Katrinkie said it right
I feel like the ISO (insignificant other) too. I feel like the only time I really see BF is when SD9 is there. When she's not, we'll hang out ourselves or with his friends but then a lot of times that turns into me coming home and him staying out & sleeping at his buddy's house. We have not had any real quality time to ourselves in months. I've always been really cool about him doing his thing - snowboarding, golfing, etc. but maybe I've given him too much freedom. Last night he went over to his friends house to pick up his money from winning fantasy football. He said he was going to hang out for a bit. I told him I could meet him over there but he obviously didn't want me to go. Whatever. I went to bed b/c I'm working today and I woke up at 3:30am & he wasn't home. So of course I'm worried sick. Went & got my phone & there was a message from him saying that he would be staying there. Of course I don't want him driving drunk but why does he feel the need to spend time with everyone but me? I really feel like I'm an outsider and my BF is slipping away and I don't know what to do about it. I'm just really sad...
I am sorry you are feeling
I am sorry you are feeling this way. Couples NEED "alone time". Have you talked to DH about how you feel? Sometimes men really just don't get it.
My advice to you is to do YOUR thing. When he wants to go out with his buddies, instead of going home, go out with YOUR friends. When SD9 comes over, go get a pedicure, see a movie, just do something else. I know SD9 isn't the problem but maybe DH sees that time with SD9 as quality time with you also. Maybe if you don't spend time with them together, he will make quality time just for you?
I also wanted to voice my opinion about staying out all night. I don't like that and won't allow it. I am all about DH doing his own thing, but if he comes home after 2:30am, he is in TROUBLE, lol. I understand the drinking and driving thing, but there are cabs (at least where I live).
"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus
Unfortunately we don't have
Unfortunately we don't have cabs here. He tried riding a bike home once but I told him he's not allowed to do that anymore. Too hilly and too snowy & I don't need to find him frozen to death in a ditch. We're so similar in a lot of ways but SO different in others. I'm not exactly miss social butterfly. He needs his friends, which I get but don't at the same time. I love being alone which is good because I don't have any friends of my own here and don't really need them.
I've told him several times lately that I feel like I don't ever get to see him to which his response is "You see me all the time". He's clueless and I hate feeling needy like I am now but he needs to suck it up and spend some quality time with me if this is going to work.
"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".
Yeah, we are lucky about the
Yeah, we are lucky about the cabs thing. I traveled once for work and found out really quickly that cabs aren't everywhere, lol.
Are you guys in counseling or anything? You do need to spend time together. Maybe make a set night. Tell him that every Saturday night is COUPLE night and that he can see his friends any other night other than COUPLES night? I know it sounds ridiculous, but maybe its worth a shot?
"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus
I guess it's worth a shot. I
I guess it's worth a shot. I think I'm slowly getting to the point where I'm too tired to try anymore. Why is it that we get bitchy because we're not getting what we need from the relationshiop but they don't see it? All they see is the bitchiness.
"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".
I think you should tell BF
I think you should tell BF what is bothering you. I usually don't care that FH goes out and hangs with buddies, but, he doesn't do it all the time and he comes home. I would be LIVID if he decided to crash on someone's couch.
Agree with the others about
Agree with the others about the crashing thing. DH and I have an agreement that if one of us wants to go out and drink with friends then the other will come out to drive home. I'd much rather drive out to get him somewhere when the bars close down at 2:00 than worry about him getting home. We do have cabs here but it can take an hour or more to get one.
I disagree with your
I disagree with your assessment that I am a "patsy". I don't feel the need to keep BF on any kind of leash nor am I interested in controlling him. We both trust each other and he would have no problem whatsoever with me staying somewhere if I went out and had too good of a time. As a matter of fact, he was really cool about my very good friend (who I happened to date for almost a year back in the day) staying at our house for a night when he was here visiting his father. Does that make him a patsy? I'm not going to tell him what to do any more than he would tell me what to do. I think you're mischaracterizing the situation and escalating into "he walks all over you all the time" when that's just not true. I probably made it out to be worse than it actually is just because I was extra annoyed that day. Having said that, that doesn't mean that either of us have free reign to do whatever the hell we want. He always checks with me and it's my choice to say that it's fine. Normally, I don't care whatsoever, and in fact I enjoy the time to myself. I was just annoyed the other day since we've had SD so much lately that I feel like we hadn't had any time to ourselves and him staying at friend and friend's wife house rubbed me the wrong way. We did spend the entire weekend together and I'm feeling very good about where we are right now.
"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".
Wow - I got a little pissy
Wow - I got a little pissy there, didn't I?
"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".