You are here

Step Demon+coronavirus+no school=living hell

frustratedSM96's picture

I hate to complain when there are others worse off but Holy hell I think I’m going to lose my shit. Let me explain...

Step Demon like a lot of kids has no school for the next week due to the coronavirus. DH does NOT know this yet and I’m not telling him as I Don’t want him to get SS. I know as I’ve been watching the school website like a hawk hoping it would not come to this. Why do I care you ask? One I know BM and she WILL NOT want to stay home with the little bastard so she will want to dump him on us. Both DH and I have to work but I know DH will Immediately Rearranged he work schedule to accommodate Bio hag and get step demon for the next week. Of course it will include overnights too as BM will not want step brat to have to get up early to come over. Again you may say why do I care. Well let me tell you...

I’m a nurse and work long hours and under a ton of stress due to this virus. The last thing I need is having spoiled, screaming, LOUD, rude step brat for a full week. I know step brat and he will view this as vacation time with daddy. He will want to stay up with daddy till 10 or 11pm laughing/loud/screaming and I’ll be trying to sleep. I can also forget ANY one on one with DH as SS12 will demand daddy’s attention the whole time he’s over as again he will view this as vacation time with daddy. Now add DH will be at best stressed as he will be spending the days fighting with SS trying to get him to do the assigned school work.

Not to mention who’s to say after a week SS12 school will reopen. 

What if anything can I do?? I’m sure BM will be calling DH Tomorrow to demand he take SS

 

 

zea.momie's picture

You are a nurse,  on the front lines.   The chances of you coming into contact with the virus is increased.   You couldn't possibly want to risk unintentionally infecting the little darling.   It's in his best interest to stay away during the run of this pandemic.   Your DH should understand how this is the worst possible time to have his son over at all.  With the voluntary social isolation going on and your job,  how could he possibly risk the health and well being of his child. 

frustratedSM96's picture

BUT this shit show family I’m involved with are not normal. BM for one cant handle the brat and will know she will not be able to get him to do the school work. The ONLY reason she wants custody is $$$$. As soon as SS turns of age and child support stops he will be out of her house. DH had the flu this winter which BM knew and still wanted DH to take SS on his parenting time. DH is so desperate for extra time with SS he will not care. The benefit out weighs the risk in his mind. Honestly the ONLY way SS MAYBE would not come over is if I actually got the virus and even that is iffy.

Kes's picture

I feel you.  Things are bad enough without a SKID in your house making your down time stressful as well.   DH could say no to the demand.  But it doesn't sound like he wants to, actually. :-( 

SteppedOut's picture

OP absolutely should get a say. In most normal marriages, both people discuss who is coming, for how long etc.

But most step families are not like this. The non-parent in the union sometimes is not asked at all, TOLD what is happening and maybe even an "isn't that great I get extra time!", or if it is "discussed" the parent uses manipulation tactics to ensure the non parent agrees - "you hate my kid", etc. 

 

tog redux's picture

Yeah, that would be a deal breaker for me. DH would not invite SS over for extra time without talking to me first. So OP should not  think of this as something she just has to tolerate. 

SteppedOut's picture

Oh, I agree. I will not tolerate being less than equal in my own home either. I just know from my own experience and reading similar experience. 

NarcissisticSkids's picture

Oh, you are so right on! Exactally what goes on, even in the case of grand skid. Yesterday for example,  I was not told or consulted-----heard a conversation between DH and 40something SS (DH had him on speaker phone)....."oh, no...daycare cancelled for grand skid? No problem, let's work this out as a family.......what are your schedules like? You must be sooooo busy, grand skid can come over here this week!!! What about next week too...we will need to look at that.....look at your schedules, and let me know.....I am in the background thinking, What the hell about MY schedule?? I work too!!! I thought WE were family!!! When said call is over, I say.. " what about my schedule? Why am I never consulted? DH replies: why do you hate my son and grandskid??? So sick of this $hit...it never ends

 

Rags's picture

"At any point in this conversation did the words I hate your son and grandchild pass my lips?  No, they did not.  Do not gaslight me or put words in my mouth. Listen to exactly what I say because what I say is exactly what is in my mind.   Keep this crap up and it will be you that goes on my hate list."

Swim_Mom's picture

Ok I love my kids but I'm going to go nuts all of us stuck in the house with the 3 kids ages 15-20 (especially the 18 year old) for however long this lasts. 

SS may not enter our house, no way, no how. DH takes him out to dinner or movie - he doesn't come here, but if restaurants and movie theatres start closing, I guess he just will not be seeing SS at all for awhile.

Rags's picture

Too bad this virus won't only infect and eliminate idiots.

I think that as a high risk health worker that you should inform DH that SS will have to quaranteen at BM's as it is not safe for SS to be in your home as you fight to overcome the Corona Pandemic.

After all... its the only responsible thing to do as a loving and caring SParent who is a healthcare professional.

Wink

Goodluck's picture

What can you do?

Say no.

The coronavirus is sure bringing out all the custoidal moms who NOW want non custodials to have more time----a lot more time.

 

Their true colors are showing---

 

 

Rags's picture

Oh yes And NCPs should be putting their boot up the CP's ass and informing them that the NCP pays the CP to care for the kids as the CP and will not allow the CP to dump the Skids without prior agreement.

Of course a parent should care for their child. But... that is what the CP was ordered to do by the courts and that is what the NCP was ordered to compensate the CP to do.  NCPs should demand that they get their money's worth out of the CP.

Just my thoughts of course.

frustratedSM96's picture

DH Suffers from daddy guilt BAD. It does not help either that both BM and step Demon know Exactly what to say to bring out the guilt full blown. 

As of right now DH still does NOT know school is cancelled the full week but will tomorrow when SS comes over for his visit or gets a email from BM demanding DH watch SS. I toyed with the idea of telling DH just to find out his reaction but decided against it. DH still has to work and the less notice DH gets the less likely he will be able to take time off to watch the brat. 

DH has NEVER asked me if it was ok to get SS extra time. He Usually will say either SS or BM asked him BUT it’s more telling me he’s going to do it. If I complain I get the “how dare you Deny me extra time with my son” Argument then the pissed off Silent treatment. In the end the brat always comes over. 

Rags's picture

Since you know that your DH will not reasonably discuss and act reasonably... time to dictate.  "NO!  It has nothing to do with denying you extra time with your son. It has to do with you not putting our time together as a priority. And it is about BM not doing as you pay CS for her to do. We are not her beck and call day care service."

So, NO! No SKid can come over for other than the clearly COd visitation time without your prior express approval.

PERIOD!

Spineless gaslighting crap like your DH pulls makes we wanna puke.

Bad

tankh21's picture

I had the same issue DH and I got into a argument of course because he has the skids for spring break. I knew it was coming because DH tried to say that he was keeping the skids. I told him like hell you are! I told him to go ahead and keep them another week and that I will be heading to stay with my family. I am done with OSS's squawking birds and him making a mess in my kitchen. So he is dropping the brats off at BM's today thank god. I feel for everyone to had to deal with brats another week.