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DH gets raise and bonus, ex-wife profits

livlaughlov's picture

We had some good news lately. I lost my job and we were worried about DH's job too. But after his performance review not only did he get a $7000/yr raise, he got a $10,000 bonus. That was great news, right when I lost my job and we need the extra income while I look for another one.

Then I did the math. DH's seperation agreement says that he adjusts his CS payments every year, based on last years income. Which means we have to ADD $17,000 to his income and pay CS on this new amount.

What really gets me is it is the GROSS amount (17K) meanwhile, bonuses are taxed at 50% in this country (Canada) and the 7K put him in a higher tax bracket too! So, we'll get $5000 or so from the bonus, and an extra $291/month in income.

However, we now have to pay ex-wife and extra $248/month in Child support. So his "raise" of 7K gives us and extra $43/month in income. But here is the cruncher, his shared extra expenses now go up. She recently got a job (finally) but he will still be paying over 80% of all "extras" Because there are so many, we will actually PAY OUT MORE than the extra $43/month in income.

So what the HECK is wrong with this picture???? We have 2 kids, she has their 2 kids. MY HUSBAND gets a raise and a bonus and SHE AND THE FIRST TWO kids benefit. DH and the "second" family get screwed again.

Welcome to the wonderful world of BM's and "first" wives. Entitled by our F*&*&ED up LAWS to DH's hard earned money. Physically divorced, but financially still married to OUR HUSBANDS!

soverysad's picture

I hear you. We have to pay CS based on DH's prior years income and since bonuses are included in that income, we shell out that money to Wingnut even though the bonus may not repeat, so she gets money we don't even have every month. The courts don't care about second wives or additional biokids. They have to "protect" these weak women who had the man first and can't be expected to help themselves.

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

TheWife's picture

This is totally fucked. I swear, StepTalk should start some kind of movement to get the CS laws and rules revised. I am all for it!!

~*~When you kiss ass, your breath smells like sh*t~*~

Silver's picture


livlaughlov's picture

Their seperation agreement says that he has to give her his income tax statement every year. So she'll find out. Also, he is brutally honest and does things "by the book" even if the book should be used for toilet paper!

She only gives us her income statement if there are "extras" to share, but he has to every year. She only just got a job after 8 years of living off him and the gov't.

What is even MORE maddening is that one of the reasons he has a good job now is that I used MY contacts to get him in the door. And I increased his self esteem to the point where he would even apply for a job like the one he has now. When he was with her he made 1/3 of the money he does now cause she constantly beat him down to the point where he didn't have the confidence to go for a better job.

The BM's say "well the kid should benefit from the increased money cause if we were still together the child would benfit" etc. etc.

I call BS on this. Well, you AREN'T together anymore! And whose to say if you were STILL together he would be making more money?! Perhaps, if you were still together, he would be bringing in LESS money that you now get for CS! And maybe, just maybe, the new wife had a hand in helping him earn a better income, and maybe HER children should benfit from that.

And maybe SHE (the "2nd" wife) made sacrifces for this new earning power (I was pregnant and sick as a DOG while he worked over-seas to get more experience with MY brother-in-law).

Sorry for the rant. But the whole thing is a BM SCAM in my opinion.

StepCHill's picture

FH gets a bonus this year (50g) and he is moving up in rank which is another 300 dollars a month but guess where it goes?? HER. WE sacrifice WE make money We support SS3 but because she's never worked and is a waste of a person she makes almost as much as we do a month. Its garbage.

soverysad's picture

Judge told dh the same thing "you were happy with her living off of you for many years and now you want her to change?". Well YEAH, I do expect her to change. I can't afford to households!! It is ridiculous.

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

nycSM's picture

This is my worst fear right now. My bf goes to court in a few weeks because BM is accusing him of abandonment (which is NOT true, we have proof, etc etc). In fact, he pays for everything and the b*tch won't get off her a$$ to do anything for herself.

She hasn't had in an income for over 2 years BUT bf asked her to get a job because she had spent every last dime he had earned. She never did anything about it. Not even a month later and she's telling HIM to get a weekend job on top of his full-time gig which forces him to spend 20 additional hrs a week commuting.

My fear is that a judge will look at him and say 'too bad' and force him to pay an obscene amount of money to her lazy, entitlement-scheming pathetic waste of space.

I'm fuming this morning so excuse my vent...

soverysad's picture

Depends on the judge and the state, but our judge did make Wingnut get a job. She was out of work for 5 years (she "retired" the day she found out she was pregnant.) The judge felt that dh should "help her get on her feet", but not support her forever. She got 4 years alimony (on top of the 3 he all ready paid prior to the divorce settlement) to get a degree. We're one year in and she hasn't taken a single class, so when alimony ends, she'll be broke.

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

Constantly_guilty's picture

In my DH's case, Screech was assigned an income even though she wasn't working. She had worked on and off during the marriage and therefore there was an income history to point to even if it was inconsistent.

Initially the judge assigned her an income of 15K (so nothing basically) but she was told that within one year she had to have established an income of at least 30K or the judge would automatically readjust her to the 50K income she made for the first 4 years of their marriage.

So of course, as soon as the shit was about to hit the fan for her she remarried. New husband gets to take care of her sorry ass and since she decided she didn't need to be a mommy anymore now that she has new husband to pay her way, she no longer gets CS. So Screech is officially OFF THE PAYROLL. Sorry to brag ladies but do understand that this was AFTER giving her about a half million dollars over the years so we are thrilled.

Milomom's picture

OMG neverends...that is so pathetic. I am speechless. Wish I could say something positive and constructive, but I can't. I am appalled that a JUDGE actually said something like this to you...just that a JUDGE said something like that AT Can I ask what state you live in?

Milomom's picture

livlaughlove, we all hear you loud and clear - all the way from Canada to every state in the U.S. (lol). AND WE AGREE 100% AAAHHHH!!!

I'm so sorry that the CS system is so screwed up - not just in this entire country, but also in others, and how it is affecting your life. I wish it could be changed & be more fair. I understand your frustration and can completely empathize - I feel the exact same way you do.

It reminds me of the type of people here in the U.S. that scam the govt. - take welfare and/or unemployment $$ they receive and purposely avoid getting a job or making something better with their lives...because then they won't qualify for their welfare checks anymore. I'm not talking about the people who the system was designed & intended to help during temporary hard times...I'm talking about the scammers. Sigh...our tax dollars hard at work...

I'm too annoyed to say anything more, I just can't stand when I hear stories like this, well, because your story is MY LIFE also.

The only way for this legalized embezzlement to stop is to have the DH'S/BF'S of the world STAND UP FOR THEMSELVES, BAN TOGETHER, WRITE TO THEIR LEGISLATORS/LAWMAKERS AND MAKE A CHANGE!!! Unfortunately, we "second wives", "second families", "new girlfriends" don't have a LEGAL leg to stand on, because WE didn't marry these bloodsucking, good for nothing, dependent-for-life women...our DH'S/BF'S DID!! The longer they allow themselves to be treated this way, the longer the CS will remain the way it is in this country (and obviously through other countries on this planet).

I have to go vomit now....

Jenner3's picture

I empathize. I'm considering leaving my guy because of the realization that Iwill never be first, my daughter will never be first and we will likely always be secondary to his first wife/kids financially. Sad to say, never thought I'd say it but money really does matter. When my b/f of 3 tears can't afford to buy me an acceptable engagement ring at his 200,000 a year plus salary because he had been racked over coals buy cheating ex wife who I call "octomom" because she keeps on having kids I am done. She has kids and a new husband and my b/f is paying for all of them. It is enough to either make you crazy or realize that you deserve more and expect it.

Hogger's picture

My bf was court ordered to pay $1300 a month for CS and SS. If he pays this she will "earn" more money then him every month and she sits on her fat ass watching TV all day long! It is so frustrating seeing these lazy women win over and over again in court. When are the judges going to wake up and realize what is going on! My bf gets a new job 2 yrs after he left her and she gets to benefit from him trying to self improve, he should only have to pay her support on what he was making when he left plus cost of living increases. The courts are blind and ignorant in Canada.

blackberryholic's picture

Oh I'm so relieved to stumble on this site! I have the same situation - we get screwed out of EVERYTHING because my husband's exwife sits on her ass all day and rakes in the CS. I have nobody to really vent or talk to about it here though, because everyone treats me like I'm a horrible stepmom for thinking he needs to pay less. I'm not saying he shouldn't be responsible for the kids....but clearly, there is a problem when she has NO job and drives a $35k car and we get to keep only 35% of his paychecks. DH doesn't have a *huge* income (he's military) but he makes enough that we SHOULD be comfortable and yet, we're always having to scrape by. I'm working on a graduate degree and work part-time, but instead of focusing on my schooling, I'm forced to use my student loans to pay our bills...they're not even extravagent ones -we have no luxuries! Yet we can't get CS modified, because we're told it is fair since the psycho ex (I lovingly refer to her as the walrus) has no job. I feel guilty, but I really resent my stepchildren at times, because the money I do earn has to pay basic needs, while DH's income all goes to his my kids get screwed, while his get trips to Disneyland (totally on our dime of course, but the kids think it's their BM who's paying). I seriously have a countdown of how much longer this will continue - 15 years. UGH. Sad to say I should have REALLY conisdered the life I want for myself, before I married my husband. I don't even know what to do anymore.

vanrocksout's picture

I was told to my face by our lawyer that the only child that counts is the first born and it doesn't matter how many you have after....the courts only care about the first kid or first family. I am a single mother with a husband.

I am in the same situation. DH has to watch every penny of OT he makes....I actually get sick when he makes more money because we don't see it. It goes directly to BM beeatch every June when the CS payment goes up.

BM only works part husband supplements her income. I work two and three jobs to provide for the family.

I can't wait till SS12 finishes (if) high school....I know he won't attend college.

Rebel78's picture

That really depends on the state - There are states that have gone to a "income shares model" that do consider subsequent children in the calculation of child support. In TN it is supposed to make it a bit more equal. So they assigned BM a 'minimum wage salary' since she didn't have a job (and still doesn't...oh wait..that's not fair...she makes hats..and emailed SO recently to specifically state that it's serious since she is moving into Rabbit Hair..??)

Anyway they calculate who owes what on this model, and if SO and I had a child then they would calculate the 'hypothetical' support he would owe to our child based on our two incomes and 75% of this would be a credit to his gross income when calculating his support to his two current children..the more kids we had the higher the 'credit' to his gross income..unfortunately for us, his support to any of our children would be lower since I work and make about the same as he does.. Wink BUT it would still reduce his income when calculating CS..

colorado's picture

So much is unfair about the system. It really is sickening, I agree.

Ex wife hasn't worked in four years. "Accidentally" got pregnant by boyfriend and was "coincidentally" due one month after her alimony ended with my husband. Even though we have kids one week on, one week off, we still have to pay her. Even though she doesn't work! And Colorado law lets the skank ex claim zero income for 18 months after each new kid by new guys. So this could go on for years! My husband does make good money, but ANYTHING looks way better than her zero when you plug it in the calculator. Oh, did I mention...she waited until two weeks after her last alimony check to get married while 9 months pregnant. Class act.

scorpio's picture

Same here, even though we have kids one week on, one week off, we still have to pay her.

I find this so unfair, why would she even make an effort to get a real job when she can work for cash and get $$ from my bf!?

I live in Canada and thought the law was f'ed up only here..I guess it's like this everywhere!