Married to their their children
A recurring dynamic when extended families are blended is that a divorced spouse may maintain closer emotional ties with children of a prior marriage than with an adult partner in a current relationship.
The dynamic sometimes starts when the first family falls apart. Children whose parental duo falls apart may attempt role reversal, trying to parent one or the other of their parents. As these children age into their adult years, they may turn the parent-to-my(mommy/daddy) into spouse to my (mommy/daddy). As such they may create tenuous intimacy with the parent, while using that access to encourage the parent to forsake or marginalize their more proper adult relationships.
These aren't intimate bonds in the physical sense. The dynamic involves social and personal roles that otherwise form the substance of personal intimacy.
Have others had this experience? Encountered this dynamic?
Does your spouse spend more time talking with adult children than with you? Are some topics - especially about emotions, feelings or relationships -- off limits between you and your spouse, while such topics are daily fodder for conversation between your spouse and stepkids?
Your best bet is to stop
Your best bet is to stop competing with her children for her attention and affections.
First you won't win and will undoubtedly end this relationship in divorce if you try hard enough.
Second she has room in her heart for all of you, you don't need to be a "specialist" in one or more areas of her emotions.
You're the second husband, take what is given, understand that what isn't is not yours to have. Don't try and control her. Live parallel lives if necessary and let her maintain whatever emotional ties she needs.
OC, I have been worried about
OC, I have been worried about you. Where have you been?
OC, you describe one version
OC, you describe one version of this dynamic, but not necessarily one with which I have direct experience. Parallel lives won't work when I skid dictates who and how mother should conduct her other personal relationships.
Is that what you did in your experience? Did you -- or someone you know -- succeed ny letting skids be your parent and the spouse of your mate?