Just another rant about a childish BM.
So this past week has been crap. Through all the medical bull crap and BM's refusal to communicate / controlling crap she still can't read the stupid visitation agreement.
Since she ignore SO's messages requesting to know where I'm picking them up tonight to the point of flat out ignoring him when he asked at the hospital he finnaly sent today that I would be following the agreement.
She then sent back a message griping that he talked to her mom already and didn't let her decide.
Yes he talked to her mom Saturday. GM was in the ER again and GM watches the kids while BM works. He called to figure out where his kids were. He and GM have a decent working relationship and since the order states that exchanges are to happen at GM's home he asked of she know anything.
She said she thought that I would be picking up the kids at her place at 6. Well ok that's not what time the agreement states but cool still need confirmation from BM. Nothing comes and he sent the message about pick up this morning.
He had originally asked because BM has NEVER made him follow pick ups. She let's him pick them up early from school and pretty much doesn't care when he returns Sunday since they go to GM while BM works. If kids are out of school BM will message and say he can come get them early.
If he can he will. He wants all the time he can with the kids and since this goes through the court accepted parenting app he can use it later if he needs to.
Well thing is when BM isn't happy she refuses to confrim stuff till the last moment and she's not happy about this summer vistation. She loves being in control and will try to get her way by just being a general c*nt, whining, lying, ect. But when it comes time for the kids to leave she wants them gone ASAP.
So I get home and ask about the pick up. I DO NOT contact BM all this goes through SO. I was expecting to pick the kids up at GM late tonight. Now it's changed and SO gets to go pick them up. Now she's willing to talk. She wants them picked up at her house (rolls eyes but whatever it's just a few streets over) and is telling him he has the pick up time wrong. That the agreement says ealier.
You'd think since this is the 5th time shes wrong she'd have read the damn paper work by now.
So I ask if he's gonna point out her mistake. Nope just agrees but wants to demand it's still at GM. No Im worried if he did that she might actually get a hair up her ass and say the later time. I told him if he screws it up and demands later he's still the one who's picking them up screw his work.
The only reason I was doing it was because the time would make him late to work. Since the time was moved up he can do it now I expect him to. If he wants to poke the damn bear by demanding GM house he can pay the price and pick then up later.
Now I don't deal with BM directly but when SO does it understandably upsets him and he withdraws from me. Since this whole matter has directly concerned me it's been extra fun
So this whole week has been hell. I love him but BM really needs someone to knock some sense into her and have her grow up.
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Home from getting the kids.
Home from getting the kids. Everything went great until SO tried to get her to keep the cell phone.
Without talking to him he got their 7 year old a phone. That's fine. SO clearly told her in their app that he did not want the cell phone to come to our place. He then clearly told her if the phone came to our place it would be turned off and put away.
Well BM makes sure kid has phone and refuses to take it when SO attempted to leave it. He calmly explained that it would be turned off and put up.
Oh she was not happy she was screaming he was not allowed to touch it because it belongs to her and it's so she can have contact with daughter. Tried saying she'd already talked to the lawyer.
Don't care. She has both SO and now my number so she can call us to talk to the kids. SO has never prevented her from speaking the rare times she has called. He's also never told the kids they can't call.
So we're home and SO gets to take the phone before he leaves for work. This is going to be great. Sigh.
Exactly, he never should have
Exactly, he never should have said a thing about it to BM.
Once in the car he should have said, hand over the cell phone and then powered it down.
If the kids threw a fit, parent them but stop trying to change or control BM.
Be aware that BM is probably going to tell the skids to sneak the phone in. She'll tell them to lie to Daddy and say they didn't bring it.
I don't mind helping out from
I don't mind helping out from time to time. I've done it once before in the 6 months we've lived together. SO didn't demand I do it. When he saw that she was suppose to keep the kids till later we talked about it. Him going to get them and being late or me doing it for him. He does favors for me and that's how I look at it. It would have been helping my partner out and doing him a favor.
The issue arose because of the exact pick up it was. She's done this crap each holiday.
No need for the tiff over the
No need for the tiff over the cellphone. Not necessary. Should not have mentioned it at all. Kid and phone get in car. Kids and Dad walk through your front door. Dad takes phone and puts it up. End of story.
By discussing it in front of kids, it pits one parent against the other with the children being well aware of the argument. By now having heard Mom's two cents, it puts Dad taking the phone a "but Mommy said I could have it". Which is partly why these things shouldn't be talked about in front of children.
"Sorry, kid, Mommy was mistaken. You get the phone at Mommy's house because that is Mommy's house and her rules. My rule says you use the phone I provide for you. Your phone will be right here put up where it's safe and when our visit together is finished, we'll take it back to Mommy's"...end of kid/Dad discussion.
Dad needs to get phone calls when, how often, method blah blah in the CO they are currently working on. Some orders set how many a week or day, time of call, length of call ect. You'll find blogs here telling about BM's texting/calling half the day and then again in the wee hours of the night as kid is suppose to be in bed sleeping. It's best to spell it out in the CO before it becomes an issue as your BM and Dad already are in disagreement about the phone.
The phone was a problem from
The phone was a problem from the second BM got it. She told daughter she'd get to keep it at our place. She had no right to do that. SO attempted to let her fix it. He talked to her through their app first and she selectively ignored what he said.
He attempted to have daughter leave phone because he had already informed BM it wouldn't be used at our home and he didn't even want it here. When she refused he sent daughter to the jeep. BM was yelling at him while he walked to the jeep. He did not engage further.
Not telling her wasn't going to work it just delays the blow up and then she gets to say "well he know the phone was coming and could have told me." If it's a month to month phone then he gave her a chance to not waste money by paying for a month the kid will not get to use it.
The phone shouldn't have come. It shouldn't have been put on dad at all. He shouldn't have to take the phone away. He will and that will but it's not gonna be the end because BM is gonna use it every time she calls. "Well I'm sorry daddy took your phone that I got you."
You are correct, there are
You are correct, there are many things he shouldn't have to do. But, he does, so he and you need to find the least confrontational way to deal with it.
BM is never going to change, again you shouldn't have to but you two are the ones who will have to change the way you deal with her.
It doesn't matter what BM tells SD, Dad has to parent her and let her know that the rules at Dads house are different and BM has NO power there.
Might want to make sure SD
Might want to make sure SD can't sneak & get phone to contact mom through it. The phones she already has access to will be fine, but be prepared for a fit about the phone after each talk she has with BM.
Not sure what kind of phone it is but I wouldn't even turn it on once while you have it so that all messages & calls don't show as retrieved & ignored to be used against you.
BM did not discuss the phone
BM did not discuss the phone before buying. No she doesn't have to but after buying it she messaged him to tell him that daughter would have the phone.
Through the app he said not at his place. When we picked up the kids he attempted at first to prevent the phone from even coming with us by talking to BM while daughter was already walking to the car.
She's the one who made the scene by starting to yell which he calmly walked away from. Since she refused to keep it he said nothing more got in the car and we left. I don't feel he was wrong for attempted to have the phone stay there.
I know she messaged twice while we were driving but he handled it. No clue what was said.
I think he is reconsidering how he wants to handle the phone while it's at our house. I'll find out more tomorrow. Tonight the phone sat in the little purse daughter brought it in.
BM called and A didn't even notice because she was playing a game. She's 7 and it's a tiny flip phone. Don't think it could even access internet or really handle any apps.
Anyways I heard phone ring and went to SO to let him know it had gone off and daughter didn't even notice. Of course BM was already calling him. She first started to yell and he explained the phone hadn't been taken yet and daughter could have answers but didn't due to being distracted. I think he wanted to make a point to BM because even with the phone in daughters possession it didn't work out the way she thought it would . Right or wrong that's what happen.
I went and got the kids. Daughter even confirmed she still had it by asking mom why she didn't call her so BM didn't say anything else.
Before leaving SO told daughter to give him the phone. She was upset but not horrible. She kind of stuttered a bit then asked "you don't want me to have it." He explained she didn't need it now since it was bedtime. He told her that BM could call me if there was an emergency. Also that if A absolutely needed to talk to him she could get me to call on my phone.
She asked about being able to call one of her cusions and we explained that it was way to late at night to be calling just to talk. She accepted it well enough and went back to her game. Dad said goodbye left for work and I haven't hear anything else about the phone. Kids finished their game we did story time and they are now in bed.
I think he is considering keeping the phone on him so that if she ask she can use it but he can monitor it completely for now. Also so if BM does call it does get answered. That's his choice. I'm not watching it, it's not even in the house right now, and it wasn't a meltdown over it.
A is pretty smart and well behaved. She knows throwing a fit is not the way to get what she wants. She and dad will figure it out tomorrow I'm sure while I'm at work and he'll let me know the plan.
Maybe it wasn't handled the best way but we're all of is are still very new to this. Slip ups are going to happen. He attempts to be polite with BM. No he can't control her but he has to deal with her.
He does for the most part restrict their communication to the parenting app. If he answers a call and she starts yelling he will hang up. Exchanges in person are new because like I said he use to just get them at school for the most part. I don't see many happening except during the summer.
He talked calmly when she started to yell he walked away. She will either learn she can't treat him that way or she will continue to find their communication limited. She SAYS she wants to be civil and all that and if I really look at it I do believe her behavior has been SLIGHTLY better this past month. But for every two steps forward she takes one back.
I also know he may be worried because he can't speak to his lawyer since the guy is on vacation for about another week. He maybe just doing what he feels is best to keep the calm till he gets legal advice from the lawyer.