Letting your kids control you.
So my step son is three years old and my husband let’s him do WHATEVER HE WANTS. It’s ridiculous. The other day he was letting my step son and my newphew both 3 jump on my stepsons bed. I told my husband that’s an awful idea. Dresser is wobbly and can fall over, they will bonk heads, and not to mention my other son is in their with them and he’s much smaller. He thinks it’s okay for them to do this. He doesn’t get my point with it. My step son has started jumping on my couches my bed and my husband just lets him do It. My step son also puts his big car that he can fit in on the couch and gets in it and drives on the couch and when I ask my husband to tell him not to do that he’s like “why not?” Obviously because it’s going to damage our furniture. Not to mention he does this shut when we’re at other people’s houses. He thinks it’s okay and it drives me nuts. I’m beginning to see we have two very different parenting styles and it sucks!! He lets my step son get away with everything. He’s a bit of an emotional kid. He will throw toys at my baby boy and step on his finger and my husband never yells at him. I tell him not to but he doesn’t get disciplined. I told him to put the toys away the other day because he dumped all of them out and didn’t even play with them and he ran away and started crying. I told my husband he needs to clean them up and he said “he’s sad I’m just going to give him the iPad. Can’t it wait?” He’s being manipulative. He knows if he cries he won’t have to do anything. And I’m fucking sick of it. Teach your kid some manners for gods sake. Kids going to grow up to be a little shit. Am I being unreasonable or?
I think you know you're not
I think you know you're not being unreasonable.
Kids need repetative, pretty much constant reminders and/or redirection until they're around 4-5 years old, than they seem to get it and stop needing you to be on them all the time. At least, in my experience, that's the case. The things he's allowing is ridiculous and unsafe. Eventually, his kid will end up REAL sad in the hospital from an accident that could have been prevented.
You're not being unreasonable
You're not being unreasonable at all! I also have a 3 year old ss and he is a nightmare!!! I've never seen a kid so out of control in my life but his dad will not discipline him, fucking disney dads are the WORST!!! My baby girl is 6 months and honestly I don't even want her around him to learn his horrible behaviors. The kid just drives me up the wall, I started telling my DH that I'm disengaging from dealing with him. If he doesn't want to parent, I sure as hell am not gonna do it for him!!
I'm assuming DH is also the father of the 11 month old?
How is it that he thinks it is ok for SS3 to step on the finger of BS11? It does not matter what DH does, you need to take direct action when something like that happens. You need to protect your son from SS and never leave them alone together.
Did you notice this lack of parenting on your DH's part before you had a child with him?
Maybe some parenting classes
Maybe some parenting classes are in order - for both of you. There is no reason to yell at a 3 yr old. There are so many other tools available. Distraction. Removal. etc. There is also a need to draw boundaries. The jumping etc is not ok, especially if one of the parents in the house doesn't think it's ok.
Hope he doesn't mind visiting
Hope he doesn't mind visiting his son in juvenile detention when he's 15. This is flat out neglect of his child's needs, and there will be even worse consequences down the road.
Your H comes across like he's
Your H comes across like he's a child himself. Asking you why not? Where is his common sense when you see two children jumping on the bed.....does it not click that perhaps they can fall and hurt themselves? I'd start to question his mental capacity and his ability to care for children.
Same situation here
SS6 is never told off for anything. Bf literally lets him do whatever he wants because “he wants his weekends with us to be fun”. He spends most of his time playing computer games and stays up until midnight, sometimes 1 am, only eats like three different foods so we have to plan meals around corn dogs, cheeseburgers, and pizza, jumps all over the furniture, refuses to pick up anything, and bf lets him pick wtf we are doing for the day.