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New and needing to vent..

finding my happy place's picture

2 years Ive been in a relationship with a man who has the * ex wife* and two sons, ages 8 and 15. Its just been ridiculous. The ex, has issues. she had issues when they were married which apparently made her feel the need to cheat and is with one of the guys that she carried on with in the 13 yr joke of a marriage they had..starting off with the pregnancy game to GET married.
What makes me angry is the court system.. how a low class cheater can enable herself into the puppet master role, win a house she barely financially helped with, have her credit debt be paid off , and have total control in how the ridiculous parenting schedule plays out..oops and i forgot .. free cash.. i mean * child support * and the court system doesnt give a rats ass about being fair and just.
She in turn, sold the house and hit the jackpot in doing so..decides she needs an new Escalade, massages, resort weekends because she is soo busy and stressed.. doing nothing, and recently went to Mexico for 5 days with a *gf* who is a known cheater as well. She has been living with one of the guys she was screwing around with during her marriage, altho she denies it but theres lots of proof.. and this fool was married too!He has two children also,who we hear have terrible manners and are very disrespectful. Go figure..

Something i read kind of covered A LOT if what is involved when it comes to this so called mother.. read below.. this was something i found on the internet - i didnt write it but it hit on many , not all but damn near all issues that im dealing with.. how about you?

Whatever the decisions were to end the marriage there seems to a number of first wives who have unresolved issues, we have discovered a familiar pattern into which a bitter ex-wife's behaviour falls: BEP ~ Bitter Ex-wife Pattern.

Most of our members have experienced some or all of these problems:

Ex-wife seeks to control ex-husband's time with their children.

Ex-wife dictates who should/shouldn't be around the children, ex- wife may seek to have 2nd wife, girlfriend, grandparents excluded.

Ex-wife to make child contact as difficult as possible - offer the children up for contact when she knows the ex-husband is working then accuse him of being an uncaring father when he can't see them at short notice.

Ex-wife insists she will not do any driving on contact days.

Ex-wife using the children to send messages to ex-husband and his family.

Ex-wife bad mouth ex-husband/wife/girlfriend/family and make children repeat it.

Ex-wife makes young children aware of court action, CSA etc.,

Ex-wife ridiculing ex-husband in front of the children and encouraging them to do the same.

Ex-wife tells the children they don't have to listen to their father.

Ex-wife insists on calling the children on their mobile phone while they are supposed to be relaxing and enjoying their time with their father yet blocks any calls ex-husband may make to the children.

Ex-wife refuses to give children privacy when their father calls to speak to them; she will listen to the call and coach the child in what to say.

Ex-wife insisting the children call there father by his first name and to call her new boyfriend 'Dad'.

Ex-wife enrols anyone who will listen to her into her hate ex-husband campaign.

Ex-wife gives no priority to ex-husband's time with the children and will organise an activity without discussing with their father.

Ex-wife to make verbal agreements so arrangements are made in advance and then claim it’s not in the court order so it won't happen.

Ex-wife refuses to abide by the court order and considers herself above it all, doesn’t matter how it affects the children.

Ex-wife refuses to 'allow' ex-husband to have any part in the children's education.

Ex-wife blocks ex-husband's attempts to have contact with schools, doctors and dentist.

Ex-wife lies to education authorities telling them her ex-husband is a bad person and that he should be excluded at all costs.

Ex-wife claims everything is the ex-husbands fault and she was totally blameless throughout the marriage.

Ex-wife had affairs during the marriage yet acts like a woman scorned when ex-husband gets on with his life without her.

Ex-wife lies about situations in the marriage and dates.

Ex-wife spying on ex-husband's new girlfriend/wife, hang around his home, and make nuisance phone calls.

Ex-wife obsessed with ex-husband's new life, wife and/or girlfriend.

Ex-wife engages the services of a Private Detective to spy on ex-husband and his new partner.

Ex-wife makes false claims of abuse of the children by ex-husbands new partner.

Ex-wife will claim at every opportunity her ex-husbands partner/wife is unfit to be around 'her' children.

Ex-wife makes false accusations about ex-husband harassing her.

Ex-wife makes false accusations of ex-husband beating her although she can't back this up with any evidence and her friends have never heard her mention this.

Ex-wife writes long waffling letters using solicitor’s terminology because she believes she has legal training due to the fact she spends so much time in their company.

Ex-wife claims the ex-husband is bad father because he doesn't pay enough money.

Ex-wife belittles presents given to the children by their father/his wife/his girlfriend/his family.

Ex-wife destroys presents given to the children by their father.

Ex-wife thinks she is entitled to most of the ex-husbands money.

Ex-wife enrols the help of her latest boyfriend to threaten and intimidate ex-husband.

Ex-wife has 'playing the victim' down to a fine art.

Ex-wife destroys all ex-husbands personal belongings she can get her hands on.

Ex-wife destroys family photos in front of children.

Ex-wife never questioned ex-husband's ability to be a good father and to care for the children by himself until they were divorced when he became totally unreliable and couldn't be trusted with the children unless she gives him a complete list of dos and don'ts.

Ex-wife refuses to acknowledge she has a problem and seek professional treatment for her problems such as paranoia, poor self image, anger...

And finally.....

Ex-wife claims she is always reasonable and all the problems are caused by her ex-husband!

Allyceson's picture

Wow, I think my hubby's ex hit almost every single one of those. That's creepy, isn't it- that their behavior is so predictable. Kinda laughable. Almost makes me want to send the list to her annonymously and write out all the examples of when she did those things, and has continued to. Ahhhh, that sounds like too much work, though. I'll have to be content with knowing that the mere fact that I'm alive and with my husband and there's nothing she can do about it makes her want to vomit on a daily basis....
LOL
Great post! Smile

finding my happy place's picture

Ahh.. i am laughing at your response too.. even tho these are legit pains we feel.. its good to know someone else knows what you are talking about and it IS comical on some level.. and i think you HAVE to laugh at some of it or you will go insane. I told bf that im going to keep posting about her ridiculous crap and send her the link in about a year to read about her stupid self Blum 3 hugs!

Allyceson's picture

That would be funny. Especially since you wouldn't be the only one posting about what a nut job she is. I think you're right- you have to laugh. I know I try to find the silver lining in everything- usually the silver lining in anything having to do with the ex means when she's made herself look like an a** , again. After I first started dating my husband, she was constantly sending cops over to my house. He did this, he did that, I want the kids back at this time and he won't do it. Such stupid stuff, I can't believe they didn't tell her they weren't her lackeys. But I digress. Anyway, she tried to tell me that the cops at my house all the time was my fault because of the company I was keeping. To which I responded "Oh, you mean the same company you kept for six years? Is that what you mean? You're a bright one." Surprisingly, nothing to say. All I can do is look at my husband and ask "You really married THAT?"

Anonymous's picture

So, here's what I deal with...15 years of my husband's ex - whom constantly insists there is a problem with his relationship with his kids. Over the years, the daughter now 20 has parroted her mother - only and always pointing out what he DOESN'T do as a father and never what he DOES do. Several times has asked the 16 yr old if he has a problem with him as a dad-kid says no, but mother insists they have no relationship. We live in a different state, so that is hard.But when we did live in the same state, he was an awesome dad and has tried to continue that best he can by long distance. This last week I have been introduced to Parental Alienation Syndrome- absolute jaw dropping similiarites and exact quotes of this ex. My main question is for 15 years, she sends pictures of the kids to my husband and ALWAYS manages to stick one or two of herself with them in there. It has become such a joke in this house -I almost feel embarrassed for the idiot. I would love to figure out something to just make her feels SO stupid for doing this, but don't know what or how without her thinking I'm jealous - which I'm not - just wouldn't want her to have the satisfaction of whatever it is she's doing. My sister suggested sending a Curves certificate with a note saying looks like she could use it. Any ideas? I told my husband, she's giving us normal ex-wives a bad reputation-lol

ldvilen's picture

That's her way of marking her territory:  "15 years, she sends pictures of the kids to my husband and ALWAYS manages to stick one or two of herself with them in there."  She does that for the same reason my puppy always pisses twice on the post closest to our home--she wants to make sure all the other dogs know she is the top dog around, and the best way to do that is make your smell the strongest.  She wants to get in his face and yours too and rub it in.

Sounds primitive, but true.  However, if you bring that up to her (or DH) she'll just say that she simply wants to give him nice pictures of the kids, and she just happens to be in one or two.  You'll be considered a jealous, Evil SM of course, for even bringing it up.

Am I the only one who reads that list and thinks how incredibly stupid any woman must be who would put up with that shiatsu!?  I mean, only one of those items on the list is way more than any woman should be expected to put up with just for the sake of marrying some man, whom you may happen to love beyond belief but even at that is it worth it?  My hand is raised too!!  I did so just like everyone else.  God, how snowballed we all were.  You have BM running around doing all of the above, and we, as SMs are told, "Just be nice to the kids and it'll all work out."   (Insert demonic laugh.)

All you can do 5, 10, 15, 20+ years down the road is disengage and laugh, truly.  That's another reason to disengage, I guess.  It's putting society's idea of a bad joke back on them.

RLZ0073's picture

Is to run away from all that. You'll have to put up with it FOREVER...

believe me, I've made the mistake. Run and save yourself!

1wonder woman's picture

Sounds exactly like my SO's ex-wife... except for the past four years we just found out his ex-wife put her kid up to using her cell phone as a way to spy on us when the kid is with her Dad.  We recently busted the kid doing live video chats with her mom behind our backs.  We found out this has been going on four years... The kid would be on a live video chat and her mom would put her cell phone down so the screen would turn black so we thought the kids phone was turned off and so on the kids cell phone since she was on live video chat with her Mom she was able to hear and seeing exactly what we were doing and talking about. We were clueless to all of this... Plus the kid also was put up to recording her time with us behind our backs when her mom was unavailable to do a live video chats and the kid would send her the videos and she took photos too. Since we busted the kid and we found out what all her mom was putting her up to doing we now take her phone away the second we pick her up. So what does his ex do next she buys her daughter a smart watch to spy on us... the kid would put her mom on walkie talkie and the whole time she was listening in on our conversations once again spying on us behind our backs. Now no more smart watch! No wonder the kid suffers from anxiety when she is with us. Talk about a crazy ex-wife she is plum crazy alright!! 

I am sure there is even more that goes on that we are unaware of... I can only imagine.  Some days I just wanna run far far away. What we have to put up with is uncalled for!