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At what point do DH's start to burn out on the chasing?

Mominator's picture

Married for two years, together four. Disengaged from OSD 23/YSD 21 for two years now.

The first year (after kicking out YSD), DH went from a blubbering grieving dad, begging me to let her back in (yes, even after she assaulted me and I got a black eye), to deep rooted resentment towards me (which nearly broke up our marriage after the first year). He would call his daughters and leave messages every few weeks begging to get together for a bit or short visit. He would plan out sending b-day cards and Christmas gifts days in advance to make sure they got them in time, then to follow up with a text to make sure they got them because they were rude enough not to even say "thank you".

Going into two + years together, I'm starting to see a change in him. He's loosing his eagerness and groveling kiss-my-daughters-ass daddy syndrome. He completely forgot that the YSD's b-day is next week, and forgot to get the card (as per ususal---days--weeks in advance). When I asked him to call and leave her a message to try and get a bit for her b-day and so he could give her, her card, he was very reluctant ---he wanted to just send a text --- as if he knew what the response would be.

So, is that it, the lack of response from SK's that start to burn them out, and is there a pattern (years into it) where "chasing" slows down to nearly a halt, and they actually DO get on with their lives and with YOU????

aggravated1's picture

"When I asked him to call and leave her a message to try and get a bit for her b-day and so he could give her, her card, he was very reluctant ---he wanted to just send a text --- as if he knew what the response would be."

Why did you even remind him?

I don't know the answer to when they burn out. It's been 8 years and every so often the "please please please be with me"rears its ugly head with DH.

Mominator's picture

FYI~ I didn't "remind" him --he mentioned he forgot to pick up her card last night. I'm not going to be a complete bitch to my DH when he specifically asks my opinion on what to do and how to contact her, ---obviously. My goal was to help him teach her about trying to have a reciprocal relationship, because that is what he's trying to convey to her ---that he wants more than just being their supply chain, --he wants a reciprocal relationship. If he's going to ask for my advice as his wife, I'm going to steer him in the right direction. I'm not going to tell him to F* off.

I know it's hard to pound out details here. Smile

Mominator's picture

Ah no, no body. Just comments referring to "why the heck would I offer up what to do". Well, because he's my husband, and I just don't kick him to the curb if he asks my advice. He's respecting my opinion at that point, and I'm eager to share. He doesn't ask very often.

Mominator's picture

I can't even explain the rude flaming going on in here. I'm not attacking ANYONE personally. Not quite so for me.

And SA, shame on you. Obviously not all of us are as well versed and so well educated in the English language as you are with your wise words and wisdom so beautifully spelled out on every post such as yours. Big whoop. All I did was try and reexplain myself and you go off flaming me for my "words". Whatever.

So much for off topic and women on steroids. Full moon. Makes sense.

Jsmom's picture

In response to your question and nothing else, it was at least two years...We are on year three with SD out of the house and DH makes very little effort since he was always blown off by her. They had lunch a month ago for 45 minutes and he didn't even tell me until after since she has cancelled on him so many times. He has seen her 3 times in two years...

I know he cares, but we don't talk about it and I don't ask...