My sd is very good she will be graduating friday, I have been told by her dad I cant go she does not want me there and it would make her mad and piss her off, i have other friends that kids are graduationg I would like to she dh said if I go i could not sit with him it would miss up her big day they ar also going out to eat afterwards, now we have just been to see the counseler who said we should be together on everthing together we stand divided we fall, but not when it comes to sd, what do I do?
Go or not go?

My sd has been moved out 2 months now, and has came back 2 times to get things she has left and first ust her and dh was here next time I was home two, she had a fit and began to thoughings around the room, just to show her dad she could, now this is stuff when she was a child glue,posters,junk she did not really want just wanted to pull dads chain again because she was not getting what she wanted a new car, she did this 3 time before he made her leave, but not before he started fighting with me
and thats all she wanted to do, makes her very happy to she him go off on me, well I made him clean room and all her things where put in trash there is nothing for her to come back for,also she is not to come back here and im not to go where she works, i fine with that, but her mail still comes here and thats just one more thing she can get pissed off about, and put in her dads face.

I just met with counselor this past week so all of this is new to me. The day after my counseling session I felt very sad, like I had lost something but then I had to ask myself what I lost. My daughter wasn't coming to me. I was not losing anything. I realize she is correct, I have to stop the chase and if she desires a relationship with me she will come to me. I have made too many excuses for her.

One of my stepsons plays a little bit different game. He is extrememly dishonest....some cover their tracks well, he does not. Get this, I had not met his wife....we were not invited to the wedding because (as he told us) his mom would not let us in her house. Later found out wedding was not in mom's house. SSs know the tension between us and their mom, she had made her feelings towards us very clear....she was the one that left the boys but as soon as I walked into the picture she wanted them back and was hell-bent to destroy us both to the boys so lots of negative implants in the boys' heads but they cannot disappoint mommy as they know she will run again. You get the picture.

Wife gets pg, still had not met her but we started emailing and all went real well. I was asking when she was due and I got a month, no date, husband got the same from son. I asked if her mom was going to be with her when baby was born, she was. 3 weeks into the month SS's wife was due I wondered if the baby had been born, asked husband. Not sure why he had not told me but he said that his son had sent him an email. I received no word from no one. I wrote a congratulatory email......holy smokes! I got this terrible response back basically accusing me of lying that i had not been informed, how could I have not been present (what?), where was I (the Gma?). She told me to never contact her again and said all contact would only be with SS.

SS said I hurt her feeling. I hurt her feeling? How? I had NO info. I had been asking questions but responses were vague. Okay, so I try to let go and overlook. We finally meet. She was all peachy, gave me a kiss on my cheeck and a big hug, talked 90 miles an hour, was just as friendly as could be. We had a couple good visits.

Then comes time to celebrate little girl's 1st b.day. Looking back I should have just kept my mouth shut but the whole mess I had tried to overlook by not being invited to the wedding and then being told I was a liar and never to contact her had been suppressed and stewing which I am terrible bad about. I try very hard to overlook this uncomfortable situations and just press on but it raely works for me.

SS's wife had asked if I could help with 11 one year olds, mid week during the day which meant I would have to take off work & drive an hour one-way for this b.day party. My first reply was that I would love to but I had to work and suggested that we come up over the weekend and drop off a gift and spend time together but told her not to go out of her way with a cake, we could make it simple. Then I thought to myself I could take off the day and maybe that woudl be real special for everyone so I got back on email (we had not tele #) and there was an reply sitting in my inbox from her saying that they had changed plans with the party, moved it to Saturday so that SS's bio mom could be a part of the celebration and asked if we'd still be able to come.

SS knows the tension.....remember we weren't invited to wedding because of bio mom? Ugh, that was it for me! Yep, I screwed up and that suppression came right back up.....I wrote her back, I do not cuss unless mad and I told her "Hell no, excuse my French but we will not be attending b.day party, there has been alot of issues with bio mom that perhaps you have not been informed about or don't understand. It would be best if we were not there." SS let go. I stopped all communication with him and his wife. Told husband I was done.....done with the games, done with the lies, done trying. This was his from here on out. All of this took place 8 months ago.

Since, SS has blasted his dad with several emails about what terrible parents were are, how we have shown no concern or interest in his daughter, continually throwing it in his face that he was not there when the baby was born. Unfortunately, I think he is trying to use his daughter as a tool of levarage against us to manipulate and control us/his dad. Neither of us are going to play that game. Last email he wrote his dad he told him he never wanted anything more to do with either of us. As I see it, SS made his choice, he has made his request and I wish them well. I will not chase them. People cannot have a mutual relationship if it is not a mutual ground.