You are here

I just need to vent

Thisisnotus's picture

So I've been working on disengaging for a few months and it is really helping ease alot of my negative feelings. But sometimes certain things pop up and it just boils my blood and I feel like I shouldn't be feeling so angry inside about them, but I do and I hate feeling that way.

Here is the example of yesterday.

So SD16....there has been an odd battle for a while over who is paying for her cell phone, mostly BM pays until she gets in one of her moods and demands DH pays. It would be shut off b/c BM didn't pay and then SD would be telling DH that her mom said he had to he would when she asked. Keep in mind DH pays a large CS amount and usually caves to BM for lots of 1/2 of whatever......down to things that equal like $6 or $8. *eye roll*. Which is fine except we have SD 1/2 of the time and support her fully 1/2 of the time, so it's not like DH sends CS b/c he doesn't see his kids or do his part financially.

So MIL got tired of the phone being shut off and on and took it upon herself to purchase 2 new phones with paid for phone plans for SD16 AND SD11. Well.....that wasn't good enough for SD16 so she and BM tossed those phones (they weren't iphones) aside and ignored the pre-paid phone plan that MIL was going to continue to pay for and keep renwed. So BM took SD16 out to get her a new iphone and new phone plan............and at that moment my DH said they better never come at him for anything phone related.

Fast forward to's been about a year or so... SD16 phone is broken b/c she alwasy drops it and doesn't take care of it.. She comes into our room last night and says to DH, "Mom says you have to buy me new a phone OR pay for my phone plan". He just looked puzzled at her and says "what". Then she repeats the statment and ends it, "so will you?"  and he responds with "sure". I thought I was going to internally combust. I know this is such a small thing....but it is moments like this where my DH is so afraid of upsetting SD or pissing off BM....that I don't think I can continue to live in this disaster.


ESMOD's picture

Man.. I totally get how you could be pissed at him for caving in like that.  He absoulutely should have reminded her of the fact that she had an opportunity to have a "free" phone given to her and she and her mom decided that it wasn't good enough.. so "shrug".. guess you and your mom can figure this out.

I actually don't blame the kid for asking.  She has obviously been coached and conditioned to understand that daddy can be pushed into doing what she wants both by her experience.. and by her mother's urging.  Teens will ask for lots of things.. shoot, my YSD21 will ask for things (which she knows we won't give in a joking way.. but believe me.. she would take it if we gave it haha.  It's up to the parent to tell them.. nope.. we went through this last year and you didn't want what was provided.. you are old enough to work if you want something so badly.. or have your mother deal with this..

Thisisnotus's picture

Oh for sure. DH is definitley taken advantage of b/c BM and SD know he will do whatever they say......well it is his fault because he can't say no. It just angers me b/c DH has already said he is NOT getting involved in the phone thing ever again. I know he wants to say no but he just can't/won't.

It's not even about the money, really. It's just aggravating.

tog redux's picture

That would annoy me, not even so much the money part - it would be spineless part that would irk me.  I can't respect a man who just lets his ex and kid roll over him like that. 

Thisisnotus's picture

Yes, that is exactly how I feel. He tries to talk a big game to me how he is going to stand up to BM or even some of SKids demands....but it's all talk and he never does.

hereiam's picture

"Mom says you have to...."   Oh man, my DH would laugh his ass off!

I hope your husband jumps as high when YOU snap YOUR fingers.

Thisisnotus's picture

tell me about it. I think he should have laughed and just said no, talk to your mom.

I don't snap my fingers at him, so I don't know. haha I am hoping he just said "sure" and isn't actually going to do it...but we will see.

Totheend12345's picture

why is it they jump for BM but i will say something and its in one ear out the other.


I wish i had a child to hold over his head lol JK JK

flmomma08's picture

I don't even think CS should be paid at all in 50/50 situations but that's besides the point since I'm sure it was court ordered. I would be frustrated too with the phone situation. My SD would have done the same thing - the prepaid phone wouldn't have been good enough for her, she will only use an iphone. Your DH should have told her no he doesn't HAVE TO do anything with the phone, if BM wants to buy another one that's on her. SD isn't entitled to a freaking phone. Or how about she can get a job and buy the most expensive iphone she can find if that's what she wants!

Totheend12345's picture

I hate when the words BM said, I DONT CARE WHAT BM SAYS!!!


We have same problem, why do they think they can still boss them around. 


I would of never told my parents what they were going to do, so why is okay for her to just because her parents are not togehter any more. 

CLove's picture

BM Toxic Troll just LOVES making DH feel like a horrible father, any way she can. He pays spousal suport, he pays child support, he pays for back to school, for birthdays and chrismas. He provides all transport from home to school, all trasnport between homes for visitation.

Drives me crazy when munchkin wants to upgrade her phone everytime a new one comes out. Drives me nuts when DH is asked for things that BM should provide.

But it is what it is. There is such an income disparity between household, and I love munchkin so Im happy buyng her things when I can manage it. Shes not totally spoiled. For your SD and BM to just dump free phones and then expect DH to pick it up is ludicrus. Like the rapper.

Thisisnotus's picture

I just thought I'd give an update......

A fews days later I brought it up to DH like, hey DH what do you make of SD coming at you with "Mom  Said you have to buy me a new phone or pay for my phone plan."

DH was telling me how he was so mad and it is NOT happening blah blah blah and how maybe, just maybe if SD would have just asked he would have said yes. So he's going on and on about how it's not going to happen and that SD sealed her fate by uttering the words "mom said".

I thought to myself, wow who is this man? Is he actually for once going to say the word NO????

Fast forward 2 days and SD is back at our house again, and says, "dad can you get me a new phone". To which he replies......I am thinking about it. He is such a spineless man who just can't say no.........I am so over it. So he will buy her a phone......just like his ex wife told him to do because he is a good boy. Idiot.

CLove's picture

Its like the BM cooter has teeth and they grabbed a hold of these dudes balls and wont let go.

Thisisnotus's picture

Yes!!!!! I don’t even get it. He is so afraid of her. She’s a bully by nature, but damn!

He’s afraid of his own kids, but I’m sure it’s more being afraid of BM.

CLove's picture

Late Sunday night Munchkin downloaded a game that was charged to our sprint account, munchkin got her fee fees hurt and now Toxic Troll feels its open season on my husband. Frick. I wish I had a "Retaliation Machine"! Wish I could say "b!tch thats MY husband, having a conversation with his daughter about a phone account WE pay for. Back off b!tch!"

momjeans's picture

What a frustrating situation. At the very least, your DH should try to make a habit of not agreeing or committing to anything immediately. He should have told her that he’d think about it and let her know. 

Boy, do these things irk me. At that age I was working and paying a car payment + insurance AND going to high school. My mom could have pitted me against my dad for cash, but she took the higher road - always, while teaching me a good work ethic. 

Siemprematahari's picture

"Mom says you have to buy me new a phone OR pay for my phone plan".

Yeah....not in this lifetime! Good bye and please close the door on your way out....

I can't with this nonsense! I'd have his @ss for that.....why because continuing to be submissive to the Ex will only allow her to continue to do it....what's next....your H paying all of college?