BM realizes she has no $$ to book flights.
Once again, BM never ceases to amaze me. I don't even know how our household is going to survive the impending drama that I'm sure is going to further unfold. I think I'm going to be staying at work as long as possible to avoid it.
BM informed DH late last week that she doesn't have the money to book flights for kids to go visit her over Christmas. She realizes this about a week and a half before they fly out...she was planning on a flight for next Tuesday, 12/20! Then has the AUDACITY to ask DH to pay for round trip tickets and she will pay him back (yeah right - see below). DH can't afford it so he said "no." BM embarks on her usual campaign of constant texts because she doesn't understand the word "no". Then of course, she transitions to having the kids campaign on her behalf - since she has passed along that wonderful trait of hers to them - they too don't understand the word "no". Of course, we are to blame. BM could get a paper cut and talk to the kids about it and all three of them would find a way to make it our fault. It's okay mom can't afford it, but if we can't afford it - they hate us.
I'm forcing myself to disengage, but its tough. I could nearly max out my credit card to help, but there is no way in flipping hell this time. I've learned my lesson. DH and I keep separate accounts (I'm the primary breadwinner in our home).
SS15 birthday was yesterday. He spent it on the phone with his mom while he and his sister (SD17) were busy looking online for their mom to try and get tickets. Then we learn that she is thinking of trying to get them on a greyhound bus instead. Half way across the country. It would take a day and a half to get there.
Then SS15 begins asking DH that's what he wants for Christmas and to give his Christmas $ to BM. I feel bad for the kid. DH explained that the round trip tickets are more than what we can afford (at this point over $1000 round trip), let alone more than what we are spending on Christmas gifts for them ($100-$150). SS gets pissy and tells DH that if he gets to his mom's that he is not coming back. I feel horrible for them, but this is not our responsibility.
Nevermind that we cannot book a return flight until we know they are going and THAT is already getting more expensive than it was due to having to wait.
BM posts on facebook that her "wonderful son even asked dad to make it his Christmas present, but the answer was of course no."
Apparently WE GROW A MONEY TREE in our backyard.
Let's recap the "fantastic-ness" of our situation:
1) BM chose to move half way across the country and lost custody.
2) We are already doing a favor by helping purchase return flights. She should be responsible for all transportation since she moved and created the distance. There is no visitation or transportation in their order (seriously. Part of the reason she lost custody is because she REFUSES to follow a court order).
3) Return flight last Christmas? They missed it. We had to pay an extra $800 to fly them home. Her response? "Oh well." No joke. Hasn't offered to help pay any of that back. It was MY credit card that bailed her out. We either paid it or the kids would be with her indefinitely (her words)...nevermind about that thing called SCHOOL and attending it.
4) Fairly recently, accused me of "abusing" SS15 (and tells him that I am abusing him) because I took his cell phone away FOR A DAY (DH gave it back after a day) when he refused to do his dishes that he promised to do before cooking for himself, and then I discovered that he had me listed as "the bitch" in his contacts.
5) BM is the rudest, most ungrateful, laziest person and blames us for all of her problems. She treats us like shit, talks to DH in a way that makes my blood BOIL, then turns around and expects us to bail her out?
6) Has been unemployed for approximately 5 years until recently. Pays $20/MONTH in child support to us. She was behind until fairly recently. She had coached the kids to not let us know that she was working again, but SS17 had let it slip recently. I cover their health insurance at a hefty penny. So apparently she is capable of WORKING.
All the while, I work full time, and a SECOND job part time to maintain our household. DH works 60 hours a week.
Am I in the twilight zone? What planet does this lady live on?? Am I missing something obvious here?
Great. Now we are going to have two even MORE SO unhappy, disrespectful kids in our home on Christmas. I feel bad for them. I'm willing to try and help to make it a somewhat nice Christmas for them since they can't be with their mom.
However - that won't work, because they will give us attitude and blame us the entire time while being disrespectful, tell us how much they hate us, and that this is our fault. They will spend the entire time facebooking, texting, and talking to mom about how terrible we are because SHE CAN'T PLAN ahead and take care of HER responsibilities.
I'm praying for a miracle that she will find someone in her life...some of the family she moved to be closer to will help her book the flight. She said she was moving to be closer to "family" she said, but it was really for yet another boyfriend who she has now broke up with...I'm guessing he was footing the bill for the previous two years for flights....or whomever has helped her in the past has also learned the same lesson that we have....that she takes advantage of people and their kindness.