Spouse expects you to jump when he finally has kidfree time.
So ex (bio mom) finally decides to take her kids to dinner for their weekly outing when she is finally work and boyfriend free and decides to spend time with her own kids for an hour or so. My husband tells me he wants to have dinner with me tomorrow as he is finally child free (for an hour and a half, if that). I already have my day planned and have errands to run and a late lunch with a friend then shopping, pedicure and raquetball or gym time. He is upset because Im not jumping at the chance to have a rushed dinner with him. I might remind you that I spent my whole weekend (when not at work) at his kids sports events. Bio mom was nowhere to be found. I finally have a work free day and want to catch up doing other things than a rushed dinner when I wont even be hungry. It is funny how my schedule must revovle around bio mom in his eyes but he does not see it that way.
For some reason, some of
For some reason, some of these parents, whether you have kids of your own or not, expect that you should always be the one to sacrifice for the good of them or their children. And if you don't you are some kind of non family wanting monster. Heaven forbid you should want to save some time for yourself. How could you be so selfish?? (Sarcasm)
Ugh, I despise living on
Ugh, I despise living on other people's schedule. That is the one thing that annoys me the most about steplife. Always planning around a custody order that can never be bent.
I see where your DH is coming from - he feels he has a small window of adult time and wants to spend it with you which is great. BUT you are living your life despite the schedule you live by which is also great. I think this is just a lack of communication.
Instead you should plan date nights even when you have skids. Get a sitter and enjoy yourselves on a regular basis. That way when this happens it won't feel so rushed and necessary.
Exactly. Not only do I have a
Exactly. Not only do I have a million things to do but would also like some me time. Is that so wrong? It also frustrates me that bio cannot make plans ahead of time and it’s always last minute.
I think I see both sides in
I think I see both sides in this situation... We have the skids full time (don't even hear form Bm most of the time...) so whenever grandparents want them for the weekend (or a few hours) we both jump at getting to do literally ANYTHING kid free for a bit. Yesterday DH didn'thave class and both the girls were in school. I only had an hour long lunch break, but DH and I went somewhere just to get away and enjoy each other's company without a child climbing all over the place.
However I see your side as well. I LOVE the gym, and I find having the skids full time seems to put me perpetually behind in my own life... So sometimes when the skids are gone I just want to be productive. i want to go through my closet, take the dogs out for a run, go surfing, etc. Just because there aren't skids to worry about, and it's like this beathe of fresh air.
So i say be flattered he wants to spend his kid free time with you. But since you have other stuff going on, then you tell him thank you for thinking of you and then go about your business
These arrogant parents expect
These arrogant parents expect you to drop everything you have going on, including your own responsibilities, needs and well being necessesities , at the drop of a hat for the sake of their kids(not your kids), themselves and their ex. They have no clue how hypocritical and selfish they behave most of the time. If the shoe was on the other foot there is no way they would do the same for you or someone else. They are selfish people who live in their own bubble.
Absence can make a man take notice.
You hold the course. He is treating you as a back up option, not a true life partner. This is a part of what we call around here disengagement and after spending all that time focused on the skids, I'm surpirsed that you aren't getting more support for being selfish. You might explain it to him that if you didn't go to all the skid stuff, you would have time to join him spur of the moment. You might consider doing some disengaging from all of this skid stuff. It would allow you time for yourself and time for the marriage and men react to positive reinforcement, especially of the "adult only" nature. He needs to understand he can't have it both ways. If he wanted a wife who was mother to his kids, then he needs to be with BM. What he really has is a wife who is not connected genetically with his kids. That's a whole other ballgame.