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Recap of my so-called disengaged holiday

momjeans's picture

My in-laws pulled all the usual punches. MIL and her covert narcissism. FIL her bi-polar, pill popping flying monkey.

Prior to Christmas, FIL brought skid over. FIL has a revoked license from the DUI/Child endangerment charge last summer - he is not supposed to be driving. He’s also wearing an ankle monitor. When MIL sent me a text later that evening, I told her, just between me and her, that I felt it was an incredibly irresponsible thing for him to be doing, that it was also setting a bad example for skid (FIL joked about how he was not supposed to be driving in front of skid - it was incredibly uncomfortable to watch). I also threw in there that it was disrespectful to BM, too. MIL stated “Yes, just between you and me, momjeans” and “this was a one time occurrence, so...”

BS. He has been driving all along. Still is. Apparently, I care more than DH that his father is doing this. Whatever. I’m over it. I’ve voiced my concern and that’s all I can do.

Christmas Day, DH is scurrying around the house trying to find the batteries he bought. MIL and FIL jump up. MIL says “Grab your keys FIL” and he smugly replies “Oh! I can’t drive. You KNOW I am not allowed to.” Total passive-aggressive exchange right in front of me. Thank goodness, DH finds the batteries.

You’d think the grandparents would focus on our children, the ones they hardly ever come to see, but no. MIL goes on to talk about drunk BIL. How they drove 8 hours with skid to go be a faaaaamily, spend time with drunk BIL’s toddler, and look at apartments - because drunk BIL has been kicked to the curb once again. Drama.

Skid did not disappoint, too. For an 11 year old, obviously I do not give her enough credit, as I think she’s fully aware of the things she needs to say to try and push my buttons. Excessively talking about BM isn’t tolerated in my home. At one point, I go to check on DD4 playing in her room. I peak in to see MIL sitting on the floor next to skid sprawled-out on DD’s bed. As soon as she sees me, skid says, while motioning she has a phone above her head, smiling and taking a selfie...

“Mimi, did you send those pictures to my mom?!”
MIL: “No, Which pictures?”
Skid: “You know. ALL THE ONES WE TOOK!”
MIL: “No. I didn’t.” (MIL is now staring at the floor, feeling the glare, and unprotected because her flying monkey is in the other room)
Skid: “Well, you should. My mom said to take and send lots of pictures!”

Newsflash. BM is too busy enjoying a child-free Christmas to be bothered.

Also, I’m upping my disengagement in 2018.

marblefawn's picture

Oh my god, what a freak show. You poor woman!

If the kid is caught in car with someone already convicted of DUI/child endangerment, couldn't bioparents and grandparents all be up shite's creek? I'd be making a phone call! If they lose their licenses, the kid won't have a ride to your house!

They all sound awful, kid included. Still, I'd mention to your husband "What if?" because kids are killed all the time in DUI accidents. It only seems like something that can't happen to you. The only thing worse is when it's a relative behind the wheel and everyone knew he/she was breaking the law and no one said anything.

momjeans's picture

My in-laws are the worst. They follow a protocol of denial, contempt, reframing and shaming the person who presents them with evidence of their lies, hypocrisy, and double standards.

I seriously wish my FIL would get caught driving - especially with skid in the car. He’d still change lawyers 5 times, drag his feet trying to avoid any repercussions, like jail time - like he JUST completed, though.

And in my in-laws and DH’s eyes, skid is this sweet and innocent “good Christian girl” who would never be a mean girl like her mom.

It’s all too much for me and my easy going existence. Haha.

marblefawn's picture

You can't expect much from a kid with grandparents like that. Surprising her dad isn't more concerned about their behavior with his kid in the car. What is with people?

notsobad's picture

Call the cops and report him.
Give them his plate, type of car and what road he’s on. Say you suspect he’s drunk.
Do it every single time you see him out driving.

Indigo's picture

Or just photo it on your phone. Details perhaps found on scraps of paper are a paper trail while a weird photo of .. a bug, a bird ... that just happens to include the car is easier to obscure.

Like calling CPS, you can remain anonymous but need to call every freakin' time your arrogant FIL decides to endanger other people.

LostinSpaceandTime's picture

Or perhaps a photo of skid with the car lic plate in background. Another with the whole car visible for make and model. Then you have recent photo of skid and the car he is riding in with unlicensed driver. Two birds with one stone!

Just never let on that you called in the report. Try to be somewhere else when all the drama happens if he is caught. If you know when he leaves the house with skid and where he is going you can just let police know and they can pick him up on the way. Meanwhile go out with a friend so you are not avail to go pick up skid from police station. DH can have that honor.

Some people just think they are above the law and rules everyone else has to follow. Hope he gets caught and learns that his attitude is wrong as well as his actions.

momjeans's picture

“Some people just think they are above the law and rules everyone else has to follow. Hope he gets caught and learns that his attitude is wrong as well as his actions.”

This. This is both FIL and MIL. It’s disturbing.

Thank you for the ideas!

skatermom's picture

Your SD11 sounds like a massive brat. Trust me, they know EXACTLY what they are doing at that age!

momjeans's picture

Thank you!

I often find myself second guessing everything, because everyone else still views skid as the sweet and innocent 5 year old she once was.