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Congratulations well played SD

harmony98's picture

Submitted by harmony98 on Sat, 01/01/2022 - 5:06pm

Forums: 
Adult Stepchildren

ive been disengaging for a couple years.  supported by my husband.

last 12 months  have exchanged a couple emails with the SD.  trying and failing to explain feelings.

just been told that was my choice ! even though they were proof read.

that the relationship with DH and SD and my DD will continue and i will play no part.

17 years, if id known 10 years ago this would be the outcome id have got divorced i mean whats the point. ? moreover.   anyone reading this post who does not have a child with their partner who is wondering when it will all end.  it wont. it doesnt. run away fast now.

my life is not and has not been my own for 17 years.  but if i take anyaction now i fear loosing my daughter. 

 

Happy New Bloody Year.

JRI's picture

Submitted by JRI on Sat, 01/01/2022 - 7:16pm

I'm not sure of your situation, but would it be possible to concentrate on your DH and DD and let SD go on with her life?   I certainly would not contact SD or have any relationship beyong clvil and polite if you do have to see her.

CajunMom's picture

Submitted by CajunMom on Sat, 01/01/2022 - 7:34pm

I am completely cutoff from my DHs kids; we do not have bio kids together though. I do have bio children but they do not have anything to do with DHs kids. (all adults). In my world, Dh manages his relationships with his kids and sees them outside our marital home. 

I think I'd do as JRI said...focus on your relationship with your DH and with your daughter. And cease contact with your SD.  I don't worry about his kids. Took me a while to get to this point. I'd suggest finding a counselor to guide/help you come to terms with your situation. I've learned that "it is what it is" can be a powerful mantra. It's acceptance. I'm there now. Some blips and sometimes the hurt hits me...but I process it and get back to "happy with my DH."

Best to you. I know this is a hard journey.

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Sat, 01/01/2022 - 7:36pm

I'm a little confused - your SD wants no relationship with you, I assume she's an adult. And by "take action" you mean divorce? Why would you lose your daughter? 

harmony98's picture

Submitted by harmony98 on Sun, 01/02/2022 - 4:23am

My daughter is totally in love with SD a relationship i encouraged as i felt it was a blessing for my daugter to have a sister.   how wrong can you be x 

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Sun, 01/02/2022 - 2:04am

I am a bit confused.  How can your SD take your DD?

And guess what? You are the BM.  If you want to end the relationship between your DD, your SD, and even your DH, you can do it.  Take lessons from all of the toxic BM's that are the core of so many STalk stories. 

Give  your DH clarity that he gets his failed family shallow and polluted gene pool progeny under control or he loses you and your daughter.

harmony98's picture

Submitted by harmony98 on Sun, 01/02/2022 - 4:22am

wrote this last night whilst crying,  its just devastating to have put so much time and effort into something.   then be cut out.

 

i think i will look into getting a councellor to deal with it ! 

shellpell's picture

Submitted by shellpell on Sun, 01/02/2022 - 7:19am

You don't need to send your dd off to spend time with sd if as doesn't respect you. You're dds mother! If sd is toxic it would be best if your dd doesn't have much of a relationship with her. What if she talks crap about you to your dd when you're not around? Put your foot down.