You are here

Dh invites guests on today's mini vacation and doesn't tell me

step off already's picture

I'm so angry! My friend gave us her three bedroom time share condo in Tahoe this weekend at the las minute. We don't have the kids so it was just going to be us and baby. We tried inviting another couple with a baby but they had plans.

Dh says we can hang out with his friend that lives up there and his wife. (I've met the friend a total of two times for less than 30 minutes each). I'm thinking that that means we'll meet for dinner, they'll show us their favorite spots, etc... As it usually does when you are visiting a town someone lives in.

Last night we get into a fight because he keeps talking about all the things he's planning on doing - partying, golfing, playing with his friend. And I'm like, "um are "we" going on this trip or is this a party trip with your friend?" I tell him he's really hurting my feelings. I tell him to plan a boys trip if he'd like one but that's not what we are doing this weekend. He apologizes. End if story. Or so I think.

We are about to leave this morning and dh says, "friend is wondering whether they need to bring sheets". I think he is joking because he is a joker and likes to try and get me. He's not joking. He literally invited his friend and the wife (whom I've never met) to go on our alone weekend. I'm livid. I told him he can fix this now. He can go by himself. Or I'll go without him.

I left and am getting the oil changed.

So incredibly pissed right now!


step off already's picture

And this is on top of him having bm's sister stay with us next weekend. Yes, it's her younger sister, yes she's "nothing like" bm. But I've never met her before. I have 5 kids, a job, two nights of play performances for the kids, a birthday party and am starting a new job next week ...and she still doesn't know when she's flying in.

Shaman29's picture

I am seeing a trend here with men in general.

What is up with them living by the "It's better to seek forgiveness than to ask permission." credo??

What part of mini-vacation alone did he NOT understand.

step off already's picture

Thank you. I'm so pissed right now. But still questioning, should I just be a gracious host?

QueenBeau's picture

Absolutely not. You should not have to be a host on vacation. Tell your DH he needs to tell them they are not coming immediately. If not? He won't be coming & you & the baby can go & relax

step off already's picture

Thanks. I told dh to fix it or I'd be going by myself. I'm sitting here getting the oil changed while baby sleeps. Just wondering if I'm a bitch and pms is overtaking me.

He kept saying, "but we invited the first couple".

And I'm like, "yes WE did. And WE know them. WE didn't invite your friend and his wife."

I'm seriously about to cry (pms) so want to make sure I'm not freakingg out - which I know I am - so I just want to make sure I'm not unjustly freaking out.

FTMandSM's picture

WTH?? BM's sister is staying with you guys? There is no way in hell that would ever happen. And you don't get an alone weekend. I wouldn't go. I'd tell him, since you are so concerned about spending time with you friends and not me, baby and I are staying and spending time together. Thanks for ruining a great weekend, ahole.

hereiam's picture

I would be really, really pissed and probably not go.

And BM's sister staying with you? I take it you were not in on this decision, either?

He is making decisions as if he were single.

step off already's picture

The while bm sister thing is partially my fault because I gave in stating she could stay with us for a portion of the time she's here during ss's bday. She's supposed to arrive some time next week for the weekend. But she still doesn't have her tickets and doesn't seem to understand or care that we have busy lives and FIvE kids we are managing.

How can we even plan when it is less than a week out.

step off already's picture

Thank you!!!

Yes, I agreed to meet up with them or hang out with them but I surely did NOT invite strangers to stay in my home on a romantic weekend with baby in tow.

Not the Brady Bunch's picture

^^^What she said^^^^ Except tell him to UNINVITE his ex-sister-in-law! I would freak. Tell him not his friends who you don't really know at your gracious friend's place! Too bad. He needs to spend time with you, You, YOU! BM's sister staying? Oh no way!

godess-clueless's picture

Step off already---I read your post , and wondered about how many other areas in your life with DH you find your assets, your time or the connection with your friends and family being used by him for his advantage.

There are some people in this world that always have a knack for getting the " atta boys" by using other people's resources. It often comes in the form of one partner loaning money to friends or their children when they do not have it to loan. The new spouse is uneasy about creating a scene and the new spouse ends up covering the loan. New spouse just doesn't get any credit.

There are people who are very talented at thinking " What's yours is mine" then feel entitled to make decisions that give their self the appearance of generosity. Easy to be generous and get a pat on the back when using what is someone else's.

I remember the day I put a stop to this behavior many years ago. The situations were just getting bolder and bolder.
"Do not start what you do not want to be expected to continue"