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suggestions advice greatly needed.

Jessiemarie78's picture

hello all! I am new to this forum and am very desperate for a change... i feel like i am suffocating and insignificant and blamed for everything...and bm things i am hyper sensitive and refuses to allow me to do any parenting unless its lite fun play time things....so if a chore does get done she has to ask ss to do it (he is 10) if it doesnt get done i have to do it. if its not done correctly i am to do this egg shell dance. an observation, wait to see if he does it, which he usually just ignores. and then suggest it needs to get done i;ll help you(...wait...he usually ignores me...i am to not directly ask him to do anything. she wants me to say something after this though and this morning i said what do you think about that and apparently was wrong cuz she got mad and said i did it wrong and he just didnt think he should have to do it or needed to...so i re did the chore. this happens over hows your day? this happens with would like some milk? what veggie would like with dinner? can you help me please? (which i am not to ask him to do anything so not even sure i am allowed to ask him for help)......this is just a sliver of the insanity i live in.

he hates that bm is gay. he hates that i live here. he hates i am more available than bd. and he hates that he is a child not an adult....and mom fluffs this reality for him by correcting me if i say kiddo...or making it so he never has to be told what to do by anyone but her.

help? what can i do right?

Jsmom's picture

Stop parenting the kid and being involved in any way. No matter what you do it will be questioned. It sounds like there are no boundaries for BM if I am reading this correctly. You will go insane trying to do what she wants. Step back and disengage.

hornet64's picture

I feel your frustrations. My DH gave me some advice when we got married and that was to treat the skids as if they were my own. SOOOOOOOOOO, I did... then he got MAD at me for parenting them. The fact is that he wants me to parent HIS way and not the way that I believe is correct. I cannot do this... His SD is so disrespectful to him and me. The difference is that she is HIS daughter and he loves her unconditionally no matter how she acts, so he can deal with her telling him "no!" On the other hand, she tells me no and disrespects me and I refuse to deal with it. So, I just let it go. I don't even try to parent her anymore. I can't do it "right" according to him anyway. When she comes over, I go my way and she goes hers.