New to this all and need some input please
I'm new to this whole step-parenting thing and need some input on our situation if you would kindly. My soon to be husband has a 3yr old daughter. We had to file contempt on the mother because shes just out there. She constantly denies DF vistation. In the parenting guidelines for out state which is court ordered to follow he is to pick his daughter up on Fridays and she is to pick her up from us on Sundays. She refuses to pick her up. She has faked illnesses with his daughter as reasons for not allowing him to have her. We used to have cats, and had them for months as well as his family adn friends and his daughter never once had a problem. She sent her to us sick one weekend then denied the next weeks visitation stating she had her at the doctor the week AFTER she was her saying she has allergies to cats and needed allergy testing done...2 weeks after that dr appt(still wasent allowing us to get daughter) my fiance called the dr to figure out what was going on and she hadent even made the allergy testing appt yet. So he set it up and they called her. She didn't even call us with the results we had to call the dr. She takes her out of state for "family" emergencies that ONLY come up on his parenting times. Never once calls us before she leaves state, doesnt contact us for nothing. Has never gave us her address, place of work, they are both supposed to have insurance on her and exchange medical info never once has. The phone numbers she has given us three times have been d/c so no contact information. EVERYtime its his time for visits there is ALWAYS some excuse why he cant get her. Now shes saying since he has to work Saturdays that he cant get her Fridays because she is supposed to be called first before he gets childcare for her. He barely see's his daughter because of this...I think in the past 2months hes seen her 2 times. Can anyone give me any input on what the judge is going to do? We have text messages which is phone provider is going to send us stating that shes not letting him get her, "just stay away until we goto court" etc etc etc. Any input would be GREATLY appreciated.
God Bless.
Keep all documentation. It
Keep all documentation. It really depends on the judge, but I can tell you that the judge we had would be very upset with her for playing games. Some judges slap them on the wrist, but some judges don't like the law to be tested based on a mother's whim. Take as much documentation as you can regarding missed visitation, no contact numbers, etc. When you do see the judge, I'd ask that something be put in the order that visitation can be police enforced so that she can't play games in the future.
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
Thank you for your response.
Thank you for your response. She texted him earlier after telling his he cant get her Tonight because he works tomorrow and said "No more texts" which is the ONLY communication we have with her since she wont answer a call from him. We are sending all the texts to email and printing them up, is this allowed in court? I write down in a notebook everytime she refuses visits' which the texts state. Last time we had her they came to get her and her new hubby cussed and flipped my fiance off in front of all the kids...its just childish anymore. The worst thing is EVERYTIME her mom comes to get her the daughter cries begging to stay with daddy
Depends on the judge, but I
Depends on the judge, but I don't see any reason why the texts wouldn't be evidence that you can use to show her complete lack of communication. Most judges will see her keeping the kid from her father and not communicating about her well-being as not being in the best interests of this child. Some states are more promom than other though. Where are you?
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
I am in Indiana.
I am in Indiana.
Not sure how the courts lean
Not sure how the courts lean there. In any event, documentation is always a good thing! Good luck. Do you have a court date? An attorney?
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
OUr court date is April 23rd
OUr court date is April 23rd and we are getting the lawyer the 2nd. She claims she still hasent been served yet and is begging him to tell her court date. We had to give the only place we knew she worked since we dont have home addy or she doesnt tell us when she quits a job and gets new one(has had 3 jobs in 2 months) so if she didnt get it and doesn't call not our fault.
It isn't your responsibility
It isn't your responsibility to make sure she gets the papers. Let her deal with her own issues. I would recommend to ask for more time than you want, that way there is room for negotiation, but don't be unrealistic either. Let her be unreasonable and show her true colors. I really doubt the judge will be too pleased with her unilateral decision that she knows what is best.
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
We are supposed to get her
We are supposed to get her every other weekend, 4 one week segments a year and one 4hr visit during the middle of the week. We live 40mins from her now so we are going to ask that the midweek visit be turned to an overnight stay. Do you think we should ask for me and if so how much more?
I'd ask for every other
I'd ask for every other weekend and with the overnight during the weeks you have the weekend and TWO overnights on the other weeks:
Week 1 - Tuesday to Wednesday, Fri - Sun
Week 2 - Tuesday to Thursday
Week 3 - same as week 1.
This isn't unreasonable, especially since she isn't school age yet. Leave the door open for more time in the future (if it is possible with your work schedules and school districts).
Some things to make sure you get in the new order:
1) transportation (who drives)
Communication - (email, texting, etc.) with a timeframe for response to questions
2) Vacation and the fact that HERS can't interfere with your weekends or holidays
3) Holidays (ask for alternating holidays with your bf getting Christmas, Memorial Day, Labor Day in odd years and Easter, 4th July, Thanksgiving in even years). Specific times for these days
4) Ask for SD on bf's bday and Father's day every year
5) I'd see if you could get it in there that BM doesn't get to decide SD is too ill to visit
6) Phone contact (every other day at 6pm, bf gets to talk to sd for as long as sd wants to talk)
7) Police enforcement (due to her past history of violating your custody time)
Anything else that you can think of that she may try to pull.
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
i really wish BF had the
i really wish BF had the foresight to do the vacation thing where HERS cannot interfere. as it stands, every summer she is sure to take it on a weekend he has her and we go three weekends without seeing her.
Our attorney was awesome.
Our attorney was awesome. We left nothing for interpretation. Wingnut still tries to read things that aren't there, but ours actually spells out that Wingnut may take Creature to the pediatrician in these 7 circumstances and it lists them out (broken bones, cough lasting more than 3 days and not responding to medication, etc.) Every time exchange is listed. Transportation is listed, right down to dh must drive if it is snowing or the roads are slick. NCP may call once per day with the call initiating no later than 6:30pm. We did it all and I am glad because it took away a lot of Wingnut's control because she can't say "oh well, it isn't in the order".
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
Hopefully we can get more
Hopefully we can get more time with her. Its so sad seeing my fiance have to go through this all and how much he cries because of her keeping her from him. Im going to also make sure that she HAS to call before she leaves state with her no matter the reason. Thank you VERY much for all the great input it is SO helpful. We are going into this blind eye. he just bowed to her for so long.
Oh that is a good one. Any
Oh that is a good one. Any time either party leaves the state they have to provide contact information.
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
I pray because this is
I pray because this is tearing his daughter apart, she is a HUGE daddys girl
Make sure you document the
Make sure you document the time they spent together before and the things they did together (read to her, tuck her in, play time, outings, etc.) to show the court that this child is used to having her father around and that this is damaging to her.
Keep trying to see her on your scheduled days even if she won't do it. Text her anyway about the exchanges, so she can't say he isn't trying. She is probably keeping the kid from him in hopes that she can set a precedent that he hasn't seen her and you'll have to show you've tried.
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
Yeah we got all the texts
Yeah we got all the texts where he asks where she is going to be when he comes and gets her and she responds "your not getting her" I wish we could somehow record her without seeming like we are making her do it. When he goes and gets her she goes "Daddy do i get to stay with you for a long long time?" then when its time for her to go home she begs to stay another night.
By a video recorder and
By a video recorder and record your time together!! We did this too. Wingnut tried to say that Creature was afraid of us and that she hated being with us. We put a recorder in the background and just let it catch whatever was going on. Keep the texts that he sends and her responses.
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
Thats a really good idea! I
Thats a really good idea! I just didnt want it seeming like we are making her say it ya know and its being turned on us
BM may try to claim you
BM may try to claim you forced her to say it, but normal people are pretty good at assessing a child's demeanor, especially a 3 year old since they don't know how to fake "happy" "sad" etc. We were able to get 50/50 even though Creature told doctors we beat her because her demeanor and behavior while with us told the truth. So is she says into the camera "daddy, can I stay" but she is nervous or scared or if the camera was put on at exactly that moment, it would be suspect, but if the camera is rolling and no one says anything to her and she says "daddy, can I stay" and is hugging him and genuinely upset about not being able to stay, that is a whole other story. The important thing is that your bf respond appropriately to any questions like that, such as "I'd love for you to stay more sweetheart, but I'll think about you and miss you, but mommy loves you too (gag, snort) and it is important that we share", no "mommy won't let you".
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
Well we just found out
Well we just found out today, that since we filed the contempt papers and didn't have a lawyer at the time so we put self-represent on the papers if we get a lawyer before court it has to be rescheduled. So looks like we are going without a lawyer and praying that we get some time with her.
That's ok. Argue the
That's ok. Argue the contempt at this hearing and then file for modification and get a lawyer for that. You have plenty of proof that she is not following the existing order. Ask for a police enforcement to avoid having to keep going for contempt.
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
thats what I told him to do,
thats what I told him to do, fight it and then get a lawyer and we'll go back...im working on printing up all the laws on child visitation and all to have to take to court with us so we dont seem stupid. is there anything else I should be looking at/printing up to take with us to hopefully get it to go good and not be bent over and ya know
Not that I can think of. It
Not that I can think of. It sounds like you're doing all the right things. Maybe google case law for contempt on a custody order for your county? I don't know if that will help or not. Just be respectful of the judge and to BM in the court's presence. Try to stick to facts that you can prove and pray that she loses credibility somewhere along the way.
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
it is going to be very
it is going to be very straight forward. and you are not going to get to argue 90% of what you have with you.
the key when you are pro se is this...STAY ON POINT. the judge does not care your opinion. he does not care for the gossip...or the bad stuff that BM does that does not directly relate. this is her emost pro se people mess up...they want to get it ALL in. and frankly, the judge just does not care. he/she has heard it all before.
so...you are the contempt petitioner. you get to go first. ONLY ONLY ONLY ever address the judge. NEVER NEVER NEVER addres the opposing party directly. ever. if BM says something, or her atty, that you object to...do NOT interrupt at that time. judges HATE pro se people who do not follow the rules and that is a major rule for attys.
Set forth in an affidavit all the information you have collected. each line of the affidavit (numbered) should correspond to a date of contempt. go in chronological order.
the date of the hearing...hen the judge asks for your case...go thru the affidavit in order. no tangentals. when you have proof, you can say "your honor, if i may, i have here receipts/journal/log of all incidents. i have a copy for opposing counsel (you must have a copy for them) and i would like to present this to the court. he wills ay fine..give copy to opposing counsel, give copy to judge.
at that point the judge might ask one or two questions. just answer them.
then the judge will ask them for their side. they will present some bullshit that will piss you off. guaranteed. stay calm. judge will ask some questions.
at that point you MAY (only may) get a rebuttal time to address the bullshit they presented. if there is something said really bad and the judge does not prompt yout o rebut you say "your honor, if i may, i need to address X said by opposing counsel. on x date, hat actaully occurred as..."
most important...stay calm and on task.
Great advice Folkmom! "A
Great advice Folkmom!
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
Im scared to death now. How
Im scared to death now. How do we make an affidavit since we dont have a lawyer?
easy. google it:) there
easy. google it:) there are sample forms online.
the heading should be the heading for the court case....
then put in center in all caps AFFADAVIT
then literally number 1 through however many it takes you...sentences of truth that he is going to sign to at the bottom. FOr example
1. On Jan 15, 2010, I went to pick up KID at so and so house at x time. Kid as not available for pick up at that time. BM told me i could not have child because...insert reason.
2. On Feb 1 2010, I received an email from BM stating....
3. On Date, BM refused to pick up kid at my house at x time. She said in email/text that her reason for not picking her up was...
and so on until all your examples are individually covered.
DO NOT...ever...put in "I heard from so and so..." that is hearsay. Youmust only put in things you have direct knowledge of.
at the end you say
Signed this DATE under the pains and penalty of perjury.
__________________________
SIgnature
Date
Im sorry im asking so many
Im sorry im asking so many questions, I feel like a total idiot. So in the affidavite we would list all the text messages telling us for example on so so date received a text message telling us not to come around child until we goto court, on so and so date BM told us child was to sick to come so so date BM after calling numbers were d/c so so date texted BM to see where to get child, received msg from BM that she was out of state? Do we need to get the paper signed in front of someone to make it legal?
You're not an idiot. This
You're not an idiot. This is tough to navigate. You'll be fine. Since you're presenting it, you don't need to sign it in front of another person.
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
no you do not need it
no you do not need it notarized. you can do that if you want...but all you have to do is actually sign it under pains and penalty of perjury and submit it to the court. ideally you submit prior to the court date.
thank you all for all the
thank you all for all the help. Im going to start working on the affidavit tonight because there is ALOT to put in it so far with all the texts.
Any way to forward the texts
Any way to forward the texts to email and print or otherwise provide them as documented proof? If not, I guess you could always present your phone to the judge.
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
right, because you can
right, because you can always attach the prints out as exhibit a, exhibit b and so forth. then in the corresponding line of 1. One x date she sent a text (See Exhibit A attached)....