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Proactive vs. Reactive

bioandstep2009's picture

DH and BM have shared legal custody and 50/50 rotating physical custody of SS. DH is responsible for all medical/dental expenses for SS with BM not contributing in any way. Neither was ordered to pay child support since it was supposed to be 50/50 rotating physical custody. Prior to and after the divorce, SS has spent 99% of his time with DH so it really has never been rotating custody, more like DH having primary residential and BM having visitation. This went on for at least two years. For the past year or more, BM has been having SS EOWE. What's the problem? BM used to live 10 minutes away from the previous marital home that DH kept for the sake of SS, to keep some stability etc. She started the EOWE schedule because she basically met, moved in with and subsequently got married to someone who lives about an hour away. The whole time she was 10 minutes away, she never saw SS more often than an overnight here or there, or a weekend that was almost always cut short because either she was "sick" or SS wanted to come home. She's been talking for at least a year about taking DH to court so that SS can live with her. She figures and said, "Now that I have help" that SS should live with her, new hubby plus THREE skids who live full time in the other house. SS has lived in this house for the past 7 years of his life, is surrounded by aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, friends from pre-school and the same school district since he started Kindergarten. The other household does not have any extended family support network nearby (all out of town, most several states away), the skids over there have emotional and behavioral problems due to their own mother's abuse, there are three other kids over there whereas only one other kid in our household (my DD). We don't see how SS living with her is any improvement but she figures that because she is the BM, that he should live with her (never mind the absenteeism and overall neglect she subjected SS EVEN after the EOWE - per SS himself, "I never see mommy, she's always sick or in bed"). DH has consulted with two separate attorneys who have said not to worry, that she doesn't have a case etc. She claims she talked to her attorney and he was willing to move forward with her case. :? I don't know whether we should wait for her to serve papers on DH or whether we should take the initiative and file our own custody modification to make what has been status quo for years, the official custody arrangement i.e. DH with primary physical and BM with EOWE visitation. Any advice?