Don't know what to do - flights
DH and I don't know what to do.
DH is custodial parent. Mom moved to WA (part of reason custody was changed).
There is NO visitation order or any order about how to handle transportation (judge left it out with his ruling).
Status quo has been they go to mom's for Xmas break. No problems there.
Mom pays for flight to her. DH pays for flight back home to us. (Even though there is no order).
Last year, mom requested kids get out of school day early. Kids have school issues and missing any day is rough. Sent all make up homework. They didn't do any of it. Mom demanded that kids fly back home to us on Sunday night so there wasn't really any time to make up homework.
Also, they test the day before they get out at their school, so that was a huge headache.
This year looking at flights. In order to fly them back on Sunday the day they go back to school at the time mom wants, it's $365 per ticket (2 kids). We can't afford that.
We can fly them on Saturday leaving mom's at noon, for $225 but mom has already said she won't agree to them leaving that early.
Mom gets much cheaper flights as they can fly to her on a weekday ($181).
Mom will make an issue again of getting them out a day early again so she can have more time and even cheaper flight, but already know she won't have them do any of the makeup work or any of there regular homework over break.
As in my last posts...mom has no income. Pays no child support. We cover everything.
What would you do? Go ahead and just book the Saturday cheaper flight against mom's wishes?
Or suck it up and pay nearly $750 you can't really afford to appease mom's wishes?
Uggh....hate this flight crap, such a headache.
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Comments
Tell the BM that you can book
Tell the BM that you can book the flight for Sunday but she needs to pay the extra money that you would save if they flew Saturday - we have the same problem with our BM - except we just spilt the cost in half - she makes us drive 3 1/2 hours to go and get SS when there is an airport 20 minutes away - it is a control issue - so find out the difference and tell her either she pays it or you will be booking on Saturday and if she does not put them on the plane you will be calling the local cops.
Also wanted to add if she
Also wanted to add if she does not pay CS why is she not paying half of all flights it is the least she could do to help out!
If there is no specific
If there is no specific order, pay for the tickets you can afford and what works best for the kids schoolwork/tests/etc. or tell her she can pay for the full roundtrip if she does not agree with what you can provide. If BM can not be trusted to get the work done, then they should not be taken out of school a day early to fly.
If she pitches a hissy..tell her "Fool me once...shame on you. Fool me twice...shame on me" and stand your (or DH's) ground.
All the suggestions make
All the suggestions make complete sense, thank you so much. At the same time, we are not dealing with a rational human being...which I'm sure you all know too well.
There was a suggestion we hadn't thought about...that if she takes such an issue with them flying out on Saturday at 12:27 (which she already said once she won't agree to), then she'll have to pay the different for the Sunday flight. She won't though.
Why does this woman still scare me when she disagrees?
I think that DH should just book the Sat flight and she will have to deal with it. In addition, not agreeing to flying them out early (because he booked a flight a day earlier than she wanted). We know that we'll gather all the make up info, put everything together and send it and she won't have them do anything...since she has now self proclaimed herself to be the "fun parent" (facebook).
We'll see how it goes, but I'm certain it won't go well at all.
She doesn't get the part about how she's not providing for the kids in ANY way...she doesn't give a crap. We are still the bad guys, no matter what.
I personally would feel guilty knowing that if I'm not providing for my kids at all that I would not be such a PITA, such as in this case...by not having the other parent who is providing for everything pay $365 a ticket for a move SHE created in the first place.
It would be cheaper to fly them even earlier on Saturday at 9AM ($161), but DH is willing to pay $225 to fly them out at 12:27 so it's not as early. Will she get that? Heck no.
Grrr...
DH sent her an email early this AM about the cost of flights...the differences in times/prices. We'll see how she responds...always hope that by some small chance she be reasonable, but it has yet to ever happen.
Um, I would book whatever
Um, I would book whatever flight you want to. You are custodial and paying for it. Why is she allowed to pull the kids out of school for her flight? Does she have the right to do that? I certainly wouldn't agree to that if they are testing and not capable of making up missed assignments. Too bad BM, school is first!
BTW - what's up with BM's having no regard for school? Our BM always tries to pull skids out to go on trips because it is more convenient for her. What the heck?! Isn't that the most rule to follow - "when school is in session children should be present" ??!!
Also - I don't know how your skids school works but many schools won't allow make up work unless absent due to illness which requires a doctors note. Just a thought.
You gals are making me feel
You gals are making me feel better and a little less scared.
I would love to take her back to get the court order specified, but there's no way now that we really could (cost)...it took everything for the custody trial last year and now managing everything with kids on our own. Attorney was even shocked the judge didn't specify anything in regards to visitation or transportation....he thought it was likely due to her instability that no one knew what she would be doing (where she was moving, etc)....also DH had modified previous parenting plan to have a very detailed plan and judge wrote in the order that part of the change in custody was due to her inability to follow even the most detailed court order. Now, we would have to pay more to get it modified. She qualified for legal aid so the custody trial didn't cost her a dime. A few years before that DH petitioned for a modification (and won everything he wanted), paid $4000 for that. She did have to hire an attorney for that. She still hasn't paid a dime for it, but does have a judgment against her for it.
Her lack of concern over school is another major factor why she does not have custody any longer.
If she throws a stink, I'll suggest that DH follow the advice to remind her that he doesn't have to pay for a flight at all. But we do need the kids to get back here...it wouldn't surprise me if she tried threatening just not sending them back and if she followed through, it would cost us more to resolve it and also the kids would be missing school. So I guess that's why we still pay for the return flight, it gives us some assurance that they will be back.
I don't know how she survives with no income. She was living off student loans to go to online school. Pretty sure she is not going any more. She claims disability (fibro, now rsd). She's living with her boyfriend who I think must be footing the bill or she's on welfare. She's also still married to her husband she up and left in IA. I have no clue how she is doing it. We and our attorney knew all along that the move from IA to her homestate of WA was about a boyfriend (there is a long history of it), but she testified and swore up and down it was for family. No one knew anything about a boyfriend during the custody trial (we tried, couldn't find any proof, just had a suspicion).
The day after she found out she lost custody? She moved AWAY from her family and in with the boyfriend. Thank God she doesn't have the kids anymore, because I'm sure that's what she intended to do all along but during the trial said they were going to "live in an RV on a family members property until they got back on their feet." Yeah right.
I'm going to pass along to DH and suggest he stand his ground on the school thing (getting out early).
If she won't pay the
If she won't pay the difference and you don't think she will put the kids on the Saturday flight then cancel the trip and have DH tell her that he is taking her to court to pay for CS (the whole CS situation burns my ass because DH agreed for the first year of our marriage that BM did not have to pay CS and we had SS full time (700 miles apart) when I got pregnant I told DH that I would not put my income towards paying for SS if his own damn mother could not be bothered to - she had enough to make car payments for a $40,000 car but could not help us at all with CS) - It is not fair that you two have to provide all the day to day living expenses and she can't even buy the tickets but that is where your DH needs to step it up!