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Trying to find info on "spouse status" for children

onthefence2's picture

I know we all know what it means to give a child spouse status, but are there articles on it somewhere? All the stupid tax articles get in the way when I do a search. Please post any you might have on hand! Thanks!

thinkthrice's picture

A.S.S. as I call it or "Adult Spousal Status" Also google mini-wife syndrome, emotional incest. You can also google "Golden Uterus Syndrome" The BM in my case fits every one of those criteria!

asnoraford's picture

I haven't found any so far, but I'll keep looking for you. Are you trying to share with DH?

onthefence2's picture

Well, as I'm working, I'm trying to figure out if my problem is that my bf has given his son spouse status, OR if it's just that he never wants to grow up and continue living in a "frat house" with his "bro." I need to address the problem, but I'm not sure exactly what it is. I'm sure whatever it is stems from guilty Daddy, (doesn't it all?)

I've been the first girlfriend since he had his son 13 years ago. He split with mom when his son was a baby. He says he loves me, and there are times that he shows it, but it's like it's too much work to love me full time or something, but always has love, energy, time, money, etc. for his son, who gets to call the shots, even when it's something that involves me. I've tried to give him time to get used to having me in his life, but time only seems to make it worse. Ironically, he sought out a relationship because his son is older and hanging out w/ friends, etc. instead of Dad. But now it's like he only wants someone when his son isn't around, even though he says he loves me and wants to marry me, etc.

We don't live together, but I've talked to him about moving in the direction of our lives merging together rather than two separate roads, and he agrees. Then does nothing to change that. Any advice is appreciated.

hereiam's picture

When a parent gives their kid the same status in their life as a spouse and treats them like a partner instead of an offspring.

onthefence2's picture

I was married to a psychopath, so my bf seemed SOOOOOO normal and perfect LOL. I know he isn't, and I've always thought that it would just take some time for him to get used to being in a relationship, but after reading today, I have figured out a lot. The reason he hasn't had a girlfriend until now is because he is enmeshed with his son. He is also still enmeshed with his mom, which has been another issue, especially since his dad passed away a few months ago. He has no friends except for one that he's known since high school. His son has been everything to him. He is so enmeshed that he is not allowing anyone else in, including me. I will be talking to him Friday. I think he knows I'm done if things don't change. Unfortunately, if he doesn't want to hear what I think is causing all this, he won't be able to make the changes I need and I will be done for good.