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Phone call insanity!

KateC's picture

What would you say about a BM who feels it is her RIGHT to call your house as often as she likes when SD 10 is there?

We basically have SD for a 24 hour period (at a time). When BM calls she keeps SD on the phone for 15 or 20 minutes before DH has to ask SD to get off the phone. Then, 1 hour later, SD is asking to call her mom AGAIN and AGAIN. DH will respond- you may call your mother ONCE. SD will respond that BM has told her she can call as many times as she wants. Really?? Who makes the rules in our house? US or BM?

There is NO emergency going on other than BM being irrational & interfering & wanting to control everything!!!! She tells DH that he is being emotionally abusive to SD by not allowing repeated phone calls in one evening. We feel that BM is the one being emotionally abusive, disrupting the flow in our home with her repeated phone calls, getting SD all worked up over not being able to make 3 or 4 phone calls to BM in one evening. It is so stressful for everyone!

We cannot get BM to understand or be respectful so we have to do things like turn the ringer off on the house phone. Then BM will blow up the cell phone.

We see our counselor in 2 weeks, but can anyone offer any words of advice or comfort for the time being?

skylarksms's picture

Don't answer the phone. If it is a real emergency, she can leave a message.

Any sane mother who has a child with a competent father should NOT have a problem going 24 hours without talking to their child.

Do you have a CO in place? If so, what does it say about telephonic access to the child?

VioletsareBlue's picture


Unfreakingreal's picture

I have Cablevision. I blocked all incoming calls at my home from BM. She is NOT under any circumstances allowed to call MY house. She can call her sons cellphone or my DH's cellphone. My house phone is off limits.

LRP75's picture

Ohhh... the BM of my skids gave them a cell phone. It was like the BM was standing in our living room, dictating everything that went on with our house after that. How? Because the SD would call her mother every 10 minutes to complain about how she "hated it at our house" and we are "so mean to her" and that we are "abusing her."

You know, such mean abuse as asking her to wipe up the milk she spilled on the counter or to close the refrigerator door when she's done getting something.

Yeah. THAT was a "fun" time. Not.

We ended up having to take the cell phone away, because the BM was interfering with EVERYTHING in our home.

If I had to hear, "But my MOM says..." one more time, I was going to lose my mind.

Kilgore SMom's picture

We don't have to let ss talk on the phone because we have a sv order and the conversation between Bm and SS are suppose to be monitored. At one time it was and we just turned of the ringer. That was when ss was small. The older the skids the harder that would be to do. In a normal situation I would say that if the child is only gone 24 hours it shouldn't be necessary. However, I'm not sure what would happen if Bm decide to take it to court. I've only heard of out of state or military people getting court order phone time.

herewegoagain's picture

Crazy witch did this years ago...everytime my DH had his daughter, she would call to ask some stupid question or talk to her...mind you, DH was not allowed to call his daughter for the two weeks straight he didn't see her...So, we got an answering machine, put the volume low, so that we couldn't even hear it ringing and just checked it throughout the day...we canceled the cell phones too. End of discussion. She stopped.

LRP75's picture


Now THAT'S what I'm talking about right there.

My DH can call his kids all week and never be allowed to talk to them. He can even call the cell phone the BM bought the kids and not get through to them. Why? Because that cell phone is only for when they are at OUR house.


KateC's picture

There is nothing in the CO about phone calls. BM has brought up this fact saying- You can't legally limit my phone calls to our daughter.

And really, it isn't even a 24 hour period in total. DH gets SD after school around 5pm and takes her to school at 8am the next morning. When you factor in her 8:30 bedtime, we're talking about 3.5 hours with multiple phone calls taking place.

Thank you for all the advice!!! The difficult thing is- BM has convinced SD that DH is being cruel by not allowing her to repeatedly phone her mom. She will cry until DH relents. He has to stop doing that!

skylarksms's picture

He DEFINITELY has to stop doing that. Because SD is manipulating him with tears to get what she wants. And guess what, buddy? It won't stop at phone calls to her mother.

LRP75's picture

I can attest to the validity of this statement. My skids (SD and SS 10 twins) are so manipulative and mean to their father (my DH)... that it just gets worse and worse. He is only now beginning to put his foot down, but the damage is done. The are horrible people to be around. They treat everyone like that.

Well... almost everyone. I don't put up with it. }:)

KateC's picture

Isn't that the truth. We've had a long discussion about it and he definitely agrees with me in theory. Now to get him to follow thru with action!

B22S22's picture

My DH has his kids every Sat afternoon to Sun afternoon. BM used to call INCESSANTLY. Didn't matter if we were here, out and about, or on vacation! AT least 8 calls a day, each day.

I figure if DH wanted to deal with it, she needed to ONLY call his cell phone and NOT the home phone. That way, he'd get tired of his cell phone ringing... he puts it on the charger in the kitchen, so would have to get up to answer it (I absolutely won't touch it if it's her).

He finally told her to knock it off, especially after she called a couple times in the wee hours of the morning *drunk* insisting on speaking with them because she didn't get to tell them "good night"

Now they're older and have cell phones. I'm assuming she calls them directly.

hismineandours's picture

Our bm used to think she could call MY house anytime she liked and *I* had to speak to her whenever she demanded. She was not calling to speak to ss-ever. She was calling to talk to ME!!! She felt since her son lived in our home that she had the right to call anytime she liked-midnight, 7am, if I didnt answer the phone the first time-she'd call over and over again. One day she called about 30 times in an hour. Believe me when I say I nipped that shit in the bud and told her NEVER to call me again-that I had nothing to say to her about anything-she still tried to stand there and tell me it was in our state guidelines that I had to speak to her. I laughed at her and told her she was a nut if she thought the state guidelines said anything about a stepparent being told they must answer the phone and have a conversation with the bm anytime she likes.