Interesting co-parent relationship
I've read so many posts and blogs about difficult and downright awful co-parenting relationships. They really seem to be the norm when dealing with blended families. My situation dealing with a BM has been rather unpleasant. We have done a few joint birthday parties were everything seems great. Then later we find out they were crafted with ulterior motives (changing visitation, asking to relocate). When BM's plan didn't work out she would go crazy and make life hell for the next few months. For the sake of discussion, I wanted to talk about my BIL's co-parenting dynamic.
My BIL has such an interesting relationship with his ex. Initially and for a few years after the divorce they absolutely despised eachother. However, they soon became involved again intimately and would have regular threesomes together with other women. That fizzled out and they went back to hating eachother.
Fast forward BIL and his ex are remarried both with more children. Within the past year and a half they have became extremely close again. While I think it is great that they have a decent relationship for the kids, it just blows my mind how close they all are.
SIL and his ex are best friends, like joined at the hip. They are together just about everyday and take care of each other's kids. BIL and the new husband also hang out together all the time. They also have involvement in eachother's finances as well which seems very odd to me.
They spend every holiday together which I think is a really great thing for the kids. But then they also live at eachother's house on the weekends. They only live about 15 minutes away from eachother but all 14 of them will reside in the same house Friday night until Sunday around noon almost every weekend.
My SIL is a doormat and does everything her husband's ex tells her to do. She didn't like the ex at first but now she's like head over heels obsessed. She was a completely different person when we met her but soon morphed into a mini version of my BIL. She had plans to have her family over for a get together a few weekends ago but BIL made her cancel her plans because he wanted them to go to his ex wife's house to stay with them.
Has anyone else heard of co-parenting relationships that were this close? What are your opinions? Would you trade your co-parenting relationship for one like this? Seems so weird/ borderline uncomfortable to me but hey maybe it's good for the kids?
It is not
It is not good for the kids. That's how my stbx and his ex wife and I were. It is confusing and blurs boundaries and there must be more feelings involved on either or both their ends.
I don't really understand why
I don't really understand why people get divorced if they want to spend this much time together.
I think "weird" is the word
I think "weird" is the word you really meant?
Sounds like they have their own little cult going "for the kids".
Sounds like some kind of
Sounds like some kind of polyamory situation. Not for me but if all adults involved are into it, good for them. I just hope your SIL isn't being pressured to do things she doesn't want to do. I also wonder if it will have any effect on the kids, especially if they all break up. Like, will it be twice as hard as a regular divorce since there are 4 of them?
My husband believes that is
My husband believes that is what's going on 100%. I personally am not sure. I don't know how they could hide the whole thing from all the kids. Between the 4 of them they have 10 kids ranging from 15 to 1. I feel like the older kids would catch on. The rest of our family and SIL's family thinks it is an amazing situation and everyone else should model their co-parenting relationship this way. I think it would be great to be on good terms but their situation is too close.
Yeah that is a concern. They all hated eachother a few years ago, something like that could happen again. The kids that are not related are told they are cousins and my in-laws/ SIL's parents are their grandparents and so on and so forth. It seems like this weird family tree of nonsense.
Who says they are hiding
Who says they are hiding anything from the kids? These people sound nuts!!
Well my niece and nephew are
Well my niece and nephew are loud mouths and something like that they would immediately be telling the world.
In our situation atleast...
In our situation atleast... DH and I viewed BMs attempts at "co-parenting" to weasel her way back to him. She would claim she needed a phone call to "discuss SD" and "get on the same parenting page". These phone calls always ended up to her telling DH how much she missed him, all the mistakes she made, missed her family, yadayada. She would claim she wanted to "co-parent" and start attending counseling. Turns out she was only interested in counseling for SD if DH was involved (attending all sessions, and appts, etc.)
Not always, but I feel A LOT of the time, people use the word "co-parenting" as an excuse to be overly invloved with an ex and cross boundaries. Usually this is when feelings are still involved on one side. Nothing wrong with REAL co-parenting, thiis is just my experience.
I have a coworker that had 2
I have a coworker that had 2 children with 2 different men. Her ex would hang out with youngest kid's dad. Kinda odd they ended up being buddies, right? Turns out they were doing meth together.
These kids are going to be so
These kids are going to be so F'd up.
smh
Your SIL needs to tell you BIL and his X to F off, take her kids and leave,
Holy Crapola
Weird weird super weird
I dont get it but whatever floats their boats. Except the kids will be f*cked up. They wont hold relationships well. They will think they can have an heir and a spare.
Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction. At least thats the case in stephole.
Since it's known that they
Since it's known that they engaged in threesomes previously, it's fair to guess they might be intimately involved again involving other people and perhaps new spouses are in it with them. That's the life style they lead. Since that's their life style it's likely they chose new spouses who are also into this kind of thing. Not my cup of tea but that's how other people live. I don't think it's good for the kids but it's possible they don't know the details. There are as many life styles as there are people.
Nasty.
Though I suppose it might be entertaining to ask my XW's geriatric Fortune 500 executive sugar/baby daddy how my d!(& tastes. I never slept with her while they dated during our marriage.... or he could ask me the same thing.
There are some advantages to having a passionless marriage when your spouse is a cheating whore.