BioParents With Delusions of Grandeur.....No I Will Not Take Care Of Your Kid While You Work
One of the reasons I am never step-parenting again is because the bio parents (the ones in my experience) have out of this world expectations due to entitlement and delusions of grandeur.
One time, I was sick with Covid and not even past day 5 (when the cdc recommends you can return to work, public with mask, almost normal), the disneyland dad blew up my phone (should have ignored but I thought he was dying or something) and asks if his kids can come over (he's still at work) to our house.
His scheduling capabilites are extremely lacking in proficiency, and asks me a mere 2 hours before he expects his ex-wife to pawn them off on me, swears they will behave like normal kids, not get in my face to risk catching illness. After all the pressure, I didn't have the energy to protest, so I foolishly aggreed.
I instantly regretted it as I kept hearing doors loudly closing/opening; floors constantly creeking; loud voices, etc.
I LOATHE when kids don't go to bed at reasonable hours (the hcbm and the disneyland dad have no boundaries around weekend bedtimes and it grates my nerves, when I attempted to improve that habit these weekend sloths protest hard which I why I hate when the skids touchdown here).
I wanted my rest to recover from covid but these inconsiderate bio parents literally dont gaf about me/my health (so now why should I ever help them in the future) nor do they care about their kids physical health if they're willing to expose them to highly contagious pathogens.
I survived covid and the ptsd inducing pushy aggressive skids / hcbm / disneyland dad that weekend but I REFUSED to take responsibility for his kids while he was at work or not physically present.
Now, when it comes to forced childcare sl@ve labor, my motto is:
"Get somebody else to do it!"
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I have found that the kids of
I have found that the kids of parents who love to pawn them off are especially unpleasant to be around. It's like, what came first, the chicken (parents always pawning them off) or the egg (kids behave like miserable little a-holes.) There is a strong correlation.
I think part of it is they’ve been raised to believe they
Are the centre of everyone's universe and everyone prioritise them when the hcgubm has abandoned them repeatedly but every now and then fakes the whole "i'm doing it for my kids bs." Then comes the fact that the kids have been raised with no structure, discipline or manners and boundaries and suddenly parent has a new spouse/partner and kids of that new marriage/relationship and they refuse to adapt and adjust. Its always the status quo and the first family must be worshipped and sadly too many parents don't reign their kids back into reality.
it took me 3-4 yrs after marrying my husband to really fight fir myself and my kids and make it clear to my husband his kids were not pleasant to be around, he could pay me money or butter me up with some getaway holiday but i still wouldn't torture myself or our 2 kids with his kids presence.
it was only when he was forced to go alone and endure his 3 kids that he realised whati was feeling. They were especially the sd's faking a 1 big happy family bs yet i was at home with our 2 kids. Hubby tried to ppay the victim then and how upset he was and I remember telling him that he chose to leave the house at 11am and return 7pm whilst i was raising 2 toddlers on a saturday only for the next day he be away at golf. He didn't care to ask about me or the kids and if we wanted takeaway. We were non existent.
he realised the big pile of shit he had dug himself into and never again did that. Its taken a long time but he's gradually getting there and has no issues telling them he's prioritising time with us since he works and lives overseas on contract so we do plenty pf flying back and forth so time is precious and limited
if skids won't make time for him, he won't sacrifice time with us for them. So anytime they guilt him for marrying me and having kids with me, its just pathetic because they refuse to see what awful people they are to be around, its depressing
^Im floored at why these bio
^Im floored at why these bio parents erroneously believe their bad ass kids need to be the center of everyone's attention.
Like what are they doing to earn "center of attention" award? I could understand this if the kid was a child actor/model bringing in tons of money or if the kid was genius level smart and catching news media coverage, etc. but even then a dose of "stay humble and level headed is key to preventing narcissistic skid in training.
Like 99% of the time these skids aren't doing anything spectacular and are only the center of attention to their delusional ass bio parents who put them on an imaginary pedestal.
Like your kid isn't doing anything important for me (matter of fact they and you are causing more problems than it's worth) and so no they are NOT the center of my world.
I've also noticed like you mentioned that these skid come from backgrounds where the parents are operating barely above CPS report level. No structure, no rules, hcbm has no boundaries and are flabbergasted when they hear the words NO
I flat out avoid the Disney land/guilt riddled dad and his skids when they come over and it crushes their overly self inflated (center of the world) egos plus drains tf out of him when he has to single parent his kids.
Maybe if those skids contribute to this household and contribute to society I'd feel different but shclepping around like bumps on a log purely existing, wasting my electricities, inhaling my food, being loud and obnoxious and annoying, acting entitled are all qualities that make me laugh when I think they're expecting center of the universe treatment just for being alive. Ok .... narcissist - in - training.
HCBM can raise her narcissists in training and HER house and make them the center of her universe.
Over here, I don't play that game.
I know hun
My inlaws don't dare open their mouths to sd's about heir behaviour, everything is sugarcoated and it's infuriating when behind closed doors when my husband or skids aren't there, finally they wanna address all the issues they saw.
my eldest sd went to a job interview and sat in pure silence and refused to answer any interviewer questions, she sat there and refused to answer anything and truly sat there dead silent then had the nerve to sms daddy with hysterically laughing emojis. She got the job because the ceo or director was a close frien of my husband.
you bet damn well i called out my hubby on that and how embarrassed is he feeling that after all the help he did to get her a job interview she had the nerve to not make an effort and further laugh about how pathetic she was, like how can you be proud of that and to recommend her for a job when someone else without th connections worked their arse off for a job.
hubby retreated because he knew i was right. I don't bullshit and sugarcoat and i've told him repeatedly that nobody in their right mind would wanna torture themselves with sd's presence in their lives and it's pathetic his exwife comes calling my sil about how i treat and love his kids like my own.
No hun, I don't treat or love your kids like my own when you don't even want them to exist in this world. Its just hcgubm narc trying to force her kids as a priority in my life, nope its home with my kids
NO! solves so much of this.
Drop off the spawn because (fill in the blank)" NO!
The only time that NO!... does not apply. Is when an NCP refuses visitation. In that case.... the CP has no choice but to continue to provide care and feeding of the spawn. The NCP pays CS just for that.
And I am married to the CP in our blended family adventure.
If I were the NCP, I would manage my time with my kids based on my needs and my X would have to adjust.
Fortuneately, not something I had to deal with.
Over the course of our 16+ years under a visitation order, the SpermClan on more than one occassion refused visitation for a year or more. No big deal for us. We just kept doing what we normally would do.
If a bio parent refuses
If a bio parent refuses visitation I'd report them to authorities (lawyers so they can put it on record, reduce their visits since they're not using them, and increase their child support or depending how severe (like leaves them stranded somewhere)...the police)
Abandonment and refusing visitation are two very differenent
No court is going to do anything about an NCP who occassionally refuses a COd visitaiton.
Police may just push back on someone making a complaint about an NCP refusing an occassional visitation. Most likely law enforcement will tell the complaintant that it is a matter for civil court.
The courts and Law Enforcment have more important things to deal with.
Refusing visitation is not against the law nor is it in violation of the CO. Preventing a child from visiting the NCP per the CO, is in violation of the CO. Generally visitation is the right of the NCP, not a mandate.
If they refuse visitation
If they refuse visitation (multiple times consistently) they can risk having their visitation reduced and end up paying more in child support. This is probably rare as courts want parents to be involved and give a lot of chances but it could happen during a court order modification
As far as police I mean I'd report if for example the kid was in one parents custody, dropped them somewhere and refused to pick them up or left them somewhere for long hours at a time especially if they're young.
There might not be much law enforcement can do but putting unsavory parents behaviors on record to attempt to hold them accountable shows the kid you defend their honor even if it is family/own parents.
Having a record of avoidant behavior, contempt of court, etc will eventually catch up the the repeat offenders. Many of these horrid parents act like magicians disappearing on their own kids then circle back pretending nothing happened while taking credit for work they didn't do.
Nope. Got a paper trail of unstable/avoidant/ neglectful/abusive/etc parenting for anyone who needs hard evidence.
Absolutely. I agree entirely regarding a toxic parent who
violates the CO or neglects the kid.
Certainly a CP who refuses to deliver the kid per the visitation schedule or an NCP who never takes visitation may live the consequences of their choices. It is on the quality parent to make sure that the toxic parent lives those consequences. Forcing the toxic to face contempt motions, or motions for ammended visitation schedules and increased CS.
We made it our fondest hobby to keep the SpermClan in line and protect SS as much as we could from their manipulative toxic crap.
Nowadays most courts (def the
Nowadays most courts (def the ones where i live) do some form of joint custody. In my case, there is no custodial parent or domiciliary parent. Those things are legally shared. CS is prorated based on time with the child and income. That's how you can get a "parent" who gets their kid the majority of the time still paying CS.
Like in my SO's case. My SO has the kids the majority of the time but also reports his income, while BM is a tax cheat as well as barely seeing her kids. She still gets paid. I think it's supposed to be more "fair" to the parents that way amd also there are so many divorces and/or people having kids out of wedlock that the government doesn't have time to judge who is or isn't a fit parent. They just have a formula.
Sadly, the bottom 10%ers of the legal profession who seem to
often make their way to the family law bench generally are incapable of making decisions that are actually in the best interest of the child. The premise that it is best for a child to have a relationship with both parents is naive at best and often catastrophic for a kid who is cursed with a POS as one of their parents.
"Any child would be blessed to have the love and support of this fine family."
One of the comments made by the dumbass in the idiot Harry Potter robes slinging the toddler's Fisher-Price wooden hammer who presided over our initial Custody/Visitaiton/Support hearing. After he spent 10 minutes railing at the Spermidiot about his appearance, his hair, and how he had to grow up and be a father. The Spermidiot was 24 at that hearing. My DW was 18.
A quality decision would have been to nail the Dipshitiot for a shit ton of CS (instead of the $133/mo pittance that was awarded) and eleminated all visitation rather than the 7wks/yr that were awarded. Some people should not be in proximity to any child. Including their own.
Just my thoughts of course.
The Income Shares model of CS (a form of which is used by most States for CS calculation) does consider the combined income of the bio parents and the division of parenting time. In our case, DW was awarded full physical and legal custody at birth which was upheld in a paternity hearing before SS was 1yo and upheld again just before SS's second B-day when the SpermClan attempted to take custody from my DW. As it stood in SpermLand courts during out CO years, the calculation model raised CS every time a CS modification was requested. As my DW's income continued to rise as she completed her dual major BS, her MBA and progressed in her successful CPA career the Spermidiot's CS went up even as his % of income regressed based on DW's success. That is what ultimately stopped the SpermLan's repeated attempts to get CS lowered. Even as the Spermidiot added more OOWL Spawn to his brood, his CS went up.
The Online CS calculator that most States have is a great estimating tool for predicting the outcome of an attempt to modify CS
Things very well may have changed in SpermLand. It has been nearly 13yrs since SS aged out from under the CO. I am glad that we no longer have to deal with the SpermClan or the idiot bottom 10%ers of the legal profession on the family law bench.
LOL that's what he gets!
LOL that's what he gets!
His CS probably went up because the courts know
When it comes to dealing with a high-conflict biological parent and the stakes are high......using the top attorneys (with some clout and intelligence) is worth it
COVID doesn'texist when it
COVID doesn'texist when it comes to skids and visitation schedules. During the peak of covid when DH and I both got it it didnt matter. The visistation schedule stayed the same. SD cam here and DH spent the entire evening sleeping on the couch.
Luckily when I had it she wasnt here.
I feel like no illness where
I feel like no illness where you want peace to recover so you don't die exists to these ruthless bio parents.
Ironic though how when he had a severe respiratory illness similar to COVID he wasn't taking care of his kids so why dump them on me when I'm needing recovery not extra obligations.
I get you're point though, some of these parents do not care about contagious pathogens because they're desperate to get on with life even if it means risking their kids health but if they can't adjust a bit like your DH adjusted by quarantining to another part of the house then I don't want the hassle
I preferred them start the visit the next morning not the night I needed rest to recover or for him to take off work and be available for his kids (so I could rest) knowing I was sick.
And if this is how they act with COVID god forbid I have something more severe, just shows me what kind of people they are for having no ability to comprise during important periods in life and not people I'd want to deal with long term
Though I was adamant about the fact that if they caught COVID from me their mother who sent them here would be responsible for taking PTO to help them recover @ her house