At DH's sisters for the Father's day family event on the weekend. Best evening of detachment yet for me! (well best would be not to attend at all, but that isn't an option for me at this time)

So when DH & I arrive and walk into the living room where everyone else is, OSD immediately begins talking to DH. She knows I'm there too, walked in right behind him, but focuses on DH completely - not so much even looks in my direction, let alone say hello.

Now in the past, her rudeness would really leave me feeling outraged. It would put me in a bad mood for the rest of the day, and DH & I would end up arguing in the car about it on the way home

Not any more, not for a long time now

Instead I sailed right on by them, walking in the direction of FIL, who was already up out of his seat rushing over to say hello, how are ya, what's new etc... Clearly happy to see me.

OSD did not get the reaction she wanted from me, in fact not only did I not let on I even noticed it, but I was immediately in an upbeat conversation with FIL who was obviously pleased I was there

I've worked hard to not react to any of OSD's tactics, but also to not let it make a dent in my mood any longer, nor stop me from having a fabulous time

Wished FIL Happy Father's Day with big hug, and since SSIL was beside FIL, wished him Happy Father's Day too. SSIL was pleased with that, big smile. Asked him how he was, what's new. Well OSD jumps in and says "Uh, nothing at all" then gives SSIL a little smirk.

SSIL did not return her smirk, but instead politely tells me that there is lots new; sold their home, moving next month and oh by the way, pregnant with their third child

I tell him congratulations with a sincere smile, that's so nice for them

OSD again didn't get the reaction she wanted, I simply have no time for her silliness, nor care at all any more about what she says, does or thinks

OSD just couldn't let that one go however, and says to me "oh I thought Dad would have told you" (DH did tell me that OSD told him about the pregnancy, but specifically told him not to say anything) then adds "I told Mom, and I told Dad, and asked Dad not to say anything, but Mom went and told everyone"....so in other words she was making sure I knew she told her parents, but step-parents weren't entitled to know of course.

Again, if she was looking for a reaction she didn't get one from me. She hasn't figured out yet that I simply don't care.

I just looked at DH and smiled, he smiled back, and neither of us said whether he told me or not

Then I happily went back to my conversation with SSIL, said that he was either going to be a father of three boys soon, or two boys and a girl. SSIL says how he is sure it will be a girl this time (This is a joke we have as last baby SSIL had me convinced it would be a girl, but it was a boy) so I joked with him that I was not debating it with him this time, as long as the baby was healthy that's all that mattered

The really nice thing about disengaging, is it may start with a conscious effort simply to not react to someone's deliberately poking you. You learn to think of them as just an unwanted person at a friend's house you were invited too, someone you are polite too but avoid as much as possible because they have mental problems, like in the area of competitiveness, jealous insecurities. But after a while, the disengaging gets to the point where not only are you making this constant effort to stay away from them, and you stop caring so much about all their little ploys and games, but, you also reach a point where you can see exactly who they are - all with calm unemotional detachment.

I see through OSD so much more clearly now, now that I've stopped taking to heart all her hostility and pettiness, and see it for it is - she has a problem, and I refuse to allow her problem to become mine any longer!

There were many, many more episodes with her that evening. But, I had a fabulous time, and completely avoided her the entire time!