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i shouldnt feel this way, should i?

startingover2010's picture

i cannot take life anymore. everyday, i feel like i am going to explode. every task is such a big deal, my throat feels like it is closing, i cant take the loudness of the tv or my sd11, i cannot stand how she hang all over him and tickles him and always asks him "will you do something with me". i cant stand how my bd2 is a bully and sd11 is just as nasty right back at her and also instigates alot of it. the voice of my sd is like nails on a chalk board. i havent had sex in over a month, the amount of time sd has been home from her moms. i hate her so much just for being born.

i feel as if i cant handle everyday life. before sd came home i watched my nephew, same age as my bd. two toddlers. they were very hyper but managable. sd11 is 11 and should be a help but instead she is a burden. bf wont give her to her mom again, bm is crazy but you know what sd looks and acts like bm so who gives a fuck?

i know i am a bad person for feeling this way but i need help cause i cant handle life anymore. no job or insurance.

Dinaquan21's picture

The voice of my Sd 10 makes me want to puke. You are not alone I am here with you. My husband of a year has 3. 15, 13, and 10. I have 00000. My husband treats his youngest like a golden child and it has gotten to the point where I want to drop her off some where so tat she won't come back. He babies her so bad she refuses to do anything for herself. I have to watch her every Saturday and let me tell you I tend to treat her like she's not even there. My husband cuddles her like she's a baby. Dad can you do this for me? Like she's incapable. So believe me I am right there with you and I'm glad I am not the only one. Oh yeah and I don't have a job either so that means I'm available to babysit as often as she wants to come over which is every weekend.

4Kayla's picture

If I understand you correctly you are not yet marrried? I can speak from experience. It doesn't get any easier. You really need to be sure for your sake that this is the one man you can't be without. I have a SD who is now 11. DH and I got together when she was aroud 5. At first whe they came over and it was time for bed he would go in and lie down with them to get them to sleep. So I put up with it, although it bothered me very much. Now several years later we are now married, SD is now 11 and he still lays down with her at night. They are very needy. It has gotten to the point I now lock my door when he does that, so when he does want to come in at 2 or 3 a.m. he has to knock on our bedroom door so i can get get to let him in at which point I make it known it is something that is affecting our marriage. In my case though I had the misconcepcion she would grown out of it. It doesn't happen. so you really need to be prepare to be able to handle it or get out now with your sanity still in check.

Freedom2005's picture

I understand you frustration. I had a similar issue with my BF. When his daughter would come for his time, along with his son, she would sleep in the bed with him, his son would sleep on the couch. Well, when I was there, I would sleep in the bed with him. She would come in, cry, and I would get kicked out of the bed. That is was my bed too.

I kept talking to him about it. When he asked me to move in, I said, I will not give up my bed. I told him what I would/would not do. That she should learn to sleep on her own. This started 2 years ago. I felt horrible, like I was tearing her away from her Dad.

Now, just THIS WEEK. I talked to the counselor that him and his kids are seeing. I told her about this, she was thrilled! I thought I would get the "don't come between Daddy and daughter" Apparently, daughter should learn to sleep on her own. SD is only 10.

Healthy boundaries, which IS NOT EASY! I can't even do it all the time, but I chose my battles one at a time and I am far from done. Now it is fighting with my daughters for territory. She already has her own room and my daughters have to share. However, it is still better in the house after we split them up! Now my daughters can go in their room and keep her out.

TheCharm's picture

Broken a dish when you are mad? I do on those rare helpless occasions. I think to myself, "I can't change the XYZ situation I'm in right now, but I can affect a change on this mug!" and then I dash it to the floor. Its therapeutic, quick clean up, and usually 10 cents at a thrift store.

I do something similar with SS8. I like/love him, but I do resent him and his BioMmom so damned much. I can never say all the things I want to say to DH, and I can't change this situation. So every day that SS8 comes to the front door, as I am walking to open the door, I mutter (keeping the smile on my face) "Oh my god, I hate you, you little jerk!" It keeps me from blowing up when he misbehaves, it helps me feel sane when I have irrational thoughts, and although its out loud, its still in private because DH is out there w/ SS8 waiting at the door.

To be honest, I think you're past this little bandaid. You need more help than a broken mug.

ChaiLatte's picture

You are under a tremendous amount of stress and are responding accordingly. That doesn’t make you a bad person. Is it possible for you to find inexpensive ways to take a few moments for yourself each day? Like taking a walk someplace pretty? Some states have programs that offer free therapy to individuals who are feeling the way you do, but do not have any income. Maybe you can get help this way. It may just be your situation though, and if you weren’t in this situation, you wouldn’t be feeling all of this anxiety. Have you considered what is really going to make you happy? On a small scale? In the long run? Sometimes in these blended family situation, we don’t even know any more what makes us happy because it’s been so long since we’ve experienced it and need to remind ourselves.