I know what you mean about wishing bm and sd away. I do too....i feel bad for even thinking that way ...but when you day after day we as stepmother don't have the support from the dad well its just makes it very diffical. I have a stepdaughter that thinks she the wife ...very disrespectful at her dad from time to time ,and all we do is watch this and can't say anything....but wishing them away ....i'm in the middle of a separation because of her...just can't take it anymore.
so how do i feel about sd i can't wait for her and dh to go live away from me for a while ...its feel like a thorn has been taken out ....and maybe we can save my marriage or maybe not ,but i after feel happy and have peace in my home once again....u after to whats better for you ...

we are only human.....

hope that everything goes well...for what its worth..

netti

BUT I do wish that BM would take a flying leap.

It is so hard when all you want to do is love your skids and BM keeps getting in the way.

I have felt ill feelings toward my SD at times especially when she acts just like bm. But in the end, I really do love those kids, I just can't stand BM.

I've been with DH for 6 yrs. I first met BM when she barged over to DH house(unannounced) with the skids (to meet me) only two weeks into our dating. DH and I were firm that we would not involve our kids until we decided that we had something going and were going to move forward. (this was not our private pact; we told our kids and our exs) My initial first impression was WOW how ballsy! It was down hill after.

We married 2.5 yrs ago. BM and SD have been hell most of the time. A yr ago I found this site by desperately googeling. I am an incredibly strong personality, but weak when it comes to being a SM and blending. After a week on this site(lurking)I found so many strong women and great ideas. BIOMOM gave some great advice from her side of the fence and sooo many others (too many to name). I am also a BM so it is easier for me to walk in each other's shoes.

One day SD and I had a blow up and she ran away to a friends I called BM to tell her this. She wanted SD to come back here to discuss. I said no, she is safe.. you come and we should talk; this is really about you and I. Well all hell broke loose, I did get to say almost everything I wanted to. Relations were more strained for about 6 months.

Since May... things have been good between BM and I. I backed off, she backed of, DH has let BM carry her load. We are all trying to make this skids more independent. For the last month when she picks up she has been coming into the house chatting with me. SD seems to like this. At first and even now, I wait for the other shoe to drop. But I am finding it easier to kibitz with her. We are waaaay different people, yet we have commonalities.

Just yesterday BM was here for a pick up. SD was to have all of her laundry done (uhhggg told on tue and warned it needed to be done b4 she left)Well I asked SD if it was done and what time Bm was picking up... Said your mom is not going to be happy if she has to wait and your not leaving until its done. OMG>>>> SD apologized, BM showed up shortly after that with 30 minutes to go in the dryer. In front of BM I offered SD to pay me $5 (lol) to finish it. BM was no, why didn't you get this done during the week??? I will wait for you and SM and I will chat.

Dh is like OHH aren't you two becoming the best of friends.. I said that probably would never happen since we are sooo different but isn't this better than fighting?? Bm is unpredictable and this could be short term, but I will enjoy it while lasts.

So for my honest answer. I do not hate BM or SD. I have felt rejected because they hated me, without knowing me. SD, because I know that when we are on vacation and her cell phone doesn't work.. she likes me and asks me for help and helps me and is very nurturing to her step-sisters. (I also know that SD likes that I help her with self-esteem issues and nurture her facing her fears.) SS never a real problem in fact, I feel comfortable treating him like my own. He has said I am so glad you are in my life, I have learned more in that past 2 years than I would have imagined otherwise. (B4 we were married and shit would hit the fan, SS would send me an e-card...you gotta a friend in me!) BM? I could count on my one hand how many times in 6 years we actually met in person.. so how could she hate "me" maybe what I represent, but "me"?

I think what happened is that DH did everything for her and made her feel incompetent as a mom and then I came aboard and that really blew her over the edge. I would like to think that by me and Dh forcing or allowing her to be the mom, I may have gained her respect. NOW, DH is the problem a lot of the times.

The final honest moment... I love having weekends to myself. No DH, No kids, no skids. This is something I had for 10 years... I love it and I miss it!!

I often wish away skids and BM. For me, it is not like the skids are that bad, or not most of the time, but just the presence of that many more kids that I did not plan for, or ask for, you know what I mean? Sometimes, okay a lot of the time, I wish my DH did not come with the extra baggae he came with. And I know this is not fair, as I came with a child too, whom he treats as his own. And to make me feel the worst, I really don't see me EVER feeling about my Skids how I feel about my own daughter. It is just a whole different universe to me. Is that horrible? I really just don't think it is in me. So, I hear you, but I don't have any brilliant words of wisdom other than, you are not alone.

Best of luck.

I try really hard to remind myself that SD has been through a war on many levels, and has at times not been able to express her feeling well and may even seem mean spirited at times but the BM consciously decides to be this bitter angry ugly human every day and the only solace i have is that I know if she is half as miserable as she tries to make us her life is really a horse stable! I don't usually see alot of difference between my bio and step but i do feel it when she is being rude or mean so I do understand.

There is no reason where logic does not exist

wished my Skids away, more than once and am CONSTANTLY sending them to the grandparents as much as possible b/c I'm exhausted from pretending that everything is perfect. (That's how DH and two of the step kids want me to do, to just act like everything is perfect and to NEVER use the word "step". Too bad, I can't do it.)
And I wish one of the two BM's away that I have to deal with. One I dont' really mind, the other one either needs to tell the truth about some stuff or just fall off the face of the earth and leave everyone alone
Dawn

where I don't like either one of them. I tried very hard to like SD, but after six years of marriage and nine years of knowing her, that has worn pretty thin. She totally manipulates her father, and gets away with it. She calls all the shots with regard to what happens in our house, and funny, but I thought I was the wife. If she has two days in a row of not misbehaving excessively (and my husband is the least observant parent on earth), he thinks she is the best kid ever and gives her anything she wants. And let's not even get started on BM. Easier for her to let my husband I and fight and argue about SD than pick up the slack and do her share.

No matter what my SD does, husband will always think she is an angel. She has lied countless times, and husband never loses those cataracts. She told BM I hit her when in fact she hit me. He claims he doesn't know who to believe. Whatever!

I have really developed total lack of respect for bm, and I struggle to really enjoy ss. Since my dh gave both of them the boot, we haven't seen ss but maybe 3 times since March, and I have to say my life is a lot better and more peaceful w/o ss and bm's interference.

BM, like most of the dysfunctional bms discussed on this site, brings a lot of chaos with her every where she goes, and has absolutely zero respect for others and their lives. I'm so thankful my dh chose our marriage over trying to raise a child with her b/c it was getting to the point where it was going to be one or the other.

So for my honest feelings, I can't stand bm and think she is one of the worst mothers I've ever laid my eyes on, and my ss...well, he is a product of his mother, and he can't help how he behaves, I just hope he finds a better life for himself when he is an adult.

Candice

Yes - I am in agreement that BM could go away, but I wouldn't wish away the kids. I've been blessed with a good relationship with all of them, and love each of them very much.

But BM can take a flying leap after she goes and lays down next to her dish!

I'm with you. I feel guilty for the way I feel but the truth of the matter is -- they can could disappear and I wouldn't feel that bad. I would only feel bad for wishing for them to disappear.

I have NO respeect for her, she is lazy, incompatent and worthless. I have said it before and I will say it again, she can take a LONG WALK off a SHORT PIER. Now, SS on the other hand. I would miss terribly if he was not around. I love him so much and just like I miss my girls when they are at their Dad's, I miss SS when he is with that pathetic excuse of a mother of his. I got lucky though, he is a good boy. He can't remember when I WASN'T around, so it makes it easy to love him. NOW, ask me in a few years when he is old enough to understand the BS his mom is sure to feed him, and it may be a different story, but at this time in my life, I would not give up SS for all the Tea In China (so to speak)... BM, eh. F*** HER!

Daddys Gurl

CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?

I read once that the true opposite of love was indifference, not hate. It made me think - because, really for BM - I truly don't care. I think of her as an alien. So - who hates a martian? What's the point?

She has done things that are (to me) so bizarre, I can't relate to them and never will. I've explained to my DH that we support SD. BM is not welcome here. When SD was a minor, before we got married, I let BM stay in my home twice. (She lives 5 hours away and according to her, has no money). By the end of the second time, I realized, I don't like martians in my home. They are lazy, fat, insulting, and rude. Once SD was no longer a minor and DH and I were married - no more BM in my home. We were married about a year after SD graduated HS and moved back to live with BM.

Now (two years later) SD lives with us again. Her and her brand new baby girl. In previous blogs, I thought of her as The Belly. Now, I think of her as Mistress Me Me. I don't hate her - but I'm not sure that I love her either. She often seems like she is starting to grow into a mature young lady, then she pulls something that demonstrates she is part martian. She wants to be Daddy's Little Princess still. And, of course, Daddy still wants her to be that too - so it makes it difficult. Couple that with the influence of the martian, and sometimes I just don't know.

BM - Hate - no way, just don't care enough. Oddly enough - my DH seems to think it is less bad that I don't care. Cool, works for him, works for me. What I am working diligently on is to not have apathy for my SD. She could be a wonderful young lady, if she chooses to take that road. The past two days, it seems like she might. But up until the last two days - well, I thought she might be a martian. We'll see....

I have a perfect world that I have built inside my mind. And believe me, BM is no part of it. I love the skids very much - everything I dislike about them is caused directly or indirectly (my lack of money because of the ridicuolusly high child support we pay or the youngest SDs "princess" attitude and so forth) so without out her influence, they would be all the more perfect to me.

I just think if she were gone, my worries would really, really be over. I find sometimes that I will conjur other problems up just so my life isn't so consumed by her bs. She is a horrible person - inside and out. I was going to say the same exact thing as Daddysgurl "she can take a LONG WALK off a SHORT PIER." Seriously....and I hate, hate that I would ever think of another human the way I think of her.

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."

I have done all I can do.No,I do not like them and don't have to,I accept that.I have been knifed in the back too many times and I don't like myself or my home disrespected.I my have to accept the plate of crap I am served but I don't have to eat it!LOL!I am not going to lie to myself or deny my feelings!

I am so sick of hearing BM name mentioned in my house. All SD says is "my mom this and my mom that"and the best "my REAL mom says..." I got to the point where I said to SD"I don't care what your REAL mom says, this is what I say and you live here and what I say goes" not that it changed anything but I did feel better. If I could I would wiggle my nose and POOF the "REAL mom" would disappear.

Definitely wish the ex would die. If I can assist her in anyway it would be the only thing I would help her with!

Tolerate the skids for my other half but if they disappeared tomorrow life would be a lot less complicated and much nicer.

Tired of all the bulshit and stress they bring.

to feel this way. You didn't choose these people to be in your life; you chose him, not them.

I know I am very selective about whom I have in my life. I wouldn't have selected his X as an aquaintance. It is not that I am better, I am just different. My values are totally different-----people pick people like themselves to be around.

BUT I don't wish her away because the only time I get a break from psycho SS is when she takes him. Now if I could say "poof" and make them both disappear I'd do it in a heartbeat.

BUT I don't wish her away because the only time I get a break from psycho SS is when she takes him. Now if I could say "poof" and make them both disappear I'd do it in a heartbeat.

honestly, i know that H would hate me if he knew this, but in my experience, when we are not with the kids, we get along perfectly.

every single fight we have is about the kids. we NEVER have a single fight about anything else.

he wanted to send his son to a three year program in israel, but the kids' mother doesn't want him to go, and the kid doesn't want to go either.

he wants his daughter to volunteer in the israeli army, and she'd be gone for awhile, but i seriously can never see her lazy butt in any army...she can't even pick up after herself.

and of course, i wish that his ex would fall in love with someone else and get married...but everyone says she never will.

so my life would be perfect without them. H doesn't really miss them when they're not around. and I know that we're a good couple without them. But they're never going anywhere.

Yes, I would choose life without them in a heartbeat, and I don't feel guilty about that.

Love my skids?????? I like my skids, wouldn't want them hurt, etc. but I don't love them! Who said I have to love them??????? Two of them were adults when I met them.

It is unrealistic to think that just because you marry the father...COME ON, do I even need to go further?

I know that sometimes when you are close to a child that affection & love can grow, but you are not a bad person if it doesn't!!!!! Especially if the kid is creepy!!!!!!!

After 7 years, I haven't even met his X. Not necessary. I have total indifference.

I don't wish my life without my steps though. My husband loves his children & he wouldn't be a happy person without them. I wouldn't want my husband not to have had the experience of children, then I would have been stuck having more! Better she than I.

I do wish the last one would GROW UP!