Well that escalated quickly!
So I'm writing this as I'm sitting at home alone with my 7 month old...
2 hours ago my husband and I decided to go out to eat to this place we had been talking about since the last time we went there. It was actually my idea and we were going to leave the baby with his parents. He had been wanting to hang out with his oldest daughter so I suggested that we invite her and her bf to meet us there (his oldest is great and her bf is a nice guy).
Well that's when it all went to shit. He called and asked if they wanted to join us and they said that the place was too far for them. Which I thought he would say "ok, cool maybe next time" since I wanted to go to that place in the first place. Instead they tried to make arrangements to meet in a place that was closer to them and they suggested a place where we (my husband and I) are going tomorrow for a friend's birthday. When he asked if that place was OK I said, "no because we are going there tomorrow". He threw his hands up in the air and said all sorts of thing to me about why couldn't I just be ok with it. If it was someone else I would have ect. At that point I decided I was not going to join them.. He also told me to stop gulting him about going to spend time with her. So now I was the bad guy....again.
He ended up making plans to meet with them at a place closer to them and now I'm sitting at home...hungry and taking care of the baby. We only have one vehicle so it's not like I can even leave.
This is the kind of things that I feel cause resentment in our relationship.
I went and read your other
I went and read your other post too. Honestly between the behavior you described above and in the other post... I couldn't stay in a relationship like this.
Please order yourself something in to eat. Ubereats, doordash, something. What a jerk.
Do you really want this for yourself... and your child?
Take some action.
He will cater to his elder children. Period. He has no interest in prioritizing you or the baby. He has proven this repeatedly.
Believe him.
Make a change.
At the very least a third
At the very least a third restaurant that you can all agree on could be chosen.
"so I suggested we invited
"so I suggested we invited her"- I suspect you wont' make that mistake again. No good deed goes unpunished. Sorry this happened- I would order yourself something nice, maybe from the restaurant you wanted to go to. Add dessert.
Right
I just don't understand why it all went south sooo fast. I have nothing against his daughter and he knows it. This kind of reaction makes me just want to step back from it all. It's too much. His guilt is not mine to carry.
You are spot on, he made you
You are spot on, he made you the scapegoat for his own failures. I would make sure to drive that message home to him, especially since he knows you have no issues with her.
BTDT
My ex was like this. It goes south fast because daddio jumps for what their kids want and expects you to be the same. That is behavior from someone who doesnt put you first. Remember that. Give what you get.
My guess is that he feels
My guess is that he feels like you will forgive him or bounce back so to speak quicker than SD would if he blew her off instead so he chose to do it to you instead.
I took the advice
We didn't talk for the rest of that night and the next morning after a night of sleep we finally talked. I clearly explained that it wasn't ok and I did not feel like i should have been made to feel like that. He apologized (just a general appology). I asked him to give me a more specific appology because I really didn't know if he really understood why what he did was not right. Eventually he did. He said that he shouldn't have questioned my intentions and that he shouldn't have changed our plans for her and he understood that what he did was messed up. He even said that he gets frustrated when I don't pick a place to go eat and the time that I did he ruined it and made this whole mess out of it and that he should have beenvmore excited about it and not changed the plans. He did a that it was hard for him because he was afraid that she would feel bad, but that he needs to consider my feelings too. I'm still hurt, I had never stood up to a situation about his kids like I did . I really saw that I honestly did nothing wrong and that he was the one that did something wrong. For 5 years I have felt like it has been my fault because I don't like his other 2 kids, but I realize that part of the reason (aside from the way they treat me) has been because of the way he has treated me because of them or for them. How can you be happy for them to come over when it cause so much tension and hurt? How can you want anything to do with them if you are pushed to the side? I think this was a big eye opening and learning experience for both ofnus and fortunately he saw where I was coming from this time. I think there will be some changes. Thank you guys for the advice. I don't know anyone in real life who is going through a situation like ours.