Skid + DH and his lack of FaceTime etiquette
Subject says it all.
When I walked in the door from work yesterday DH was on FaceTime with skid. All well and good, but what I take issue with is how DH goes about it.
Each and every time lately, it's almost as if he's trying to get me into the FaceTime session without first asking me if I even want to.
For example - yesterday. By the time I got to a spot that I could sit my purse down and take off my shoes, DH was all up in my personal space, on FaceTime with skid, trying to get me in frame of the call. Yeah, that's a big nope, bud. I quickly walk down the hall to wash my hands and then into our bedroom to change clothes. I can hear him walking down the hall, sighing, then informing skid he better go.
First off, I do not care how often or long he FaceTimes with skid -- I just don't wish to be included in on it. Ever.
Personally, when I FaceTime someone, I assume it's just going to be me and that person (unless you're knowingly engaging in a group FaceTime). My back is usually near a wall and I don't hop up and follow people around in my home in an attempt to get them in on it.
It feels like I'm being ambushed, but even more so it feels really rude on his part. He has done this the past few times he has been on FaceTime with skid. I would think he would have caught on by now that I want no part of it and that it's intrusive, but no.
is it just me, or is this bad etiquette on his part?
Is your husband trying to
Is your husband trying to involve you because he struggles with what to say to his kid and thinks you will help the conversation? My husband has a hard time knowing what to say to his son and he struggles with emotional stuff. SS20 is very emotional and my H gets overwhelmed easily by that, so he sometimes tries to push that type of interaction on me "for help".
Have you told him you don't like being included in facetime and especially don't like being hit with it unexpectedly when you walk through the door and without agreeing to it in advance?
DH doesn't struggle with
DH doesn't struggle with conversing with skid, sans me, at all. He does it all the time, often while I'm away at work, or when he's outside with our children playing in the yard. I could see that being a very valid reason someone would do this, but it's not in this case.
It's almost as if he has this deluded idea that I want to talk to her too? Engaging with skid face-to-face is awkward enough for me and skid. We don't call or text one another - ever. In fact, DH told me to block skid's phone number YEARS ago, out of fear BM would get ahold of skid's phone and text me pretending to be skid.
I haven't outright verbally told him to refrain from doing this, but I'm at this point, because I feel like it's abnormal behavior and I might come across too harsh, putting him on the defense, because like a lot of bio parents, he takes offense to anything remotely negative in regards to skid or skid-related.
Bugger off, I'm tired.
Bugger off, I'm tired.
I hate being bombarded too.
I hate being bombarded too. My husband and all of his family members do this as well. A lot of the people they facetime with don't speak English and I don't speak their language so suddenly these people I never met and can't speak to are in my face. Ugh the day we let them know I was pregnant they did this and had to call everyone they knew and shove the phones in my face to make me tell them.
Very rude. No one likes being bombarded with a phonecall, and no one likes being bombarded with anything the moment they walk into the house.
Yeah, no
It sounds like he's reading your body language loud and clear if he's sighing and saying he'd better go, but maybe it's worth articulating out loud, too. I think men just have these super unrealistic fantasies that we're going to love their kids like our own, so maybe it can also open up a conversation about what each of your expectations are around involvement with skids. My DH and I have fought about it before, but he can't point to a single thing that I've ever said or done that was unkind or disrespectful to his kids; I just don't love them. We can control our actions but not our feelings, and you aren't obligated to any/many actions either. And as someone who was/is also a skid, I JUST WANTED TO TALK TO MY DAD! I like my SM and all, but dang, don't default to a group conversation, dude! Your kids want YOUR attention.
Sorry that meandered, but I say just say out loud that you don't want to be a part of dad-skid time. They should have their time and their conversations (and you should have your peace and quiet).
Thanks for this!
Thanks for this!
Why not say something? It's
Why not say something? It's pretty rude that he ambushes you the minute you come in the door, and not with just a "Say hi to SM!" and swing the camera around - he tries to get you to stop and talk with the kid.
Be clear and assertive.
Be clear and assertive. "When I get home I need at least an hour to wind down and have me and us time before I face time with the Skid. Please either wait to talk to him for an hour after I get home or do not expect me to participate for at least an hour."
Lather, rinse, repeat.