Some Advice
Hello,
I haven't been on for awhile but, in updating everyone on the current status of Fiances situation. Fiance was seeking full physical and legal custody of his daughter from a previous marriage. Fiance decided to withdraw the request for the best interest of his daughter. He felt things were too stressful for everyone. In my observation, Step-daughter seems more relaxed, and extremely talkative. I don't mind talking but, occassionally I wish she would just be quiet. I was always raised the adults do adult things and the children play with the children. With step-daughter it is different. I don't want to be rude and tell her to be quiet but, sometimes I just tune her out, and hope she disappears to her bedroom or to be with my daughter from a previous marriage for some relief.
Recently me and fiance were blessed with another daughter of our own. Step-daughter has been here on summer vacation with us. She drives me crazy with her ways. She has no respect for adults her paternal grandmother spent some time here with us, and she and I both asked her on two occassions to pick up her stuff that she left in the living room. She totally ignored us. I informed her father via blackberry, and he called her. He then told her to pick up her stuff which she did. Her grandmother asked her to get dressed to accompany her to a craft store, and she totally ignored her. I didn't intervene because, I don't feel endowed with authority to tell her to do things especially after I had asked her to do something the previous day, and she totally disregarded it. I sometimes feel like I am irrelevant in this household when dealing with step-daughter. They are times I just don't want to be left alone with her. I prefer she accompany her dad to his job or to his family house. They are things I notice about step-daughter which are mind boggling to me. At 10 years old she needs to be reminded to brush her teeth, comb her hair, take a bath, go to bed, and pick up after herself. I am sorry but, my daughter has know to do these things since the age of 9 years old. I have taughter my daughter to take care of herself because, I will not always be around, and I want her to be able to function if she goes to another household. I feel no one has to be expected to do things for you unless they want to do things for you.
Am I wrong for the way I feel about Step-Daughter?
At times, I feel like the reason me and fiance will not last together is because, of step-daughter because, I feel like a roommate in the household when step-daughter is here.
What is your perspective?
Its tough when you have a kid
Its tough when you have a kid that doesn't listen to you... I think her disregard is she doesn't feel as if she has to listen to you and that behavior needs to be corrected by her dad.. He sets the pace... you have every right when he is not around to ensure the house is going smoothly... if you asked her behind to clean up after her self then she should because YOUR house your rules... Just because your not her mother doesn't mean she doesn't have to listen.. Your an adult and MY children will listen to what an adult tells them too regardless if they are family or not... also get the support of his mother as well she is not listening to her either so its a authority issue... Plus talking is normal for kids... they will talk and talk and talk but when they are silent for a long period of time they are either in a technical device or causing some type of trouble... so a kid talking isn't a bad thing and you dont' have to raise children like your parents... you can set the pace of your own and its proven that kids that know the adults that are in there life care about what they say... tend to communicate better and when they do need help they have built trust and I think thats what she is doing trying to build a relationship with you... but your attitude is for her to be there and have no interaction with you? I dont' think that will ever happen