Frustrated
I have been married 4 years and love my DH very much. When it is just us we are happy and things are good but the kids make it so hard. His kids are visiting for the summer and he had to go away on business this week, leaving me with his kids and my kids all week. I don't mind helping him but tonight was tough. They didn't pick up after themselves like they are supposed to and they messed with our things leaving them on the floor for the dogs to get them. I told them to pick up and I thought we were good.
We keep a video monitor in our family room so we can kee an eye on what hey are up to and make sure they are behaving. We have had issues in the past so we feel we need to keep an eye on them when they are downstairs alone. Tonight I heard SS planning to do something I specifically told him not to do when I am at work tomorrow because the babysitter won't care. Of course I went and confronted then and told them that I would be telling their dad and that they are to obey our rules. To be honest I did raise my voice at SS and my own son for the things they were saying.
Of course they hate me and I guess I understand but I don't even know what to do any more. I have tried the sweet nice approach and they make it clear they don't like me either way. I officially feel like a wicked step mother.
Next time they mess up the
:jawdrop:
Next time they mess up the living room (E.G) simply ask them to clean, know that they will ignore you, then after an hour you simply clean the place and trash everything. If they complain, smile and say, I did ask you to remove your junk, you ignored me, I do not live in a messy house, then ignore.
Now they have no respect for you cause you are the Evil SM... they have shown it over and over, next holiday, DH better arrange his working time better, if he's not at home skids can not stay... they will have to plan better, skids can only be there if DH is there
Get your babysitter on board,
Get your babysitter on board, as well as your DH.
When DH comes home, hold a round table meeting with all the issues, which you have documented. Don't approach it as tattling; just approach it as a family issue for everyone. We used to have family round table meetings; sometimes I even pulled a surprise meeting, after dinner or when everyone was present.
Make sure you approach the issues as boundaries that apply to everyone. Then set boundaries for you and your DH and also address them with children present.
Posting chores on the frig is a good way to spread out the duties; but make sure you don't give children the "same" chores every day, spread them out and alternate the chores as well. Keep the chores interesting, with ice cream treats or a day out for just the kids, now and then, with everyone present, including Dad.
You are trying and that is all you can do. The effective method is address each issue immediately with children and your DH, in a civil and respectful way.
I've always had to work with controlling my frustration. Discuss these methods with your DH and then carry thru with them and stand with your boundaries, no matter how frustrated you become.
Good Luck, this is hard work on your part.
((((hugs))))