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Done. They need to leave or I am.

tigerlily's picture

After the constant drama with SS15 and SD almost 18 on Friday, two weeks ago DH decided to finally give the kids what they want. To go back to their mom's. We've all had enough. It could very well be our fault they hate it here so much. They are all right, we are to blame for everything and everyone's problems.

But I know it didn't start this way. It's hard to believe it has come to this after so long. Only 3 years ago we were fighting a custody battle "in their best interest" and DH surprisingly WON. I have given so much to these kids and all I get in return is hate. And these days it is justified because I don't like them at all anymore. They are brats.

We never had a chance. Their mom ENJOYS that they hate us. It's what she wants. The kids and their MOM blame us for all of their problems. SD18 probably won't graduate. It's OUR fault she doesn't do her homework. She does NOTHING. Apparently if you don't provide a kid with enough "emotional support" they don't have to do their homework. This is what BM tells DH. Of course, it is no concern that SD goes out with her friends instead of doing homework, sits on facebook and texts all the time, but doesn't do her homework. We tried blocking some of those things in order to get her to do her homework, but BM said it was abuse to take away computer time and cell phone in order to do homework. She's flipping nuts.

I came home yesterday evening SD18 was downstairs in her room, the TV was on, computer was left on, lights left on, dishes left in the living room. I rarely talk to SD at all anymore. But I did this time. I texted if she was home. She said she was sleepling. I said "okay, how about you turn off the tv, computer, and take care of your dishes before you nap?" In response? She posts on her facebook that she can't wait to leave me behind. Her mom thought it was funny! I guess asking a near ADULT to pick up after themselves in unheard of in SD and BM fantasy land. I know I'm soooooo horrible.

SD18 regularly reports every.single.thing. we do in our home to BM. And it's often twisted and not the whole truth. So yeah, I'm bitter. They do need to go.

SS15 and DH were "having a conversation" last evening which led to SS15 screaming at DH which is all the kid ever does anymore. He knows everything. Doesn't do his homework at. all. anymore. And he's pissed because we won't give him his xbox back (christmas gift). He just thinks he should get it back without having to do anything. In his mind, he is moving in a couple weeks so why bother?

He was mad because DH won't let him go "stay over at a friends house" on Friday. Because we know how to get into his facebook and know this about SS attending a party and saying he is going to do ecstasy and get "shit faced" his words. So SS15 throws a screaming fit while DH tried to get him to stop yelling. Oh yeah...SS15 is ON PROBRATION for the next two months. And DH just caught him with a lighter in his pocket which is AGAINST his probation. I was locked in our bedroom (which I'm really sick and tired of having to do in my own damn home)...I finally walked out and had enough. I told SS15 to go to his room, that kind of yelling is not allowed, and he will not be getting his xbox at all for that kind of behavior. He will not get it. ever. I will donate it to a deserving kid that actually does something (any takers?).

He went to his room for the evening. Meanwhile, miss house monitor for BM is in the kitchen loving the conversation to tell her mother. I finally stood up for the bullshit they pull and I said...what you are just standing here to listen to their conversation so you can go tell your mommy? Not the best thing to do. But I have so had enough with this crap. Their mother has no CLUE what they are up to. SS15 is already facebooking people where mom lives to buy tobacco, that he's going to have parties at his mom's and she will join them (and she probably will!).

As a result of that comment, SD18 posts on facebook: "Bitch, really? My momma knows it sucks here. Bitch, really why do you think she want us out. why do you think we want out?"

Their mom thought this was funny! Many of her family and boyfriend clicked 'like'! While their mommy only pays $20 a month in child support. I provide their health and dental insurance. We do everything. She has done nothing the last 3 years.

I was so livid. I went right down to SD and told her I want her out asap and walked out. She turns 18 on Friday, invited 10 people for a sleepover BEFORE she even asked DH. It's not going happen. Not in my house. She can find alternative plans for her 18th birthday if she hates it here so much. I thought about leaving for that evening. But no, this is my house and I'm sick of their crap! She posts this crap from the CELL phone WE freaking provide!

I am so angry. I just want them to leave. They are the most ungrateful kids I have ever met. We never had a chance. Their mom is more consumed with enjoying how much they hate us than she is about her kids own behavior. She actually posted after the above episodes that "faith and patience have finally paid off and that her life is so blessed"...this is in reference to them hating us and how much they want to move in with the mom who had custody taken AWAY from her for good reason.

I'm seriously considering leaving until they are gone. I seriously can't handle this crap anymore. They are going to have these same problems at their mom's, but they all seem to think that they will magically do their home and graduate, yep, it will be all rainbows and fairy tales, skipping along hand in hand. SD18 one goal in adulthood right now? Is to move in with her mom. Not to graduate, not to start a life on her own, not to go to college, but only to move in with mom and start waitressing at the restaurant mommy works at. And mom loves that idea. Good luck.

Comments

aggravated1's picture

Why does she still have a phone? It would be cut off. And I would spend this week packing her shit, and when her birthday comes, send her to her mom's. What does your DH say about all of this?

Ommy's picture

school is almost over. She wont have a chance in hell of graduating. Also I would cancel the phone there is nothing stating parents have to provide a cell phone for a childs use.

tigerlily's picture

DH is seriously ready for them to go. They are just so mean all the time. They all gang up on him and blame him (and me) for everything. He is telling her tonight that she has to make different plans for her birthday because she will not be having a sleep over at our house due to what she put on facebook. SD doesn't know we look at her facebook page and all the crap she and her mom writes, but he wants to let her finally know about it.

We already shut SS15 phone off and BM flipped. I want to with SD18 right now, DH said he thought about it...but he never stands up like he should with stuff live this (problem number 5 million in our household lol). She's posting it from her cell phone that we provide (not a smart phone).

I was (and still am) seriously starting to question myself whether I was over-reacting. But this kind of disrespect happens all.the.time. towards both DH and I from all of them. I was up almost all night with this. My mom wants us to tell SD18 to move out as well, she can go stay at a friends house and/or have her mom (half way across the country) figure something out. I'm not sure why I can't bring myself to that.

Ommy's picture

then dont "shut them off" just call and cancel texting/data. they will only be able to call }:)

Anon2009's picture

I agree with houtx and once she moves in with BM, if BM thinks she should have those things, she can pay for them herself. At this point, SD will only change if she wants to. Maybe a few months of living with BM will make her feel differently about you.

Same with SS in that maybe he'll form a different opinion after living with BM. Heck, maybe BM will change her mind too! Maybe she'll start to see that her kids need help and parenting.

tigerlily's picture

Also, we are refusing to pay for the plane tickets to send them back. BM still owes us $800 (never will pay back) for the flights she had them miss last year (and laughed about it on facebook).

I've so had enough that I have contemplated purchasing the plane tickets myself just to get it over with and done sooner, because as of now, BM won't be booking flights for at least the 1st or 2nd week of April because she has no money and needs to get the cheapest flight available.

It might be the best money I ever spent.

skylarksms's picture

^^THIS^^ - if their loser BM won't pay for her precious crotch droppings to come out there, they have lost their privileges for YOU guys to make their lives easier.

Jsmom's picture

Spend the money on the tickets and pack their clothes and ship them. Do not let them leave with anything of value. Sell that and the XBOX to get the money back for the plane ticket. A friend did that with her SD and shipped her off to the BM and they have not heard from her at all. They have a grandchild they have never seen. DH let SD15 leave with her school backpack and that is it. We have thrown away or given away most of her stuff. She has two boxes in the attic and that is it...

You do not owe these kids a thing, but for your sanity, buy the ticket.

twopines's picture

If it were me, I'd pay for the plane tickets so they can leave. No need to prolong the agony.

tigerlily's picture

We are waiting for BM to book the flights (and pay for them). SS15 has to finish his community service hours which will be done next Monday. He is supposed to be able to finish his probation out of state (with mom) once he has the classes and community service finished. DH will get the official word today as they have the first face to face meeting with the probation officer today.

DH suggested mom flies SD out asap as there is nothing keeping her here, but she wants DH to pay for it (like always) and he refused. So I think BM is waiting to flight them both out at the same time and waiting for final word about probation.

DH called a few minutes ago and said he is going to tell her on Friday she's off our phone plan. I said are you sure that's the road you want to go down and deal with what will happen? He said yes, and that he's been telling her all along that once she turns 18 she's responsible for her own cell phone. It is NOT. going. to go. over well. I'm tired of the drama. There will be kicking and screaming and yelling, mommy calling to yell about it, etc. He said he was going to tell BM to pay for it (some of the same things some of you suggested).

I think I'm going to stay away from our home this evening. Seriously.

alwaysanxious's picture

If it were me, I'd give DH the money to get her out and I'd make it clear once I do, she isn't coming back.

skylarksms's picture

I'd pay for the 15 year old to go to his mother's.

The 18 year old? OUT of the house for her 18th b-day. HAPPY B-DAY BITCH. Welcome to adulthood. HOPE YOU LIKE YOUR PRESENT.

Oh, and I'd be all OVER my DH's ass to make all of the above AND MORE happen! No more spineless wonder. No more letting BM dictate how you are going to run YOUR household.

tigerlily's picture

DH and have had the heart to heart about letting them go and if there is a chance they will improve there, they need to go, because we/they are doing no good here. He agrees.

I'm going to give it a day or two to decide about whether I (not DH because it will have to come from me) will pay for the tickets. Once we get word today, we'll see if she books. She has told the kids she plans on booking for April 1st (they've told us that)...but I don't think she knows they are no longer at the price she originally saw. If nothing is booked within the next few days, I think I'm going to go ahead and take all of your advice and just get them myself.

skylarksms's picture

Either way, I'd put the Xbox on Craigslist. At least recoup SOME of your financial investment.

Anon2009's picture

I'd buy SD the tickets for her 18th birthday present and give them to her (or the receipt to show her you bought them) on her 18th birthday.

Auteur's picture

OMG You sound like you are writing a page right out of the Behemoth and stbxSD VD 13 book!!!!!!

VD is failing school. Simply not bothering to do homework/classwork. And the Behemoth blames it all on GG. Meanwhile she is busy trying to be her kids FRIEND and not a parent. She lets VD get away with murder; going to her friends, getting a fancy iphone, getting to play sports with grades in the TWENTIES and THIRTIES!!

I am so glad I"m exiting. These men think that once the custody battle has been won, the game is over. They seldom take into consideration the YEARS of brainwashing and mind poisoning on the part of the BM!!

Sad thing is the moment they land on BM's turf the BM will run down to the courts to get the CS ball rolling.

tigerlily's picture

Auteur - apparently all they need is "mommy" and then they will start doing homework. They seem to have forgotten, as well as their mom, that she LOST CUSTODY partly due to the fact she couldn't get SS to school and took him out of school while he missed half of 6th grade. The both missed so many days of school, it was apalling. They weren't doing homework with mom either...the difference is she didn't care or do anything about it. She also wants to only be their FRIEND but it has amped up the last 3 years because she is also the partner in crime, twisting things, and helping to encourage them to hate us and agreeing with how horrible we all are...for her own selfish reasons. She could care less about how her kids do in school. She just wants them back and to have them hate us. The facebook stuff is quite shocking and sicking how much she actually is enjoying it.

Auteur's picture

Funny thing is that GG's skids HAVE mommykins 24/7. Mommykins couldn't be bothered to even glance at their work. After all, mommykins tells them all that they just have to smile with their ginger freckles and that will open doors in life! :sick:

You can bet that they will do HORRIBLY at the BMs (don't tell DH that).

Here's the pattern:

1. Skids seek out house with least amount of rules (usually the BMs)
2. BM (BFF) soon sees that they are out of control/getting in trouble at school and starts making rules.
3. See #1 this time landing at biodad's
4. Skids try to "divide and conquer" as programmed by the BMothership
5. See #1
6. Skids getting older now and BM (BFF) sees they are out of control/getttin in trouble with the LAW and starts making rules
7. See #3

And on and on ad infinitum. Eventually they become wards of the state

alwaysanxious's picture

1. Shut off cell phone, cancel insurance. DH if you want your children to have coverage you will need to provide it.
2. Do not leave!!! I cannot stress this enough. this is your house!!
3. Tell her no one will be coming to your home that she invites. Give her fair warning that if anyone shows they will be asked to leave. If they do not, the police will be called for trespassing.
4. 'Like' her status on facebook about her moving out of your house.

paul_in_utah's picture

The day that my SD17 moved out of my house was truly one of the greatest days of my life. When your ungrateful skids leave, it will be the same for you. I am in the process of healing, and things are already much better. I think that you'll be surprised how quickly things start to pick up once they are gone.

Rags's picture

Cut off the cell phone, confiscate all Skid electronics in your home and dump them off at a charity drive.

Tell them that they can either abide by the rules of the home or go live with BM. As soon as they leave stard sending the CSE office $20/mo in CS so taht you can prove that you are doing what BM did. Send BM a notice informing her that she will not be responsible for health insurance for the spawn.

When SD turns 18 cut the $20/mo back to $10/mo.

DH needs to backhand both of his kids across the lips any time they scream at him, post crap on FB or are disrespectful to you.

There is nothing like corporal punishment to address this kind of snarky kid bullshit.

There is a reason why kids in history made damned sure that they never forced a trip to teh woodshed with their behavior or forced the use of the phrase "wait until you father gets home".

When we were kids if we got swats at school it was 10x worse when we got home. If mom had to pull out the paddle to take care of things you ran a significant risk of your bare butt cheeks meeting dad's belt when he got home from work.

My little brother nor I ever once got in mom or dad's face. If we had, death would have been the least of our worries. I am 48 and even now I would never be disrespectful to my parents.

I have zero tolerance for this kind of crap.

whatwasithinkin's picture

DH needs a reality check, maybe it is time to pull the ...they go or I go card, even if its just to the local hotel until their outtie. By the time you pay the hotel bill for two weeks your DH could have paid for the tickets. I have a BM who always has to "come up with the money" for tickets, and as long as she knows your being tortured, and gets off on it, the longer it will take her to "come up with the money"