Wanting a pic of the baby's grandparents together is too much?? People don't live forever, that child is related to those 2 people.

It sucks that the relationship between you 2 is so bad. My DS actually spends more time with DH's stepmom than his real one, but only because she lives out of town. Your SD wanting her parents together is a normal thing. At this age it may be just to celebrate the baby and for support. I'm telling you now it's going to get worse... Think of all the holidays, and birthdays coming up. You're going to have to either try not take it so personally or just start excusing yourself from family functions.

I hear you dear, and would be hurt too. But honestly, what do you care if this girl doesn't like you? She sounds like she would be a terrible friend and not anyone who would ever be there for you if you needed her.

Fake posed photos don't change the REALITY of everyone's true relationship status, so are poor comfort if that is what she is thinking (but she probably is not completely herself at this point after the birth and all).

So I would not put yourself out there, DO NOT EVER BABYSIT, and she may decide you are worth noticing eventually. Meanwhile I would gladly leave her and her drama fest alone!

Sometimes new moms may feel they are a celebrity at first, but eventually do realize, the more helping hands, the better. She will need you and her dad more, and may come around then, but let HER reach out, not you.

The fun for her is in rejecting you, do not be there to be rejected and the fun is gone for her. Don't be there waiting to be her punching bag, that is unhealthy for you honey, and perpetuates this cycle - break the cycle.

I like your idea of spending more time doing other things, and let her deal with her new baby and all the work involved, unless she grows up enough to acknowledge you. IMO! Hugs

I feel for you. I feel you really truely have been trying and I do understand your upset with this situation. Don't give up quite yet. You have a chance to make a special bond with a new life in this world and maybe thru this little grand baby there could be a change.

This raises issues for me because my SD had a baby a couple of years ago. We live out of state so didn't see the baby until the christening. We took video and pictures (assigned ourselves the role). There were pictures of BM, SD and baby and DH and baby. No BM and DH. I didn't mind staying in the background. My SD has been rude to me a few times--as she has been to almost every family member. Hot temper and big mouth, probably bi-polar. I kept my distance from her, small talk only.

After the baby was born, she warmed up some but I have not pushed the relationship at all. Actually, though, I took a selection of photos from baby's first year and made a photo book online and had it printed. The book has pictures of baby with his great-grandmothers and BM and DH, but none of me with baby. However, at the end, I put a picture of DH and me and he wrote a poem and I wrote a note. So I am in there! LOL. I left out the bitchy SILs, LOL again! The book is really beautiful and it is nothing her mother would ever be able to do. No creativity or motivation. My plan is to do little things as I see fit and not expect anything in return. I don't really care. I have my own daughters and grandchild.

SD and baby are coming in a month for a week, the first time she has visited. Should be interesting, I hope we can build a relationship but I am prepared to just be the neutral hostess. But I am also firm in my position that I am NOT responsible for the demise of the marriage and I refuse to be mistreated because of it. By the way, DH has shown tough love to both kids and that has helped a lot, both in how they treat him and how they are to me. I was thinking about it and it must have been hard for the kids because I am sure BM painted DH as the bad guy, especially since he met and married me right away and she hasn't had a steady BF. But their marriage was broken for a long time and she had no interest in fixing it.

I personally would not count on things improving, but that's from my own experience.

My SD initially referred to me as Grandma when her first child was born 2 yrs ago. About a year later, she made a nasty comment on Facebook that I responded to, and was then reemed out and told that she doesn't give a damn about me. When she announced her 2nd pregnancy last year, I sent her a message saying I hoped we could start fresh and put the past behind us. When the baby was born in June, I proudly posted a photo of her (copied from my hubby) and said in my status "Proud Grandma of so and so".....and this is what I got back 48 hours later:

"I know you are going to find this ridiculous, but I am emailing you in regards to copying and using our pictures.
I do not care if dad copies them as he is their grandfather, and that he uses them to print off for you guys to have as hard copies. This is an easy way for you guys to have photos of the kids, which is fine.
I don't appreciate however you using them as profile pictures, or in a way that you acknowledge yourself as their grandmother. I have requested to my father before that yourself and (SD) were not to be referred to as anything but X and X, as (her husband) and I are keeping things simple and only referring my mom and dad as well as (her husband's) mom and dad as Grandma & Grandpa.
I feel it is disrespectful for anyone to do anything but, as Jeremy and I are the parents of these children and it is ultimately our choice. We will not be impressed if we notice if you haven't made any changes whether it be on facebook or the years to come.
Please take this email as a constructive one as we would all like the peace and understanding for future visits and phone calls.
Thank you."

I was very hurt and DH blamed himself because he had not told me that months earlier she had told him she didn't want me calling myself Grandma. So that's it for me as far as she is concerned. Period. DH wanted to see his grandkids, so I told him to go alone, and I went off on a trip with my girlfriends and had a blast. When he returned he tried to tell me that SD and her hubby DO want me involved in their lives, and that the whole thing was a serious of misunderstandings and miscommunications. (yeah....riiiiggghhhtt - I don't think she miscommunicated her feelings one iota.) As I've told him, until she tells ME that (not him) and reaches out in a positive way, I'm done being hurt. DH just gets mad and says he's done arguing about her.

And to think I actually apologized to him after reading "Stepmonster" for putting him in the middle. I was hoping he would read the book. But then, he's refused to read books that might help our son (who has REAL problems) and to inform himself about my autoimmune disorder, so I suppose it is futile to think he might actually care enough to have some perspective. On the plus side, he has agreeing to go to counselling with me (next month....should be interesting).

We have other problems not related to SD, but she is a big cause of stress. I actually made an appointment with a divorce lawyer last week to see what my options were, but I've decided to cancel it. I'm not ready to throw in the towel yet on 20 years together. But I've given up any hope of any civil relationship with his daughter and husband. It's just not in the cards.