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UPDATE: Little warning signs (YES THEY WERE)

helena_brass's picture

Sorry I didn't get to respond to any of the comments on the last blog. Yesterday was a complete crap tornado (car overheating and smoking - there goes $1000 in repairs uggggh).

Anyway, when I got home from my own lovely ordeal, BF was in a foul mood. Apparently BM had been calling him all day when he was at work. I knew those phone calls from her were atypical, meaning something more was to come. Well, she wants $800 MORE per month (she already gets $1500/month). She claims that this is to cover child care costs because now she is attending some classes. Their divorce agreement does state that they will split the childcare costs. However, BM does not pay her childcare provider in cash. The babysitter is one of BM's friends. BM is a hairdresser, so in exchange for babysitting BM gives her friend free haircuts/manicures/pedicures/you name it. It's barter, which is fine, but she is not paying her money. In this case I'm not sure what the law says, but I can't believe that BF would owe her an extra $400 per month per child (which must be an arbitrary figure because she's NOT paying for it anyway!!). She would likely use the money for said classes, as she makes too little to support that herself. As it is, either her mother or her boyfriend or both are certainly supplementing her income, because there is no way she could support herself or her half of what the kids need.

BF was FUMING last night. He hadn't called her back all day. I had to calm him down significantly, and I advised him not to call her back but to text or email so that there was documentation. He took my advice and texted her, telling her that if she wanted more then they should go back to court or to the mediator.

Now, her biggest argument (and this is legitimate, BF screwed himself here) is that one of her classes is on Wednesday nights. The custody order is that BF has the kids every other weekend AND Wednesdays, from after school until dinnertime. Now when they did this order BF was still in the military and could get the kids on Wednesdays. However, with his new job it's just not feasible to pick them up for a few hours in the middle of the week, so he has not been taking them on Wednesdays. Now, he should have gone for a mod at that point. He did not/has not. Now BM is saying that he isn't taking them on the nights he should have them and it's interfering with her classes. Which is partly true. However, BM's classes run until 10:00pm, which is in fact after "dinnertime." This is just a mess.

Anyway, BF is worried about going to court because BM has a lawyer (paid for by her mom or boyfriend), and BF cannot afford one. I'm not sure what to do or what to advise him to do.

Comments

Totalybogus's picture

She won't get that much in additional child care costs, especially if there is no proof of money actually changing hands. Also, visitation is for the non-custodial parent to take (or not). The court awards time so that custodial parent cannot keep the kids from the NC Parent.

I would ignore her and not even respond. Don't get all caught up in her drama. Until she actually does something I wouldn't worry about it.

helena_brass's picture

I prefer emails as well, but I think BM only has internet access at her boyfriend's house. I know that she doesn't have a computer at her house.

As far as evidence, I agree that she doesn't have any, but what if she writes receipts and her friend signs them saying that she was paid X amount for her services? I don't know if there's any way to prove such receipts as illegitimate.

NewStepMother's picture

Just another calculation...

I get 1300/month in child support. Thats for full time child care based on his salary and also at the time of the order, I was paying 175/week for full time care. My daughter is now 4, and I pay 255/week. That's care from 6am-6pm monday-friday. I reached out to my x and he agreed to pay me an extra 150/month until the end of this year. Once she starts kindergarten, i wont need the 150 anymore.

It seems like he is paying enough. Document everything, especially though email.

i woudlnt keep communicating back and forth either.. seems that she is a bit frustrated. If she goes to court for a child support modification.. then deal with it then. But try not to stress out.

helena_brass's picture

Thank you. I can't imagine that the money is for full-time child care. She's a stay at home mom. She does do some under-the-counter work babysitting and hairdressing, but she works from home in those cases. The only time she has the kids with the babysitter is when she is with her boyfriend or (now) when she is attending a class.

I actually wonder if it would backfire on her if she took him to court, as BF makes significantly less now than he did when they divorced.

helena_brass's picture

That is a very good point. He did send her a text saying that she needed to provide all the receipts for the the daycare costs, dental work, and school tuition. She basically went loony and started talking about how she was going to take him to court for fraud on his motorcycle. I have no idea what her hang-up is about his motorcycle. He has missed the last few payments it seems, which is bad, but I don't think that's fraud.