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Not wanting to be intimate

how2step's picture

Is it normal to loss your desire for intimacy with your significant other after you find out their ex had been over at their house that same day and they failed to mention it to you? ( you found out when their child had mentioned it)

MurphysLaw's picture


I rather imagine my SO would not  feel up to it, as his peas & carrot would be ripped from his person

futurobrillante99's picture

YES. Totally unacceptable to have the ex in the house an "not mention it."

Pay close attention. If your SO dismisses your feelings, he may be playing games and wanting to create jealousy.

susanm's picture

In all seriousness, what is it going to take for you to see that you are the only one actually in this relationship?  Walking in on her in bed with the ex?  Overhearing her on the phone with a friend talking about how she is using you for your money?  Finding out that she is even more in debt than you know now?  I don't mean to sound harsh but you sound terribly unhappy every time you post.  Is there any happiness here?   I would think deeply about why you are willing to settle for someone who is obviously not what you want and why you are paying such a high price for her.

Cbarton12's picture

Don't you regularly post about your SO having the ex in the house?? Forgive me if it's not you. 

It seems clear there are serious boundary issues. And if you are constantly questioning this relationship, maybe it's not the right one for you. 

Harry's picture

Makes you the bad persons.  Because it was just for the kids You have to be the understanding person

flmomma08's picture

Well yeah. I can't be intimate with someone I don't trust. The desire just isn't there.

What is her reasoning for having ex in the house and not telling you about it?

how2step's picture

Her reasoning was she forgot to mention it. Yes she forgot to mention her ex was over at her house having dinner that day even though we talekd hours later that evening.

flmomma08's picture

Having dinner together? No.... that is completely inappropriate and she didn't forget to tell you about it.

how2step's picture

I have to agree with you on this. What is she hiding? At the very minimum she is hiding an emotional affair. 

Rags's picture

Any number of things can kill intimacy.  Including what you describe.   My XW tried to sleep with me far more often after she filed for divorce than  she ever did while we were married.  Fortunately I was immune to her efforts and I escaped without polluting my gene pool with that cavern crotched adulterous skank whore.