Yes you can enjoy your skids, you can even grow to love them. But your DH has to be a hell of a husband and father, for it work, and even then there will be shaky times ahead. There must be repect in your home, and the rules must be followed. Your DH is the one who must enforce the family rules.

I have been with my DH over 5 1/2 yrs now. I can say I love and like his kids. I can't stand Crazo and loath the sound of her name because she is vile to the core.

This is what I believe has to happen. It is working for us:

Your DH has to stop all communication with the piece of crap he was married to, except via text. He never answers her calls no exceptions. You block her from your number and take no communication from her at all, no exceptions. He does the drop off an pick ups. Not your kids, not your problem/responsibility. You do not change the schedule at all. It is rock solid. Your skids are old enough to communicate with their father.

I can tell you if you do this it will cut down on the drama big time.

Crazo still rants, raves, fusses and cusses via text, and she still calls, it always goes to vm. MY DH doesn't respond to her text or vm, unless she is needing an answer about something dealing with the skids. medical, school, etc.

My Mantra

1. I am a emptynester stepparent. My stepchildren have two involved parents. I don’t need to take on a parenting role.
I already parented mine.

2. I am a wife first, parent second, and a stepparent third. I like me and I will create time and space for myself.

3. I am a mom. And I will spend time with my adult, independent, happy daughter when I want. Your children do not come before my daughter.

4. My husband chose his former wife to be his children's mother. He must take responsibility for the consequences of that choice for himself and his children.

5. Whatever dynamic exists between my husband and his former wife does not involve me. They must work together for their children's benefit.

6. I will be kind to my stepchildren. I will support my husband in his role as their dad. I will contribute – on my own terms.

Good luck!! We have not chosen an easy path.

I enjoy being around my Stepson most of the time. I do love him and I understand my situation is sort of different because he is so young and I still have an innocent boy on my hands. I like to do nice things for him once in a while like go buy him some nice clothes, making him heart shaped pancakes, a new toy or clean and reorganize his room. These are all things I loved coming home to as a child; it makes me feel like a good person for doing nice things for him or anyone else actually. He probably won't always appreciate it when he gets older but I know his dad loves me for doing the little things for him. Besides doing it for myself I am also doing it for my DH because I know how happy it makes him.