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She is the most MISERABLE person I know

Disillusioned's picture

For those of you who know my history, my SIL is an absolute nightmare

One of the most jealously insecure people I’ve ever met

Jealous primarily of my relationship with DH (having never been married herself, no kids, barely a boyfriend in her life and not many friends, her “BLOOD” family being ALL that matters to her) she’s always had a difficult time with me, always seems to think there is some sort of competition over who comes first with DH…she really thinks being someone’s wife is to be of zero importance, only family such as one’s SISTER is what matters, and the sister should always come before the wife. Hmmmm….never got that but okay.

And then accepting anyone that she feels is competition from any other aspect in life on top of it; looks, success, popularity, she just can’t handle it…oh and add someone seven years her junior she is just generally pissed off to a major degree

She has always been mean, petty, revengeful and completely unwelcoming of me. Negative, walks around with a permanent scowl on her face, can’t even so much as answer when I say hello, plays down every success I have/blows up any failure

Ya….basically just seethingly jealous

But after my FIL died, SIL seemed to be making an effort to be a better person

Yes, it was unbelievable and well yes, guess that means it probably WAS unbelievable

I still saw how she seemed to enjoy jumping in with OSD trying to humiliate me/just generally try to make me feel uncomfortable, not worthy, an outsider, etc…but still, I thought I saw some effort to try to be better, maybe because FIL wrote in his will letter how important it was to him & MIL that DH and SIL got along, maybe because FIL wrote in his will letter how much he & MIL loved me and what a big part of their family I was, maybe because of both statements

I had a tiny bit of hope

But last weekend, I once again, got my awakening

So there was a gathering for one of late FIL’s cousin’s SO’s

A good friend of DH’s family (although hilariously SIL could never stand her either haha!)

So DH & I arrive a little early, we’re chatting with a few other people who arrived early…we’re all asked to wait at the bar until they have the room in the restaurant set up and ready for us. I excuse myself to go to the washroom and when I come back to join DH I see that SIL has arrived, and has positioned herself right next to DH
As I’m approaching them, I’m disappointed to see she has that same nasty, negative scowl on her face
She’s in one of her moods again

Before I can even make my way back to DH, people are coming up to say hello to me, hug, kiss, greet, etc….one of them hilariously squished his way right inbetween SIL and DH in an effort to give me a hug and say hello
So, since I’m greeting/hugging/kissing everyone in front of SIL including someone right beside her, I feel the mature and decent thing to do is hug her and say hello as well

But, the moment I turn to SIL to hug her hello I see she’s standing rigidly in her spot refusing to move an inch to hug – very clear message from her that there is no way I will be giving HER a hug

Whatever

So I say hello to her instead

She says hi, but in the most cold, snarky and completely unfriendly way possible

Again, whatever

DH of course, being like all our sometimes clueless DH’s, only picks up on the fact that SIL answered me and assumes she’s being “NICE” to me, and lunched right in to full sister ass-kissing. Even after I find out later on in the evening that SIL was apparently pretty rude to him too when she first arrived

Whatever

I make my rounds and chit chat with everyone I know, sip a cocktail and am having a good time despite the bad energy from SIL

Finally the hostess tells us our room is ready and as we all move to the other side of the restaurant I can see that SIL is right up there behind DH, I assume fully intending to sit either across from him or beside him - so she can then talk to DH only, completely exclude me, talk only on subjects she knows they have in common and I don’t….again, just any attempt to prove to me I’m unimportant (to both of them) and that the conversation will revolve around them all evening and completely exclude me – where she feels my place should be

Fortunately the room was so crowded and everyone was just jumping into any seat they could find, yup, chaos, that DH was starting to stress that he & I wouldn’t be able to sit together let alone the three of us

We finally find seats at the end of a very long table (two side by side and one across) and when DH goes to signal to SIL to tell her there is room for three, we see that she is sitting at the other end of the table

I’m all happy thinking life couldn’t be better but DH is unhappy and thinks he somehow owes it to his sister to insure he’s looked after finding a seat for her too. He’s tries to get her attention to say she can come down and join us but gets frustrated because it’s too loud in the room and asks me to try because you know I was one whole seat closer to her end

Anyway, finally it quiets down enough in the room that SIL can hear both of us signalling/calling to her to join us
She hesitates, then says in a pretty rude tone “no, I think I’ll stay here”

After an uncomfortable silence she adds that she’ll be running to the bathroom all night (which was bogus because the bathroom was actually much closer to our end) and life just happily continues LOL

SIL thinks she’s won by rudely sticking it to DH, DH thinks he’s won by showing how much he was looking after (aka kissing up to his ever judgemental disapproving sister) and of course I think I’ve won because my point is proven again (even just to myself haha) that the more DH kisses his sister’s ass when she’s rude and nasty, the nastier and ruder she will continue to be

But, she wasn’t done yet

After sitting in her seat all night glaring down the table at DH & I, and we were having a great time BTW, she finally got up to leave following the speeches/dessert. She made her rounds hugging/kissing/saying goodnight to everyone she wanted to, and then she left without so much as a glance in our direction

I saw this happen but said nothing

Only when we ourselves were ready to leave did DH notice and say to me that he guessed his sister had left. I said yes I guess she did

DH says, “well that was pretty rude of her”

I say, “yes I think so too”

I could write a book on what I think DH’s response to her ‘should’ have been, but I guess the reason for this long rambling post is more about wow – what a miserable, ugly (I’m talking on the inside here) nasty human being my SIL is!

SacrificialLamb's picture

Personally I think everyone needs a cat or 12. She needs a heck of a lot more!

You're right, she's miserable. She has nothing else to hold onto other seeing how she can make herself better than someone else. You're an easy target, as you have already figured out.

Notup4it's picture

This is twisted.... I would be willing to bet she already has 12 cats.... am I right?! Haha.

Disillusioned's picture

hahaha, three dogs at one time...and I never thought she was a good dog-owner either!

theoldredhen's picture

So, my dear,

The great, ghastly hag rears her ugly head once again! How sad, that she managed to disrespect her father's dying wish with her envy and spite. I'd feel pity for her if she weren't such a nasty piece of work.

Women like your SIL (and Sarah Huckabee Sanders) are the reason that they coined the phrase, 'Resting Bitch Face'. Beee

2Tired4Drama's picture

The difference is it is my OWN SISTER who is like this!  She is a mean, vindictive, meddling and terminally jealous person.  

Like your SIL, she has never been successful having her own relationship with a man, so she gloms on to other women's mates.  Once she has wheedled her way in, she begins manipulating the situation.  

She has done this to me, to her friends, to our cousins - no one is safe.  The absolute worst was when our elderly mom was in a nursing home, my sister planned and went on a vacation with my mom's elderly boyfriend!  This was a vacation that my mom had always dreamed of taking.  Imagine - being disabled in a nursing home and knowing your "boyfriend" was on a trip with your daughter!  My sister claims they went as "friends" but I have my serious doubts about that.   

She's had two female friends pass away, and the body was barely cold before my sister had inserted herself with the widowers to "help" them out - and in one case, she caused so much drama the widower and his daughter had a falling out because of my sister's meddling, and the man and his daugher didn't speak to each other for more than a year!

We have a male cousin who was having some newlywed-type marital issues.  The typical stuff that many couples go through as they transition into marriage.  My sister became a wheedling, sympathetic ear for him and convinced him that he had made a horrible mistake in marrying his wife and he needed to divorce her.  He eventually did and I believe he still has regrets since he didn't give it enough time.  Where he made his mistake was getting advice from my sister!

My parents were sadly aware of what type of person my sister was.  Before they died, both of them expressed to me their shame and regret about how she turned out.  I didn't need any further confirmation that my sister is a damaged person, and have treated her accordingly.  Unlike your FIL, my parents WARNED me about my sister and didn't try to ask us all to get along.  They realized she was not going to change.  

I have also warned my SO and his family about her so they are aware of her machinations.  I had to do that since she was inserting herself (slowly but slimily) into their lives.  I've had to do the same with my friends, as my sister tries to glom onto them, too.  Thankfully, SD is pretty much non-communicato otherwise I know my sister would have had no problem becoming friends with her in order to throw a wrench in my relationship with my SO.  If a situation ever occurred where my sister aligned herself with SD, I would have permanently cut my sister out of my life. 

In your case, Dis, it seems it is your DH who needs to be the buffer between his sister and anyone she comes in contact with.  Instead of going out of his way to include her, he needs to recognize that she is a damaged person and keep her as far away as possible from you and anyone he cares about. 

That's what I do.   I try to see my sister alone and when I do I have to be very guarded about what I talk about or even casually mention.  Twisted individuals like this now have Facebook/social media as a lethal weapon and will use it to their advantage.  I know if I even casually mention a name of someone in my life, as soon as she goes home my sister will scope them out on Facebook.  

It seems there may be some sort of psychological syndrome going on with these kinds of women.  You obviously have a SIL who has very similar traits to my sister.  I don't know if they have a name for it yet, but they should come up with one.   

P.S.  My sister has a cat, BTW.  And it does no good.  In fact, I have my suspicions that she probably treats it badly when no one is around. 

Disillusioned's picture

Wow tootired, first of all, I really feel bad for you! 

But good for you, you have your sister pegged, and clearly know how to handle her!

I so wish my DH could follow your advice, he just doesn't get it (or want to get it) but I agree, this is some sort of emotional sickness and there should be a name for it somewhere!

momjeans's picture

What an insufferable person, this SIL.

I imagine the only way to navigate her and her behavior is just to stone cold ice her, huh? Put her in the airlock and go in as if she doesn’t exist. Don’t make eye contact with her, acknowledge her, etcetera.

 

theoldredhen's picture

 

Hey momjeans,

Being as you're the expert on the insufferable, 'stone cold ice' and 'airlock' are viable suggestions.

At least you, momjeans, have the advantage of your MIL and FIL’s advanced years; in fact, death is the only event that would improve those two.

Disillusioned, my friend, cherish the time that your don’t spend with your SIL and bask in the very attributes that make her so damned jealous. You win, Hon! Nyah, nyah, nyah to the loser B!tch! Good

 

Evil3's picture

You described my SD29 and DH's niece43 to a T! Neither have had success with men and both are very, very bitter about it. SD has always had it in for any female who joins the family via relationships with men. SD goes ballistic and manipulates like crazy to try to make life hell for any GF of SS and keep her an outsider. Right now, SS is with the woman he's going to marry and everyone couldn't be happier. Not SD! She gossips about SDIL and picks on a fault (she can be a bit loud, but not in an attention whore type of a way) and goes on and on and on about it hoping that everyone will reject this lady. Niece is just as bad. N has an older sister who has been with her SO for over 13 years. They have a DS and are very, very happy. They live in a gorgeous house and just completed very expensive renos. Well, N gossips about her sister and wants her to "get what's coming to her." N can't stand that sister is happy with a man. Their mother was married briefly to their dad for only a few years and when they split 40 years ago, their BM never had another relationship again. She, too is bitter, but doesn't gossip about people or try to get rid of people. Anyway, N got really pissed off at DH's and my 23rd anniversary, so to make me "pay" N contacted BM and became besties with her. DH is livid and warned N that if we show up to a family gathering and his ex is there, there will be hell to pay and it will be N who will not be allowed to attend family gatherings. DH will not allow me to be the one who can't go due to discomfort with BM still making her ugly mug being shown. Any female who joins the clan via relationship with males "pays the price" with both SD and N's crap.

Disillusioned's picture

Wow evil3, this is more common that I knew. But you've made me feel so much better describing why they act the way they do. Sorry you have to deal with this too! Thanks for your post!!

Gingersnapped's picture

My ex husband's sister is the same way. But she was married 3 times, cheated on all 3, etc.  Butted into everything the family did and made it her life work to destroy her brother's marriages. She was part of the reason for my divorce!!!

SweetMom's picture

Don’t drink her kool- aid. Continue being yourself and hopefully your joy for yourself will rub off. Now I haven’t read all the comments, just browsing. My time is limited. I actually came here to vent myself. 

somethingwicked's picture

This SIL is staying on script  .She's a bitch. She's resentful and the resaons are a mystery.

Maybe she is in love (on a sexual level) with her brother ..an unrequited love that fuels her jealousy.

Hey,Sibling Incest... it happens.

She is a sick ,broken unit fer shure.

I would give her a wide berth. Her brother,too, should realize by now that she is never going to warm up to you and even harbors resentment towards him ; and unless  all attend some group family therapy with the therapist as moderator and referee nothing will change but only continue to rot in the way of relationships .

But it is time for you to accept that she will NEVER cotton to you,Disillusioned.

Accept that she hates you, resents you ,is envious, all of it ~and I'd start practicing my Apathy Face  to use whenever  she is present  at a family function. Don't waste another moment of your time or molecule of gray matter pondering "what is wrong with Sister $hitface?"

SHE has the problem and it has been festering and is now deeply ensconced in her personality towards you and her brother.

Believe me if he would dump you tomorrow Sister $hitface would be all smiles.

And ,too, your DH ,her brother,should stop acting like a performing seal when he is around her trying to gain her attention, appoval..something..maybe a sardine..LOL

Blood Family is not immune to very bad behavior that should be ignored or accepted or rewarded.

This is what he does. He tries to minimize her awful antisocial behavior towards you and him,too, by signaling ,calling to and trying to get that witch's attention to "come and sit with us ,Sis!"  WHY?? does he do that.

If anything he should have breathed a big old sigh of relief that the Albatross of Doom and Gloom and Dagger Eyes found a spot waaayyy over yonder.

And don't think that she placed  herself there on a whim at the musical chair seating arrangement at this gathering.

She WANTED to be able to watch you both to continue to stoke her resentment.DANGER ! DANGER Will Robinson! NOT NORMAL BEHAVIOR.

She is a snake eyeing two mice.

An observation: You guys had PLENTY of adoring family and friends at this gathering ,it appears ,in your telling with many warm hugs, hellos, kisses etc.

That this creature is not receptive to you and her brother is not lost on others.Leave the snake be.

And the positive actions of the  majority was in your and DH's favor for a pleasant evening.It would have been perfection if you and DH had not spent time focused on the snake.

You know who and what she is..she has and is continuing to show you ..so believe her and ignore her.

BTW ~where -O -where was the crazy OSD?  

She was not at the gathering ,I take it ,coz she and Snake Sister would have been coiled in a corner hissing  and rattling about you..Right?

Stay classy.

 

Disillusioned's picture

something wicked you certainly have her pegged, to a T. So impressed! And thank you for the laugh as well, I think I will read and reread your comments every time she gets on my last nerve

Thank you so much for this! 

And as for OSD, yes she was not invited. 

The person hosting the event has never been that impressed with OSD, and since he was footing the bill for this big gathering I assume he decided to only invite those he wanted there Smile

He clearly doesn't know SIL well yet LOL

 

 

Step-girlfriend's picture

She sounds awful! Sorry you have to deal with that.

I was worried I would be dealing with the same thing when I started dating my SO and met his siblings. They (mostly his full sister, he also has a half sister and half brother), didn't give me the time of day. And I'm easy to get along with! I wouldn't even get a hi out of them. I felt so uncomfortable and it really hurt my feelings cause I'm sensitive, much to my chagrin. This went on even after we moved in together. No one gave me the time of day except his brother. I may as well have been invisible. My SO was LIVID about it. He actually noticed it right away, and said he couldn't understand it because they are pretty welcoming people, and always were nice to his ex, even though they hated her. I had kind of accepted the fact that they just didn't want anything to do with me, until his sisters started to slowly thaw out and actually talk to me. Now, I'm actually friends with his full sister, and we go to dinner together, just the two of us. At family events, she comes right over to sit by me. I never did find out why she acted the way she did, but I'm so glad it got better!

It sounds like yours is just kind of an evil bitch, but I have hope that she stops making your life difficult. Smile

Disillusioned's picture

I'm glad it worked out well for you step-girlfriend, you sound like a very sweet person! :)