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Oh the joy that is my SD!

Caitlin's picture

SD truly is a joy. I am so blessed to have her in my life and every time BM is acting up, I remind myself that if it weren't for her, I wouldn't have this lovely girl as my SD, or as my daughters' doting big sister. I feel terrible for those stepparents out there who not only deal with a vindictive BM, but disrespectful skids who blame them for all that is wrong in the world. I am so fortunate to love and be loved by her. I can't get over what a wonderful little girl she is.

SD was so very excited to find out if she was getting a brother or a sister, that the moment her dad picked her up tonight she called me and left a looooong message about how she was dying to know and when would I get there and how dare I not pick up when she calls and the whole school knows that she's finding out today so I'd better not disappoint everyone and oooooh this is so exciting, etc! Her message just melted my heart! I'm especially tickled that she told everyone at school. It used to be that she "hid" her life with us somewhat to protect her mom's feelings. Progress!

She ran out to greet us when we got there and my little one was in the back seat squealing her name in excitement when she saw her and we were all giddy and silly and laughing and excited. We sat down and my mom and stepdad called at that moment, it was just perfect timing - I put it on speakerphone and said "we're about to share the news with SD. Now you can find out together!" I made SD close her eyes and I put a strawberry in front of her. (All along we've been saying "will it be a strawberry or blueberry flavored baby?") She opened her eyes and she lit up like a Christmas tree squealing "it's a giiiiiiiirl!" and my mom and stepdad were crying and whooping and hollering on the other end. My mom said "so Alex is an Alexandra! Do you have a middle name picked out?" And I told her we were honoring her with her name and we just bawled like babies because she was so touched and I was so pleased that it moved her so much. Both my fiance and SD's eyes were gleaming too. Such a great moment!

We had a lovely celebration dinner and then SD ran off to get us a surprise. She came back with a Congratulations balloon and card that she bought with her own money! The card said "Dear Cait and Dad, I TOLD YOU! Congratulations! I love you, SD xoxox" How sweet is THAT?

When we dropped SD off, BM came out and SD yelled across the parking lot "It's a GIRL!" and BM said cheerfully "of course, it's all Daddy does!" and we just smiled and made a little bit of small talk and said good night. It was all very cordial, no drama. BM is really on her best behavior for these therapists coming to her house 3 times a week. I'm loving the happy plane she's flying on right now! If only it could always be like this!

My fiance and I just relished our lovely evening with our whole family. It couldn't have been a more perfect night! This is what makes it all worth it!

Comments

tyra's picture

Thanks for sharing that story. It actually brought a tear to my eye. I, too, have wonderful SD and she and my DH make it all worthwhile.

It must have made you and DH feel so wonderful. That is a moment you will never forget.

Congrats again

Candice's picture

What a happy story, thanks for sharing.

Your situation is exactly what I had envisioned for my ss and our family. I just did everything to show him how much we loved him, and we have the opposite in return. I feel so defeated. How can one be so determined to hate their father and stepmother when they have been the only parents in their lives to support them? I just don't get it.

You are really lucky, that little girl looks past all the negative, all the bad, to keep herself happy. I'm so happy for you that your life is turning out to be so happy and wonderful, and your relationship with your sd is so amazing.

Congrats,
Candice

Caitlin's picture

SD is only 11. What if by the time she's 13 like your SS, she turns against me? I know that you described your relationship with SS in the past as quite close. You came into his life at a relatively young age, you bonded, he looked up to you, and then WHAM! What happened that BM's (and MIL's and SIL's for that matter) parental alienation finally started working? Teenage hormones? Just plain persistance over time?

I've been so lucky that SD has been pretty much immune to BM's constant poisoning, but am I foolish to think that our relationship will always be this good?

I'm enjoying it while I can! I guess step or bio, teenagers are TOUGH, and when you're dealing with one irresponsible or mentally ill parent who is determined to undermine you, the odds are not in your favor for smooth sailing through the teen years.

Candice's picture

in the best of circumstances it can be rough...but for you, I think you are sitting a lot better than most. My ss was beginning to be disrespectful at 8. Your sd is 11, and sounds like she will be pretty easy going with some exceptions.

If I were you, I would not worry so much about it considering her age. If things were going to be bad, they would be bad now.

When my ss was really sweet, I would do the same...I would say to myself "cherish this moment b/c they grow up so fast.." or in my case, things change.

Don't lose sleep over this, you have a great relationship with your sd, and it's awesome!

Candice

Caitlin's picture

And I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through right now. I hope you won't let it get you down. You did all you could. I just hope there will come a day when SS will turn himself around, come to you and say "thanks for everything and sorry I was such a prick". My brother did - he apologized to my mom and stepdad for putting them through hell. Of course, he's now 32 years old so it was a long road getting there!!

As for my SD, I will enjoy every beautiful moment with her and if things between us do start to get rocky as her hormones start pumping and BM continues her games - well, I'll just cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now, I'm just enjoying our loving bond.

loonybonusmom's picture

It is terrific that things are going so well Caitlyn! And the best is yet to come! Sound like you and your family will be riding the happy plane for a while, or atleast till the next therapy session! I know how much happier it can make you when you see the skids smile and be happy with you...just makes all the bad melt away doesn't it?! My youngest ss and I are really close like that too, now I am just counting the days till March Break when he comes home for a week! Fric-Frac-and-Freak together for a week! With any luck we may score a visit this weekend..dh surprised me last night when he announced we should make a trip back home this weekend for some real skiing...local hill here is small very small! I am so excited because we have worked a side job into the trip which may give us the money to appease the x, which will guarantee our march break visit. ahhh...so nice when things are looking up isn't it??

Little Jo's picture

Caitlin, that is awesome. Sounds like a dream night with your family was had. That is so cool. Don't you dare worry about those teen years. You have a strong relationship with this ball of sunshine. She will not turn on you. However she will drive you nuts, that's their God given right as a teen.

So happy for you, I'm jealous, but so happy you are having a blast.
Enjoy - Jo

Caitlin's picture

Things are going so smoothly for the moment and I just couldn't be happier. Then I read about all the awful things that others are going through right now on this site and I just wish that everyone could be this happy.

I am generally a happy positive person and even when BM is at her worst, I'm not UNhappy, just STRESSED OUT. The stress is a lot to handle, but when you're otherwise happy and in a supportive loving relationship, it certainly can be done. So here's to somehow finding the positive even in the shittiest of situations so you can acheive your happiness even when things are not going your way!

New Stepmom's picture

Hi Caitlin!
Gosh...I haven't posted in FOREVER!!! And I haven't been on daily like I was, so I have missed out on so much! I have been slammed out work and in meetings pretty much 24/7 - no time for play! I read the post that you're having a girl...and you had me fooled because when I first saw the subject, I thought for sure it was a BOY! I can feel the happiness jumping out at me when I read your posts - I am so excited for you and your family! It's absolutely adorable that SD reacted the way she did - and giving you a balloon and a card on her own - that's just precious!

Just wanted to say congrats and I am truly thrilled for you that things are going so well!

Caitlin's picture

I was wondering where you've been! Yes, I've been a happy camper lately. We haven't been getting too much grief from BM in the past few weeks, and as always things are just lovely with my fiance, SD and our little one. I really couldn't ask for more!

Thanks for checking in. How are things with you, besides being swamped at work? Everything ok?

New Stepmom's picture

Everything has been good. I was in training for a week and a half, that took me away from desk, and since I've been back, it's just been a nightmare. Plus, I hear that they're monitoring internet usage very closely, and I felt like I was addicted to this site every day! Though I am a good multi-tasker...I can work and post, too!

Things at home have been going well! We had the girls this past weekend and I spent the day with them on Saturday - we went shopping with my mom and had a great time together. BM has been keeping quiet...thank goodness. Thank you for asking!

proud mom's picture

Caitlin, I am new to this site and just read you blog and just had to say thanks. It brought a ray of sunshine into my othe wise gloomy day. I just hope that my relationship will be strong with my SD she is only 6 (5 when I started seeing her dad) and so far so good but her mom is also one that is very negative.

Any congrats on the baby and the realationship.

Caitlin's picture

And welcome to the site! We are all in need of a ray of sunshine around here, so I do my best to share it when I have it!

I think you're lucky to have met SD at a relatively young age. I feel like I missed out on so much with my SD because I didn't meet her until she was just turning 9. Miraculously, our relationship hasn't suffered what with all her BM does to sabotage it, but I know many people are not so lucky. I hope that you and your SD will form a strong bond that will withstand all of BM's negativity through the years. It can be done!