Why does this bother me so much?
This morning I ordered SD and BS a new backpack and matching lunchbox. Then DH phone goes off and I see BM texted DH saying that she bought SD school supplies and is HE getting her a backpack. So at lunch I asked him what he said to her... he says "I told her I ordered SD a backpack for when she is here"... so I said “You?” “When did you order her a backpack?” He says... “You know what I mean”... for which I replied “No, no I don’t know what you mean! I ordered it, NOT you”... so he says “you are blowing it all out of whack and that it doesn’t mean anything.”
Well, to ME it does mean something! What I want to say is... Tell BM why the backpack will be for only when SD is with us! Tell BM that the one we SHARED last year along with the lunchbox had to be SCRUBBED down before SD could even use it when she was with us! Tell BM that she doesn’t know the difference between bleach and ammonia, but feel free to mix both together in a closed up closet and breathe deep!
At the very least he could have said... SD has a backpack and lunch box for when SD is here. But I would prefer you purchase your own for when SD is with you. How hard would that have been?
I've been there before except
I've been there before except take out back back and replace with halloween costume. There's always something!
what pisses me off is that i
what pisses me off is that i never get credit for things i do. i buy them things occassionally and it's always DH taking the credit for it or just omitting that it was me that made the purchase. it's not even just about the crap for the skids. he will do that with his buddies telling them about something. HE checked out information about an event or HE called and checked something out or HE bought the tickets in advance. BULLSHIT. it pisses me off. give me credit for taking the time or spending the money. i don't like seeming like i dont do anything and he's working his ass off because that's crap.
i think it has something to
i think it has something to do with them so used to being better off without the ex that they stick to this I can do it all attitude and forget that this excludes the step mom's role/accoplishments ect
Funny thing with DH is when
Funny thing with DH is when he was with BM HE did do everything for the house and SD... so BM was use to this and that is why she has such a hard time thinking DH would let me do anything since he is a bit of a control freak. I am sure she thinks DH should still do everything for SD just like when they were a family. So it is DH that should have told her I was the one and not him... she would have said the same thing as she always does... You (him) should have done this or that and NOT her (me)... she still thinks they live in a castle and she is the queen and SD is the princess... and DH should just do it all.
I know what you mean. I used
I know what you mean. I used to have similar arguments with DH. But what I learned is that avoiding a fight with me would often lead to a fight betweeen DH and BM. And this is much more difficult because there is little incentive for DH and BM to make up after a fight and the anger and resentment between the two of them can last for a long time.
Try asking yourself a few questions to find out why you're so upset. Is it because you want BM to know that you are helping provide for SD? Is it because you want DH to stand up to BM regarding her poor parenting? Is it because you want someone to show appreciation for what you are doing for SD?
i personally want someone to
i personally want someone to realize that i'm making efforts to help support the skids too and that DH isn't the only one footing the bills for them. i could careless what BM thinks because im sure it never gets back to her. i'm curious what the skids say to her about me but that's another topic as i'm sure all skids play both sides and tell what's going on at the other house.
am i just being selfish or doing the "look at me" thing???
I think the sky would fall on
I think the sky would fall on us all if DH stood up to BM over anything! The report card issue came to mind when he said he was the one that ordered the backpack. I called the school looking for SD report card since BM didnt send her the last day of school so SD didnt get it. BM sends DH a text saying HE should have been the one to call and NOT ME. F U B! I can call on anything I want and I do, BM just never is told since if it wasnt for me half the shit that takes place with SD would NEVER happen.
I guess if he told the truth he would get in trouble again for ME doing something HE should be.
But it is fine and dandy for SD to stay at home with her step father on camp days... that is just FINE and her calling him Daddy is just FINE... but when it comes to anything I do or say it is not allowed.
And I wonder why I even give a pooh about any of them! If I only cooked, cleaned, washed clothes for and shopped for DH and BS THEN I would be an asshole... but HE would still say he does it all to BM!
Well, let me add that MY
Well, let me add that MY credit card that I pay for with money I earn from my investment account that DH doesnt and never has put money into paid for said backpacks and lunchboxes... but that is just splitting hairs.
I say it because BM has made it clear that SHE doesnt want or like me to have any say in or do anything for SD... so this just makes it very clear that he is more than happy to make BM believe that she is in control just like she wants.
And yes, to me letting BM know SHE doesnt make the rules in our home is worth arguing over.
dh most always gives me
dh most always gives me credit when credit is due.... but i can agree that i would be pissed, too if dh took full credit for something he probably didn't think of......
but in the big scope of things, you should let this roll ~~ he knows now not to do it in the future -- i HOPE! and skids will know you ordered ~~ especially when you give it to them and tell them YOU ordered it special for them!
Yep, he never even mentioned
Yep, he never even mentioned ordering them special backpacks/lunchboxes... I even splurged for monogrammed intials for them both. I wanted to do this last year for when they started K, but didnt and I am so glad I didnt since BM would have ruined both with her lack of care on anything that comes from here.
I understand how you feel,
I understand how you feel, i've felt it too. And my DH is especially sensitive to this issue as his 2nd wife used these kind of tactics to make it look like it was only her that did anything for his oldest (her SD). And it worked. Oldest SD thinks DH is a loser and has never done anything for her.
I will say that I am guilty of not making sure the kids know that all we have and all they get is a result of both DH and I working hard to provide for them. I just assume they know it, but I think it does need to be reminded occationally.
SD12 however refuses to acknowledge that anything is from anyone other than DH. It grates on my nerves. She makes a big dramatic production of "Thank you soooo much daddy" but completely ignores the fact that I did or contributed anything.
I really want SD and BS to
I really want SD and BS to know everything they have is from DH and I working for it together. Every now and then BS will get something with me and SD will get something from DH only...but that is rare.
We try really hard to treat them equal... but with BS being with us 100% of the time it is hard to deny him something just because SD isnt there to have it too, so I made it clear that he will never be denied just to keep it equal.
It's a constant struggle at
It's a constant struggle at our home. My DD and DS are used to getting what they need and occationally something they want but never getting something just because the other got something. Fair is not always equal.
SD thinks that she should get something each and every time money is spent on the others. I think not. and the problems begin...
SD is the same... she will
SD is the same... she will see something BS has that is new and she will say "Wheres mine?"... never fails. Then I will say, just because your brother gets something while you are with BM doesnt mean you are going to get something too. And I am talking little things, nothing major...
SD even thought she was going to get a turtle because BS got one for his birthday! I was like SD your birthday is 7 months away, if you still want a turtle by then, sure no problem, but not just because you think you need it now!
Exactly what goes on at my
Exactly what goes on at my house. Then she goes on and on and on about what her mom got her. "oh, i have a better one of those at my house" "oh my mom got me one of those"
this child has EVERYTHING she wants. BM can not tell her no.
Bm is always a problem/
Bm is always a problem/ issue. You are only human where she is a nut case. Always, always, always drama. It is just the ways it is with most bms. Remember, they are a ex for a reason.
I look at it this way because
I look at it this way because me and my husband are ina partnership I dont care who gets the credit for getting the kids things..it comes out of our money anyways. I would much rather have my DH say it was him then me, because if DH states it was ME who did things for the kids, then she would get on his case about not doing anything for the skids. As long as BM knows the supplies were bought and the kids have it..who cares right?