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Pushy bio-mom - advice needed!

KateC's picture

Hubby and stepdaughter have their annual daddy-daughter dance next weekend and the ex-wife/bio-mom is requesting to drop by our house to see them all dressed-up before the event.

Trust me when I tell you the ex-wife/bio-mom is completely pushy and a smother-mother to my stepdaughter. She doesn't easily comprehend boundaries, or she willfully opposes them.

My inclination is that since this is a DADDY-DAUGHTER function, why should she have any part in it? She can view pictures after the event if she really only wants to see them "all dressed-up". I really just think it kills her to not be a part of every single thing happening in her daughter's life. She loves infringing on my husband's visitation time.

SO ... thoughts? Am I being unfair? Do you think her request seems reasonable? What would you do in the same situation? Allow her into your home or not? Sometimes I DO want to give her another chance in hopes of finding a way for us all to get along, but my instincts keep telling me not to trust her!

Thanks in advance!

Bio father's picture

I took my girls to father/daughter dance and we took pics. He will enjoy himself.

shielded2009's picture

The bigger question is how does DH feel about it? If he's okay with it, you've got a hard row to hoe if he doesn't mind...If he doesn't mind, I'd tell him that you DO mind and think she's over stepping her boundaries and give her the option of them stopping by her house on their way...

If he DOES mind, tell her to go pound sand...

Disneyfan's picture

If she wants to see them, no need to go to your home. She can met them at the venue for a quick peek.

skylarksms's picture

DITTO

Lauren1438's picture

NO. Sorry your home and if it is not her visitation time then HELL No.

If she really wants to see have your husband give two choices, she can be emailed photos of her daughter or she can meet at a different location for a quick peak.

It is your home you should never have to feel like she has invaded your space, trust me, our BM broke into my home on Saturday, I still cant get the smell out.

liks's picture

My fn BM wont be coming 5 foot of my place and if she did....Ide get the gun and shoot her...

how dare she think she can do so.....

Ide say to your DH....its not in the best interest of his daughter to see her mother be shot at the front door....tell her to piss off and go sight them at the dance....

surely the child and her father can have this together without the nosey bloody DH pretending to be interested....

ansa with 'hows get fu***d sound'?

KateC's picture

Yep, you all give such good advice.

We don't have a good relationship with her. She has a lot of bitterness and resentment built up, which basically has to do with her own unhappy situation. Not our fault.

I don't think hubby will be in favor of her dropping by, but he may ask me how I feel about it. His usual feeling is that she's continually trying to market herself as the "superior" parent, wants to be in-charge and call all the shots when it comes to their daughter.

This is a daddy-daughter night and I just don't think she has any reason to horn in on their time together.

Thanks for the responses!

flynner101's picture

depending on how old the child is, i would ask how she felt about it. would it make her happy or uncomfortable?, how do you all get along together? it might be a positive step in the right direction for you all when you show yr support on th matter. its a tricky one.

liks's picture

Hmmmm......BM SM and DH together in a room with a child? I was told by a judge once....'we really couldnt care less about parents and exes anymore...dont care what they want....these days we only care whats in the best interest of the child.....

in other words.....leave a 2 year old to play on the floor with broken glass....they are likely to get cut....so

take the possible danger away...and you can be sure you wont cause any issues for the child.

not fair asking a child to make such a decision....too hard for an adult to have to ansa...let alone a child...

But, I could be wrong...just giving advice from what I think is a no win for anyone situation.