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'Going for the gold' in grandparents

2Tired4Drama's picture

As a recap, a little over two years ago my SO's father passed away. He was a kind, gentle person who was a good grandfather - as attested by his family and other grandchildren. The skids, however, chose the following:

SS27 ignored the terminal illness and death completely; didn't even respond when notified his grandfather had died.

SD24 said she could not get off of work so she could not go visit grandfather prior to death, and then said her company did not permit any bereavement time off to attend the funeral when he did die. Neither of the skids called their grandmother during this time, to include after the death.

SD, did, however send an e-mail to one of her cousins the day before the funeral because they said they would read it for her on her behalf. Knowing she would have an "audience", SD glowingly wrote how much she loved her grandpa and how it was so sad she could not be there - which the cousin read at the funeral service. All those in attendance considered it a wonderful tribute and were so touched.

I knew better.

Like clockwork, SD behaved true to form. About a week after the funeral, she went on a vacation with her friends. Upon her return from her fun beach-party vacay, the next time she saw my SO she didn't even mention anything to him about her grandfather's death or ask any questions about her grandmother.

Fast forward two years. SD is still working for the same company. BM's father (her other grandpa) is seriously ill. SD immediately takes a week off of work and flys to grandpa's bedside along with BM. She stays for more than a week, during which grandpa pulls out of it and recovers.

SD returns home, tells her father of this and then says, "Well, if grandpa had died I could have gotten more time off - the company gives us three bereavement days."

My SO says nothing.

Guess which grandfather has the money?

Rags's picture

Money grubbing and groveling at its finest. DH should have bared her ass on that one. "Ummmm isn't this the same company you worked for when my father died? I thought they did not have bereavement leave?"

This kind of crap never changes unless the perpetrator has to live the consequences of their manipulation and lies.

2Tired4Drama's picture

You are right, Rags. My SO should have called her out on it, and had a very blunt conversation with her about her behavior and its effect on his extended family.

He will avoid all confrontation with SD so nothing will ever change, I'm afraid.

Not to mention her personality has now been "formed" and its doubtful she could change even if she wanted to. The old leopard and their spots syndrome.

zerostepdrama's picture

Maybe she just isn't as close to her grandpa on her dad's side so she didn't think it was as important? Not saying that excuses the other actions- like checking up on her father who just lost his father, etc.

zerostepdrama's picture


2Tired4Drama's picture

Read below and you will get insight into exactly why relationship may not have been "healthy" - but it was not due to any misstep on SO's parents.

zerostepdrama's picture

Everyone is different... I think it has more to do with SD having less of an established relationship with her paternal grandparents. I was VERY close to my maternal grandma and did A LOT more for her then my parental grandma. I just felt more of a sense of responsibility to my maternal grandma. We had a VERY close bond.

zerostepdrama's picture

I don't know... I'm not trying to figure out why some internet stranger did what they did.

Just because you chose to go to the funeral of a grandma who said you were going to hell doesn't mean that everyone would feel that way. Different strokes for different folks.

Is_What_It_Is's picture

I'm on the same page of how close was the relationship to the grandparents. Either way, at my adult age, I believe a funeral is to pay your last respects AND support the living. She should have at least made somewhat of an effort for your SO.

2Tired4Drama's picture

Key phrase here: "pay your last respects" And most important word: "adult"

I'm sorry to say that neither of those apply to these skids. Incapable of respect for others and certainly don't possess qualities of an adult with any kind of integrity.

2Tired4Drama's picture

KISS, how right you are. No one believes the b.s. coming from these self-absorbed waste-cases. I guess the hardest part is when our DHs know but choose to keep their heads buried in the sand.

2Tired4Drama's picture

For those who asked the question, it was a good relationship between skids and my SO's parents. In fact, during one of the last times the now-estranged SS talked to my SO (before grandpa died), he point-blank said the times he spent with that set of grandparents were some of the best times of his life. It's probably because they loved to do things with them, play sports, go to the beach, ride bikes, play games, etc.

IMO, the real reason is that pre/post divorce, BM began a campaign of alienation. She did not encourage any relationship with the skids nor anyone else in SO's family. She did not have them call for birthdays, holidays, etc. Didn't have them send grandparents cards. Nothing. Nonetheless, my SO's parents continued to reach out to the skids.

Here's the reason: BM and her parents made it clear over and over to the skids that they have the money, thus they deserve the attention. And they get it. According to my SO, these grandparents never did activities with the skids. They lead a sedentary lifestyle and spend most of their time sitting indoors, talking. And talk they do. They have been telling the skids since they were small children that they "wouldn't have to work a day in their lives" because they were going to be giving them everything they wanted. SD had even said this in front of me.

In comparison, I am quite certain that my SO parents gifts of $100 at birthdays/holidays (which is what they could afford) was no match for the BM's parents buying power - like buying SD a brand new BMW.

So I guess you could say, yes. SD is indeed closer to her other grandparents. See why?