Why SKs and BMs act the way they do toards us and are less than enthusiastic about us- these situatiosn are unnatural for all

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Let's think about it. Who is wired to want separated/never married/divorced parents?

Who is wired to want another woman mothering their kids?

We are the only species that does step/blended families. We are the only species that splits custody and has to "share" OUR kids with another woman/man who is not a bio parent.

Maybe we don't know what God's plan was/is, but we certainly know that blended/step families aren't natural.

And to add to that, most species parent their offspring correctly and never veer off track from how they, as a species, have raised and parented their offspring for eternity. They get it right from the start.

So to me, I can sort of see why these situations would lead anyone to go crazy, including BMs and SKs, and act the way they do. Yes, the way they act is frustrating too. But the reality is that they probably hate these situations as much as we do. Granted, the BMs contributed to these broken homes, to varying degrees. But I still think these situations do numbers on everyone involved in them.

The craziness and wacky-ness of these situations also lead me to believe that more of our hatred should be directed to these' kids parents, because they failed to parent their kids properly and teach them coping mechanisms at an early age, when it is best to do so. Other species seem to have parenting right.

I agree that these are

I agree that these are situations that not many people would choose for themselves, and that makes for some cranky people!

I also completely agree on a lot of our skids behaviors being the result of parents failing to parent. I have told myself that my skid being the way she is isn't entirely her fault, but the fault of her dad and mom. Although, I really think she would act the way she does whether her parents divorced or not. From everything I've heard she was a spoiled brat from day one.

I agree that the problems

I agree that the problems most of the skids have is because of the lack of parent from one or both bio parents. These skills are tought from and early age and they progress as a child gets older.
For example I was raised by my bio parents my mother stayed home and did the house work and took care of us kids. My father worked one to two jobs to support his family and was a back up disciplianary when my mother needed help. They were good parents. But they didn't teach us how to vaule a dollar or any coping skills. We didn't play any kind of sports growning up so there was no lesson learned about being a sore loose or compititaion. My mother was a high school drop out so she never helped with home work. Basically me and my sisters grew up thinking we would get married and our husbands would do what our father did. That was one big fat joke on us. We had to go out in the world and learn how to be single parents and in our cases our marriages didn't work because the men we picked were not nice like our father and they didn't care if they did us right or not. We learned real fast most men were not like our daddy. We didn't do well in relationship because we wanted what our parents had.

I see in these step parent cases that alot of times both bioparents are so busy blaming the other that they don't do whats best for the child. Which should be their only concern. BM are controlling and want total say so in their children lives. The DH/SO/BF before SM usally let BM have all say so or just check out completely. The ones that do have their kids usally let thier kids rule the roost Disney Dads. I'm sure these roles vary. But that is what I see and have experienced with DH and BM.
Then SM steps in and want things to run smoothly. SO to make that happen we set rule and boudries. And all hell breaks loose. Because stp kids and BM do not want to give over their control.

Sorry so long.

We are the only species that

We are the only species that does step/blended families.

Not exactly, there are species of birds that take care of young that are not their own. I'm just saying. I'm a little too exhausted to remember the exact species, but, I seem to recall that there is a species of gull that do this. Granted, there are some birds that become unwilling stepparents when their mate is cuckolded or parasitic birds put their own eggs in the nest with the nest owners eggs. But, they still care for the baby birds regardless, sometimes even to the detriment of their own babies, but, that's another thing all together. Naked mole rats and honey bees also take care of offspring that are not their own. These species are more siblings caring for other siblings, but, still. Non-parental creatures are caring for offspring that are not their own.

But, we still are the only species that do it in the way that we do; the parents living separately and the kids traveling back and forth (or worse, the kids residing in one house and the parents taking turns to live in the house with the kids).

Again, not exactly. Our environments are constantly changing, and, as such, parenting and caring for offspring changes as well. Parenting exhibited in animals today cannot be assumed to be the parenting tactics that were used for all eternity as the environment of the world in general has changed over time. Access to resources fluctuates and there are many other factors aside from that that contribute to the way that a species raises offspring.

I do agree, though, that responsibility for the way kids turn out needs to be directed towards the parents, especially those who fail their children. BUT, at some point, kids do need to take responsibility for their own actions; they make choices and they need to understand that they are responsible for the consequences of their choices. Knowing where the behavior originated from is one thing, but, putting all the blame onto the parents and holding the kids completely blameless is a bit much (don't know if that's how you feel, but, these are just my feelings in general that I'm sharing here). Otherwise you get a bunch of over entitled, over privileged goons who take no responsibilty for themselves ever.

"I do agree, though, that

"I do agree, though, that responsibility for the way kids turn out needs to be directed towards the parents, especially those who fail their children. BUT, at some point, kids do need to take responsibility for their own actions; they make choices and they need to understand that they are responsible for the consequences of their choices. Knowing where the behavior originated from is one thing, but, putting all the blame onto the parents and holding the kids completely blameless is a bit much (don't know if that's how you feel, but, these are just my feelings in general that I'm sharing here). Otherwise you get a bunch of over entitled, over privileged goons who take no responsibilty for themselves ever."

^^^EXACTLY^^^

Don't like the nature

Don't like the nature argument either. You have to actually do research into the natural order of things in the environment to claim what is natural and not natural, not just pick and choose for a particular species.

I agree with the poster that said our species has free will and that's the main difference. Many animals would actually LOVE if they don't have to do the mothering themselves, or have help from an outside source. Survival is difficult enough as it is. The cuckoo bird will pawn off their eggs to unsuspecting birds, and these chicks destroy the eggs/push out the babies of their foster parents so they get all the food.

But hey, there are gulls and geese that are same sex couples (whether by choice or not, we don't know), they actually cheat on their mates to get pregnant, and raise the chicks together as if they are their own biological ones from that union. Who knows if that's by choice.

And who knows that these

And who knows that these birds are actually cheating. That's a pretty anthropomorphic way of looking at it, which makes the study of animal behavior tricky.

The nature debate has long been proven inadequate, though people still latch onto it. There are so many things that contribute to a behavior and an environment that to say something is unnatural is a gross overgeneralization.

I am glad, though, that so many of us on here understand that lol.

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