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SO OVER hearing "She's (BM) not going to change, so why bother mentioning it?"

frustratedsince09's picture

This may seem minor to some, but SS8 has a reading log for school that has things like, "under a tree", "in my room", "on a tuesday", etc. that you choose from. It is laid out like a bingo form and when you have read for 20 min. in any of those categories, you sign it and turn it in.
Last night SS8 finished reading "in the living room" and when I went to sign that square, I saw that "in the bathtub" has been filled in. DH and I laughed and said "Thats so funny! LOL! You read in the tub? That's Cool!". SS8 replied with "No, but my mom said we could pretend I did and fill it in."
After explaining to him that it would have been better to choose another square that he did complete rather than LYING, he went to bed.
So, I asked DH how he was going to handle that with BM. He said "I'm not. It's like talking to a brick wall. She's not going to change." WELL. I went insane on him!!! She is teaching him to lie to his teacher!!! Once again, we are fighting about her.....
THOUGHTS?

frustratedsince09's picture

Curious....what part of caring about the up-briging of a child that I have been raising 50% of the time for the past 6 years makes me the Terminator? I dont have to let ANYTHING go. Lying is NOT acceptable in my house or in the real world. He can stand up to BM and grow a pair for the sake of his son's character.

Disneyfan's picture

Did your going off on husband change anything?

He can't change what BM does. All he can do is teach his son that lying is wrong.

StickAFork's picture

I can't for the life of me understand why you went "insane" on DH for this.
He's right. You were WAY wrong.
Talking to BM IS like talking to a brick wall, it will accomplish nothing, and he cannot control how BM chooses to parent (or not) in her home.
DH should just have reminded SS that lying isn't ok, and left it.
You should have kept your mouth shut.
Now, you owe your DH a HUGE apology.

BTW, in your response to a comment, you just sound flat out angry at the world. You can care about lying, and teach that lying is wrong.
YOU CAN NOT control what BM does, what she teaches HER son, and you cannot control your DH.
Take a deep breath and a big step backward.

I never, ever understand why women go off on their husbands for what their exes do. It only erodes your relationship with him. Sad

frustratedsince09's picture

Thanks for your responses. Although I am not angry at the world (as someone implied), I am angry that after 6 years of documenting all of the destructive behaviors and PAS moves on her part, nothing will be done by the courts unless she starts prostituting or smoking crack. She is lazy, selfish and has no intention of stepping up to the plate and being a good mom. They were never married---a college fling that produced a child. The difference is that DH does not act like he is in college anymore. Like I stated in my original post, this was a minor thing. However it was the proverbial "straw" and you can call me "Sally the Camel". Thats why,right or wrong I went off on him.

frustratedsince09's picture

Thats what truly stinks about this whole thing SS8 being in the middle and constantly confused as to which kid he should be at which house. I firmly believe that children will do/act as they are expected to and in this case he must be feeling like Jekyl at one house and Hyde at the other. So sad!

Cocoa's picture

yeah, nothing you can do about the poison she feeds her kids. all you can do is parent well when ss is with you and disengage from the rest. the kid is going to turn out the way he is going to turn out because she will always undermine you and your dh. this is the woman he chose to be the mother of his children, so let her mother. the kid was born with this strike against him already. who are we to try to save him? let the chips fall where they will, but always, always, always protect yourself!

Cocoa's picture

it's hard to believe, but i think alot of SM problems are because they care more than either parent! i realized this not long after me and dh married. also realized why the heck should i care more than the kids' own parents??? screw their future. salvage what i can for myself/my marriage/my husband.

ACAM2012's picture

I go through the exact same thing. SD9 lives with us and her mother LOVES drama. She has called CPS SEVEN times in the four years that I have been with my SO. All cases were unfounded, many of them just juvenile and stupid but have to be investigated because they received a call. I told her that he needs to tell her that if it continues then harassment charges will be brought against her. She does not give my SD her prescribed medications on the weekends (I have provided her with an extra inhaler and an extra nose spray to keep at her house). She has allowed her SO to threaten my SD with physical harm. This resulted in her not being able to leave SD alone with her SO. She does not follow this court rule. She calls me names and insults me to SD. She creates and makes up lies to SD and CPS about our house and my kids. SO tells me, "Why bother saying anything? I can speak until I am blue in the face, she will never change and it will continue to go on no matter what I say". It's very frustrating because it makes me feel like our family is not important enough for him to "defend" or say something to SD's BM. I do see his point but she is also the type who has an entitlement attitude and thinks that she does not have to follow any rules. She feels as if she is above following the law/rules. And if she doesn't get her way she throws a tantrum. And my view is that if he doesn't say anything she will continue to think that it's okay for her to break rules set by the court, etc. And he won't violate her.She recently threw a tantrum because my SO told her that she cannot tell SD what she can and cannot do at our house. I try to tell him that, "if you say something then at least she will know that YOU do not think it is okay for her to call names, degrade our family, not give SD her meds, etc and at least she will know that you are aware of what is going on.