Just Fking Lost It
As the title says, i just fking lost it on my SO. We are supposed to cook the duck for his family Christmas this evening at his parents', and we were about to go to the store and his sister calls. She lives across the country and when she talks to their mom on the phone and mom sounds sick, she overcompensates for living across the country by "diagnosing" mom and then calling all the other siblings to order them to do what she thinks is best. All over the phone.
I'm in healthcare, so I often get called to help, which i usually don't mind. Our last date night was cut short by me collecting and testing urine samples and calling in a UTI prescription. I don't totally feel comfortable with that, since i don't have all the usual diagnostic equipment at home, but i did it anyway because of pressure.
Well, today, SIL calls and says mom "sounds terrible." She fears pneumonia and mom needs an inhaler. Mom is hosting Christmas today, so, possibly SIL's phone diagnosis is a gross exaggeration by a daughter who wants to feel relevant from across the country on Christmas, or possibly the woman is gravely ill. I literally just woke up when the call came in and SO is wanting me to call in an inhaler then go assess his mom.
I fking lost it. I started crying, told him everything has to be all about him and his drama all the time, and asked him where the fk was he earlier this year when i got the phone call from my dad that my mom was struggling to breathe? Yeah, that's right, he was home with his kids and couldn't leave a 17-year-old in charge for a few hours because of BM2's ex-parte. Where the fk was he on the day of my mom's funeral? Oh yeah, he showed up late, after i had finished the eulogy that i was so anxious about, because he wanted to bring his mom (who had never even met my mom), and he left early. He said it was because he had work. I said, guess what, lots of people take off work for funerals!
I know i'm being irrational, but i'm so over it. He's moving his 22-year-old very troubled daughter into his home soon, and he also just informed me that he will be providing daycare to his brother's 8-year-old all Christmas break. That actually means SS17 will be babysitting because after last Christmas i said no more babysitting his nieces and nephews so he can look like the "good guy." And, this nephew's father just got his wife pregnant again. The 50-something man that, in a previous blog, i literally said "Thank God he probably can't reproduce again!" The guy who hasn't raised a single child to completion and SO always "rescues."
Anyway, i'm at my house losing my mind and my SO is, of course, at his mom's house. I sincerely hope she's ok and i kind of feel bad for not running over to help again. But, i'm in no position to be diagnosing or treating anyone. I haven't had my fking coffee and, oh yeah, i'm apparently nuts.
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I don't think you are being
I don't think you are being irrational at all. This man has brought so much drama to your life, and it's never been clear (to me) why you stay with him. It's not your job to assess and treat his mother, in fact, as you know, it's not even particularly right or ethical. My dad was a doctor and he treated us kids for simple things like strep throat and other minor infections, but for more serious issues, we went to a pediatrician. If his mom can't breathe, she needs to go to the hospital, or at least, urgent care.
You deserve better.
This woman is in her late 70s
This woman is in her late 70s, and even a UTI can be fatal. She got better from that but pneumonia? I can't be responsible for that with only a stethoscope and a phone. This sister is so dramatic, so who knows how sick she really is. SO just wants to use me again to make himself be the family good guy. If i treat her and she dies, guess who's the bad guy?
Exactly - and that's why I
Exactly - and that's why I say it's not right or ethical. It's time to set boundaries on them using you for free medical care. Even her own doctor from his/her office would likely suggest she go to the ED if she can't breathe, especially during a pandemic.
There is something you value about your SO, I get that - but better boundaries are in order.
You sound like the only sane
You sound like the only sane one in that family. You are giving and they take. Sounds like a great arrangement... for them
.
He lost any support I might
He lost any support I might have had for him when he showed up late, left early, and said he had to work on the day of your mom's funeral. If you are in a relationship with someone, you support them during hard times.
If his mom is ill, urgent care is where she should be. If his mom is ill, plans need to change. I think my plans would change to jammies, sitting on the couch drinking wine, watching Hallmark movies. I'd be too "sick" to attend. (Sick as in - sick of the shenanigans and backing away)
Spot on, notarelative. When
Spot on, notarelative. When my mother passed, my DH (then fiancé) was out of vacation days. He took a day without pay to be by my side. Rumple barely gets crumbs.
Instacare asap.
You don't need the added stress of long distance second guessing ahole Internet doctors.
Welp, it was a whole bunch of
Welp, it was a whole bunch of drama for nothing. I went to SO's house and he's cooking. He's on FaceTime with his mom, and both are laughing. She is completely fine. She said she was just a little hoarse after just waking up. SO even made a funny joke, "I'm making a cooking show for my dying mom! Hahahaha!" Nothing like a joke about a mother dying to lighten the mood.
Oh geez.
Sounds like my skids and ex skids. Chaos chaos, oh nvm everything is fine.
And the reason i came over
And the reason i came over was that i felt guilty about not helping his mom. I called in the prescription then showed up with my bag to go check her. Last fking time.
Sounds like this family
Sounds like this family thrives on drama.
My father used to not tell people on group trips that he was a doctor, since then everyone asked for medical advice lol. Inevitably, there would be a crisis and he'd be outed.
It's so appetizing to be
It's so appetizing to be discussing someone's bowel troubles or vaginal discharge over a nice dinner lol.
Lol. And he was always,
Lol. And he was always, always responsive to crisis situations, but he didn't want to advise everyone through the whole trip. I'm very sensitive about asking health professionals for advice because of this. It's not their job to provide my medical care outside of work.
Time he reined in his
Time he reined in his histrionic sister. All that fuss for nothing was NOT funny for everyone.
Let that be the last time they take advantage of you. Next time just send them to ER.
One of your comments above
One of your comments above spoke volumes to me...
SO just wants to use me again...
And stop right there.
Darlin', you are a lovely, generous, caring woman. You deserve sooooooo much better than the pitiful minimum he gives you.
You are not being irrational!
You are not being irrational. Nothing about this situation is rational. You are the only normal one in this whole mess. You deserve better. Don't compromise your ethics or risk your license for this guy and his family - none of them are worth it.