forced my total disengagement from her, she began behaving in an "accepting" way towards me again. I was so relieved and grateful I jumped right back on the band wagon with her, total forgiveness and acceptance from me, couldn't possibly do enough for her. And then wham! After a few great years had passed she started up again. Hateful, sarcastic, petty, conniving....
A few years of this has passed and now DH's daughter has been showing signs of being better again. This has been going on for many months now. For example, over the weekend when we went to SGS's event, DH's daughter would make some effort to talk with me - responding to questions I had asked of someone else. If I was teasing DH about something or joking around, his daughter would laugh along pleasantly
However, I notice all the other 'problems' she has still.....maybe I just never noticed them in the past during the "good times" but I am so on to it all now
The way she doesn't answer when DH and I first see her and wave hello...instead she will tell SGS to say Hi to us. Sort of a passive aggressive way of avoiding saying hello to me.
She will still try to walk beside DH during SGS's event, forcing me out of the way, but I refuse to trail behind my own husband so I stick beside DH refusing to budge and finally his daughter will walk up ahead.
She will talk non-stop to DH and is happy to ignore me, not that DH puts up with it he will make an effort to include me in the conversation which is great. And again of course, if I say anything - even though I'm talking to someone else and not her at all - she will comment or respond to me :?
Then there is the super skin tight spandex tops, and super low-cut. Don't get the sleaze thing whenever she is at any event with us but whatever.
And the best, normally DH insists on buying a gift for SGS practically every time we see him. DH also has this annoying habit of telling SGS that the gift is from me. DH's daughter never says thank you to me. She will tell SGS to say thanks but doesn't directly acknowledge anything from me. Since I told DH before we went on thid weekend not to do that, when he gave SGS the gift this time he said it was from him. DH's daughter immediately says "Thanks!" to DH
I'm sure from DH's standpoint he thinks his daughter is 'coming around' she talks with me (only if I talk with others but hey guess he thinks it's a start) laughs at my joking around with others, talks with DH and even says thank you to him for his gift. But I see right through her. I see all the passive-aggressive competitive stuff that still is going on with her and I'm not giving in
She will eventually figure this out and I'm sure there will be consequences she finally discovers that unlike times in the past, I don't care if she puts on an act of "trying" with me, I want absolutely nothing to do with her still. I will be polite and graceful like I would with one of DH's work acquaintances that I can't stand, but otherwise, there is no relationship
I don't understand her 'cycles', but I also no longer care if I do!
Everything you just said
Everything you just said makes total sense sydnay....I agree, I think DH's eldest does this due to low self-esteem and her ongoing jealousy issues. She tries, but can't bring me down
I am a step daughter as well
I am a step daughter as well as a FSM ~ my father re married after my mother passed away. He tried his hardest to have me get along w my SM ~ I sincerely don't think of her as my SM because a mother raises a child and I was 26 when my mom passed away.
My fathers mistake was pushing his wife on me ~ go shopping with her. I loath shopping ~ I told my dad the relationship will happen on it's own plz don't force me. It was good for awhile until she felt the need to use me as her buffer for my father. She was insisting on being put on the deed to my fathers house ~ every time I would come home for a visit. 3 hours one way ~ I would get hammered on having to discuss the future ~ of what would happen to her when my father passed. I told her ~ I seriously don't ever want to talk about this subject again ~ I m here visiting to enjoy my father. So I have bitterness in my heart. My husband passed away n the same year my father passed. I have resentment in my heart ~ she is wonderful to my children n I would never deny her my kids. But I m trying to rebuild my life.
My father left my children money n I was struggling financial and asked for for some money but was told there was no money. Which is total bs ~ cause she specifically told me there was money. I told her you know my father would have bent over backwards to help me if need be. After having to pay for my husbands funeral arrangement n my fathers wife didn't pay for the funeral flowers ~ I did. She didn't pay for tue luncheon I did. I told her I hope you can sleep at night ~ knowing that you knew of what his intentions were. His grandchild ~ not your nieces n nephews. Total spit in my face ~
I think this should be a
I think this should be a new topic, but I'll put my 2 cents in. you stated your dad left your kids some money. do you not have access to it? I find it interesting that he didn't leave you money. Why do you think that is?
I do not have access to the
I do not have access to the said money ~ my father died suddenly he had a heart attack on NY day ~ everyone knew that my fathers intention was to make sure I was ok to stand alone. He had some money that he put aside for his grandchildren. She told me she couldn't access it with out being penaltized. To which my comment was ~ you know exactly what my fathers intentions were and if you don't honor them ~ I hope you sleep well at night.
Sorry I honestly didn't mean
Sorry I honestly didn't mean to hijack the original post
I was cat but I understand the hijack being off subject.
Thanks catlettuce
Thanks catlettuce
Sorry you are so bitter
Sorry you are so bitter easylikesundaymornin, your situation however is completely different than mine. Hope it gets better for you
My BF so desperately wants me
My BF so desperately wants me & his DD to get along & be "one big happy family" - He is too jaded to realize that will NEVER happen. Hell I think even his DD is sick of him trying to push us together too. She also acts fake nice to me in front of him; I just ignore it all.
I gave up LONG ago trying to figure her out, have a conversation or much less a relationship w/her. If not I would've been driven nuts long ago.
On another point, my BF's DD also dresses in SKIN TIGHT short shorts and low cut shirts, and she is a little on the heavy side...... I do not understand that either - I would be embarrassed to wear it and I'm in better shape
I gave up trying to be
I gave up trying to be friends with my SKIDs along time ago. I had to ask myself, would I associate with this person if they weren't my wife's kids? For 3 out of the 4, the answer is a resounding NO.
Wow our SD's sound a lot
Wow our SD's sound a lot alike muscle mama...my husband's daughter is on the very heavy side and I just can't imagine dressing like that. I would just never do that, would be too embarrassed walking around so exposed
My DH isn't necessarily trying to push a relationship with his daughter and I any longer, I think he has even given up on it - even if his daughter wanted it at this point DH knows I want nothing to do with her. It's more a matter of DH stepping in and saying/doing something on the occasions he sees that she is being rude or deliberately trying to exclude me
I think DH just wants what I want at this point, a civil relationship between his daughter and I with mutual respect.
Mutual respect is a wonderful
Mutual respect is a wonderful concept ~ if the two parties understand what the word respect means ~ the kid generation has not a clue what it means. I think they think it means to like the other party. If only they were raised to understand the meaning ~
I could honestly careless if my FSD ever graces me with her presence ~ I am good having no contact. My fear or hesitation is ~ does it ever get better ~ like when they become parents will they see the light do to speak.
My FSD has no respect calls her friends bitches ~ talks about titties ~ completely inappropriate but come to think of it so does the BM. So basically she has zero chance of ever changing I guess.
I've noticed a difference in
I've noticed a difference in the "cycle" depending on whether she's getting along w/her BF or not, & she's much more pleasant in general when they are... her life revolves around that douchebag.
My relationship with my BF would've been so much different (BETTER) now if he had once taken up for me. But all he did was disregard what was happening & make excuses (but of course I am "reading too much into it", being "too sensitive" or even "too negative" - whateva)
I hear you
I hear you Easylikesudaymornin...I could care less to be in my DH's daughter's presence too. I much prefer NOT to be anywhere around her. But when we are in the same space, I will not tolerate lack of respect from her any longer. All her little things even like trying to be the one to walk beside DH and force me to move aside, nope, she is the one who ends up walking up ahead or trailing behind
If she says something sarcastic or out of line, I'll call her on it, not stand around passively taking her crap any longer.
And the good news is DH supports me. At one time he was just like your DH muscle mama - these men just can't admit their adult children are in the wrong can they?
DH's daughter can no longer count on getting away with acting in a hostile or rude way with me. I'll stand up for myself and DH will not come to her rescue.
" these men just can't admit
" these men just can't admit their adult children are in the wrong can they?
Oh my Gawd - I know that's right - EVERY thing was downplayed to the HILT
At one point in time ~ FH
At one point in time ~ FH recognized that FSD was treating him like an ATM ~ and was acting like his EX.
Right on Buddy glass you can see the world clearly if only that moment could have lasted. He was so pissed off at her at that moment ~ I think it was his reaction to her rejecting him.
How do these men loose their cotton picking minds of their daughters.
Like you said Disillusioned ~ you don't have to like me but respect me for who I am in your fathers life. Cause sweetheart I am NOT going anywhere.
The ah ha moment FH had has dissolved ~ somehow he put those blinders back on. I m guessing any attention he can get from her is better than none. I have told him on that under no circumstances is she permitted in my home EVER ~ he can visit Veruca Salt any time just not in my home. She is 20 years old n shows up at a pizza place to be with her father wearing a tank top stained from drinking shots the night before. ARE we the only sane people in this world ??? FH was mortified ~ was flabbergasted at her appearance.
Are your BM similiar to SD
Are your BM similiar to SD ??? Mine is the exactly the same ~ I swear they are narcassist with some bi polar.
She seems to be pretty
She seems to be pretty limited with her provocative dress, passive aggressive games and pettiness. I would stop worrying about her and enjoy your life. She will add zero joy to your marriage. Let DH buy his GS gifts. Be nice to the kid but not too invested in pleasing his mother.
Dis, you are older, wiser, warmer, much more sophisticated and complex, very nuanced. She is a one-dimensional gnat on your wind shield. Wave her away or ignore her.