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Guess the PASing SGS against me didn't work this time!

Disillusioned's picture

So DH's eldest daughter pulled her usual PASing of SGS against me yesterday. From the moment we walked in the door it was "SGS, Grandpa's here!" "SGS, show Grandpa your new shirt" "SGS, show Grandpa your class picture" all the while I'm right beside H but no mention from his daughter about Grandma Disillusioned as well

DH did at one point say to her "and Grandma Disillusioned too" not that it mattered

However, as H's daughter was putting on SGS's shoes so we could see him at his little event, she was pulling the old "SGS, Grandpa's coming to see" routine, I hear SGS say to her "and Grandma Disillusioned too?" love that kid Smile H's daughter had to suck it up and say "yes, Grandma Disillusioned is coming too"

And it wasn't the first time that day little SGS made her look silly with all her PASing against me. Earlier when H's infantile sister started the dramatics of playing with SGS and his toys and "oh, look, he said I can play with this toy etc... etc..." and H's daughter says "yes, SGS always shares things with the people he LIKES" SGS turns around a little later in the day when they were all passing around his school picture among themselves and says, completely out of nowhere "give the picture to Grandma Disillusioned" Smile Dirol Blum 3

DH was thrilled and did the whole "whoa, better pass that to Grandma as SGS says so"

I so could hardly contain the silent smirk on my face

Did I say I LOVE that kid or what LOL

thinkthrice's picture

It's quite possible that SGS is one of those very rare "old souls" that can see past his mother's bullshit! Hope it continues and that she doesn't start sending the "love me or Grandma Disillusioned--pick one" signals out!!

My OSS accepted me for a little while when he was about 7/8 but then the BM's uber PASing routine made him slowly draw away as she was doing the "it's them or me" routine. And to a kid, it looks like all good things come from mommykins. Even though, in my case, at the time mommykins didn't have a real job and was living off massive CS--namely Mr. Guilty Daddy's ENTIRE salary which was being direct deposited to the BM out of sheer guilt while he was leaching, errr living off of ME.

Disillusioned's picture

Thanks beaccountable...I feel the same way, takes a pretty low life attitude to deliberately turn a sweet innocent child against someone who would be very good to him in life

Seems this stuff happens all the time in step-families Sad So common in the step-world and so totally awful

But then, I was also very good to SGS's mother and she has zero appreciation and it holds no value in her life

SGS is adorable though. I do just love him to bits Smile

Disillusioned's picture

Well thinkthrice, as H's daughter has pulled the old "it's her or it's me" routine in the past with not only H but his entire family ya, wouldn't surprise me one bit if she pulled this with SGS as well

Sorry for your situation, sounds like it was frustrating!

peacemaker's picture

When a parent uses any child as a weapon to hurt another adult whether it is a parent or a grand parent or step parent...it is child abuse, and they have crossed a sacred line...there will be a heavy price to pay for it...and it is all time that cannot be recaptured...they don't realize the "High stakes" involved...the injustice they do to their own child in the end...

jennaspace's picture

I had the similar things happen to me. SS called me grandma in the first place which is why my DH did a wk later. It was my SDIL (who did this b/c SS wouldn't marry her apparently) and MIL who pulled the "100 ways to tell Jennaspace, she is NOT the grandmother" game.

I'm proud of you for sticking in there with the grandson. I finally disengaged as I never could spend time with step grands anyway. It sounds like you have a wonderful grandson who I do believe is sensing what his mom is doing. Frankly, it turns my stomach that she would do this.

Disillusioned's picture

Wow peacemaker, never thought about it that way but it does make sense

It is a great injustice to the child and that definitely falls into the category of abuse!

When my parents divorced my mom was the queen of PAS, in fact, even before my parents divorced. My siblings and I have so much anger all these years later for what we lost with our father. She did everything to prevent us from seeing our dad or for even thinking of him in any way other than him being a total loser

Years later we saw through all her lies and how wrong we had been about our dad....by then it was too late as he had passed away. Completely alone with no family around him and the guilt we as his kids have felt as a result is not pleasant

You are so correct that this time time can never being regained. It is wrong on so many levels

Maybe not quite the same situation as my SGS and what my DH's daughter is doing, but similar. I can tell SGS likes me and will be sad, mostly for him, if she wins and destroys the relationship Sad

Pilgrim Soul's picture

How sad about your dad! You should write a book about your experience, Disillusioned.
I hope my skids live to admit how badly they were brain-washed, and how horribly they treat my DH - and they realize it sooner rather than later. How old were you when you saw through your mother's manipulations? Did all of you realize what had been done to you at the same time? Did one sibling influence others?

peacemaker's picture

...I'm so sorry to hear about your dad...What your mom did was totally against Gods will for you and your siblings...I experienced something similar, only I tried to right that wrong before my dad died...Just because our parents decided not to engage in a relationship anymore, does not give one parent the right to separate the child from their biological father...At that point, they are crossing the line of what God's intention was for that child...God gave that child BOTH a mother and a father when they were created...many times it is done out of a spirit of manipulation and control, or sometimes just plain spite....but nonetheless, He is still your father...the one God chose for you to have and no one should be able to take that away...

jennaspace's picture

Thank you! The hardest one to forgive is MIL who led the way. She made my niece and nephew call her grandma as well as every child of my DH's friends. Suddenly when I was called grandma (she is great gma)she got technical.

I've since moved far from her. She called the other day when SS & SDIL had another child. She called our home to say she was calling for DH (didn't call his cell when she knew he would be working) to congratulate HIM on HIS grandchild. The message was clear. Then she hurriedly got off the phone as SDIL was calling her. I suspect strongly she and SDIL talked and MIL said she'd call me and do this (they've done this before). They are obviously under the mistaken impression that I still care. I did once, but I don't now. I have many nieces and nephews I'm actually related to whose lives I've lost out on due to distance. This was a great loss to me.

The desperate, mean tactics MIL used to maintain matriarchy and presence in her grandkids life are the very reason she has lost her legacy and presence in my son's life (her grandson). He will eventually know, long after she is gone, the role she played in my not being a part of the family. I won't do it out of spite but out of explanation.

When I think of her I'm reminded of this verse... "The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down." Proverbs 14:1

jennaspace's picture

Thanks Karmaqueen. I do believe there will be consequence on this earth or after. I don't wish her hell or anything but I do hope she will someday understand the consequences of her actions. So nice that this happened in your case. I wonder if "Hanna" is a narcissist who uses Golden child syndrome (http://cainandenabler.wordpress.com/2013/08/18/the-golden-cainst-can-be-...) with oldest. So heartless to treat the other kids like this!

My MIL is older and now lives across the country. I think she will die within the next few years, still across the country. I'm not sure how much my child will understand before she dies.

For the record I never called myself Gma. My ss did once and then my DH did. After this MIL and SDIL took me out and grabbed step grand and told him I was NOT the gma. This kind of thing went on for years. Neither had the guts to talk to the person who called me gma, they went after me in my postpartum state (had a newborn) the first time. I forgive MIL (& SDIL), but I also believe in karma (God's) and I take comfort in knowing there is justice.

Disneyfan's picture

Why do you keep going around your SD and SIL? You know they don't like you and will take every opportunity they get to remind you of that. Instead of staying away from them, you keep putting yourself in the line of fire and getting hurt. Why?

Disillusioned's picture

Not sure where you're getting that from Disneyfan??? I'm disengaged, Yes there are family functions of my DH's where they are there of course, but that does not mean I engage them in any way

Just because we are all disengaged from each other does not mean they aren't still spiteful and go out of their way to stir up shit, but that is not the same thing at all as putting myself in the line of fire :?