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SS won't make calls to BM

newmommy05's picture

SS14 started living with us this summer. BM has insisted that he call her wednesdays, fine no problem. She has told him that and we have told him to call her then. SS has a phone that he calls and texts BM on. 

SS got into trouble and had his internet privileges taken away. And he uses wifi to make calls. I told him he can have the wifi password back to make the calls on Wednesdays. SS is refusing the wifi password and says he doesnt want it until he has full phone privileges back. He will not call BM. BM is furious at us saying we are blocking him from calling. But we told her that we told SS to call her and he is refusing. What should we do? I feel like SS is doing this as an attention grabbing stunt with his self imposed restrictions. If he has a phone and at that age, shouldn't a teen be able to manage a dialogue between themselves and each parent?

Survivingstephell's picture

Your house, your rules.  He is 14 and at the age where they start weaning themselves off constant contact with mommy.  She needs to get over it and work on her relationship with SS on her own and stop asking Dad to enforce a realtionship.  

Sounds like SS is using this opportunity to manipulate to get back his priviledges.  Don't fall for it.  He can send his mom a post card saying he's fine.  I bet she didin't expect to lose contact with him when she let him go.  Boo hoo BM.  Your son is growning up .  

IF you give in to him now, he will only get worse and you have 4 more years to get thru before you can set him free.  

ndc's picture

Is there a reason why his mother can't call him?  Does his phone not have cellular service?

hereiam's picture

He is just trying to manipulate you into giving back his internet privileges. He knows BM is giving you hell about it and hopes that that will persuade you to give in.

justmakingthebest's picture

Your house your rule. He can use the phone to make calls- it doesn't need to be a wifi or facetime call. If BM has a problem, tell her to call him instead of waiting for him to call her. Don't fall for this crap. He is manipulating everyone.

newmommy05's picture

He doesnt have voice or data. He uses wifi and has an app that can call and send texts. DH got so fed up with Bm texting him for SS to call her that DH used his phone to dial BM's number and handed the phone to SS. They talked for a bit. Later SS told us his mom asked if we were abusing him and bullying him and how it's not right that we took away his phone privileges. 

lieutenant_dad's picture

"Fine, you'll call BM on my phone. You will not use your punishment as a way to avoid your mother or cause issues in this house. If you want to keep playing stupid games, we'll continue to give you stupid prizes."

Tell him that you know what his game is and then don't play it. He thinks he is smart, but will sulk back when he realizes that he hasn't won.

Now, BM asking if he is being bullied or abused? He could decide to tell her he is because he is being punished. I'd let him know that if he TRULY thinks he is being abused that you'll gladly send him back to his mother (provided that it an option). Or dial 9-1-1 and let him call himself. Let the cops chew his arse out for wasting their time. And if BM wants to make wild claims, I'd tell her that she knows how 9-1-1 works and she's more than welcome to call for a welfare check.

Show no fear at their tactics and it'll die down, or SS will go live with Mommy Dearest again.